Ill, Exhausted, and Can't Keep up with difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Stress Bunny, Mar 9, 2008.

  1. Stress Bunny

    Stress Bunny Active Member

    Hello everyone,

    I've visited this site on numerous occasions, but this is the first time I've posted in a long time. I've been sick with a horrible flu for the past week, I work full-time, and I have two difficult children.

    My youngest ADHD/ODD difficult child (6yo boy) wanted his neighbor friend to come over today, and I agreed. I am still quite exhausted from the flu, but I thought I could handle it if he had a friend over for a little while. In the meantime, my husband and 14yo difficult child went to a funeral.

    Anyway, it ended up being a disaster, as my youngest decided to play dump trucks in the mud in the back yard with his friend. They had changed activities SO many times before they even went outside, as difficult child's ADHD is in full gear today. As the snow is melting, and we have only topsoil beneath, it waws a huge mess. We just built our home last fall, and there is no grass planted yet. So, to make a long story short, I ended up having to clean a dozen large dump trucks, all of difficult child's clothing, and many mud pies out of the garage and back hallway. It took me nearly 2 hours to clean up a mess he made in 15 minutes. I didn't realize the mess they were making right away, and the neighbor boy probably went home all dirty too. So, now I wonder if he'll be allowed to come over any more. It's so hard for difficult child to behave enough to keep friends, and I just feel so guilty that I'm apparently not keeping up with him well enough.

    I'm so tired and overwhelmed all the time.

    Does anyone else feel this way?

  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Yes, my dear. I would bet we ALL feel this way.

    There are days when I am counting the minutes until bedtime, because I just don't know how much longer I can take it. Some days are worse than others. It's been said that our kids experience spring fever with reinforcements, and I believe it. I've noticed a lot of "difficult child-ness" complaints on the board in the past week or so.

    Welcome back to the board.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    You're recovering from the flu. Feeling down and tired goes with the territory. Give yourself a break. Personally, it sounds like you're being a great mom. You didn't feel well and still let another little boy visit.

    Boys love mud, even when it's cold outside. Hopefully, the other mom will understand that. You might want to call and explain the boys got into the mud before you even knew it was happening. It happens.

  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    OK, they made a mess, but it is what little boys often do. One good thing - at least it wasn't planted flower beds they were messing up. Your garden will still be a fresh slate to draw on when the snow melts enough for you to get some landscaping done.

    For future reference - try to have an area for him to make mess in, and segregate it from 'clean' places (if you can) and provide clean-up gear on the boundary. If you can, teach him that yes, excavating is a dirty job, but all good workmen clean up when they're done, so the place looks just as good as before they began their job. So a plumber cleans up any spills and old bits of pipe; an electrician picks up any loose wiring and repairs any holes he had to make to install stuff; a carpenter sweeps up the wood shavings and any dropped nails. It is part of the job, and a householder is entitled to call them back to clean up, or instead ask for a discount on the bill so they can pay someone else to clean the mess.

    If he and his friend want to play at excavating, then they need to know that a REAL project manager would make sure that everything was left safe and tidy when the job was over, otherwise he could find himself out of work with his equipment confiscated and licence revoked.

    Just a thought - hope it works.

  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there :) I noticed your boys are adopted. I adopted four kids. Were any of your boys exposed to drugs in utero? Are you satisfied with the diagnosis? Do you know anything about their genetic history? I have one child we adopted out of foster care who was exposed to drugs in utero. His first diagnosis. was ADHD/ODD, but it wasn't his last one.
  6. Stress Bunny

    Stress Bunny Active Member

    Thanks everyone for listening. I know the mud thing doesn't sound like a big deal, and I guess it really isn't. I'm just so tired all the time chasing after difficult children. I believe both of our difficult children were exposed to nicotene in utero, but nothing else. I am satisfied with their diagnoses. Their ADHD and lack of self control, combined with the defiance is a lot to take. It's too bad they both have these conditions, as it takes its toll on everyone. In fact, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, and uncles avoid spending time with them unless hubby and I are there to monitor everything, as the boys are looked upon as too difficult to handle. We don't have a babysitter, we aren't able to go to church, shopping centers, movies, or restaurants as a family. We don't go on vacations, and we don't invite people over very often. It just usually ends in disaster anyway. So, I've come to accept that this is our life, and it will be for years to come. It's a hard road, but the boys aren't PCs, and it's unreasonable to expect that they should be. I love them so much, I just need a break sometimes, and there is never any relief or rest. This is especially glaring this week, since I've been sick. I guess I harbor some resentment, as I find myself so upset when a coworker asks what our family will be doing for fun on the weekend or something, and all I can think of in my mind is, "Survive!"