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I'm A Clothes Thief
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 408549" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>We had some problems at times with this. A ceremony might be helpful if you think your kids would "buy in". I think letting your difficult child know that if he kept it up he would lose all but 7 outfits was an excellent way to handle it. I didn't pass too much down among my kids because I had a girl in between 2 boys and the spread in ages was just so much - 3.5 yrs between the first 2 and 4.5 between the second 2. Mostly just tshirts got passed down. I did let them keep a couple of special shirts to maybe make into a quilt later, but other than that it just wasn't an issue I would accept debate or discussion on. I had the problem of a mother who sent a large box of clothing and toys at least 3 times a month. So nothing was really special or irreplaceable much of the time, esp to Wiz - the contents were usually primarily for him, later for him and thank you but not nearly as much for Jess (a huge problem with my mother that took a real toll on her relationship with Jessie and still does).</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, I wouldn't allow too much discussion - it mostly is just about wanting to control everything. I am sorry it upset him so much. I have a cousin who had the opposite problem with her youngest kids - boy and girl twins. They would NOT accept any new clothing regardless if their current clothes didn't fit. Their mom would have to put clothing that was too big or for the next seasons into their drawers three to five MONTHS before it was needed or the kids just wouldn't cope. Wouldn't keep them on, stop crying for weeks if htey even touched the "new" clothes. Their first child was 8 years older so they didn't have handmedowns from him, but it was an enormous problem that lasted until middle school. </p><p> </p><p>I hope that difficult child can come to accept this as just the way things are. Could you give him a separate box or bag to put clothing that doesn't fit and that he can part with in? So that he feels osme sense of control on a regular basis? Be sure that he knows that you can take clothes out of his other drawers, etc... but if he has things he wants to pass down he can put them in the bag? Then maybe give him a small reward if he actually uses it? I am torn on this idea. It might make it easier or he might decide that it makes you taking other items out of his wardrobe an even bigger "crime" against him. It may actually be best if you pick this as an issue you just won't bend on and he has to adjust to - staying on a firm line might make it easeir for him to accept this in the long run.</p><p> </p><p>You won't know unless you try, but you may not even want to accept this as something to negotiate. While collaborating is a good thing, there really isn't anything wrong with refusing to collaborate on something like this. Only you can know if it is worth trying or not - whatever works for your family is best!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 408549, member: 1233"] We had some problems at times with this. A ceremony might be helpful if you think your kids would "buy in". I think letting your difficult child know that if he kept it up he would lose all but 7 outfits was an excellent way to handle it. I didn't pass too much down among my kids because I had a girl in between 2 boys and the spread in ages was just so much - 3.5 yrs between the first 2 and 4.5 between the second 2. Mostly just tshirts got passed down. I did let them keep a couple of special shirts to maybe make into a quilt later, but other than that it just wasn't an issue I would accept debate or discussion on. I had the problem of a mother who sent a large box of clothing and toys at least 3 times a month. So nothing was really special or irreplaceable much of the time, esp to Wiz - the contents were usually primarily for him, later for him and thank you but not nearly as much for Jess (a huge problem with my mother that took a real toll on her relationship with Jessie and still does). Anyway, I wouldn't allow too much discussion - it mostly is just about wanting to control everything. I am sorry it upset him so much. I have a cousin who had the opposite problem with her youngest kids - boy and girl twins. They would NOT accept any new clothing regardless if their current clothes didn't fit. Their mom would have to put clothing that was too big or for the next seasons into their drawers three to five MONTHS before it was needed or the kids just wouldn't cope. Wouldn't keep them on, stop crying for weeks if htey even touched the "new" clothes. Their first child was 8 years older so they didn't have handmedowns from him, but it was an enormous problem that lasted until middle school. I hope that difficult child can come to accept this as just the way things are. Could you give him a separate box or bag to put clothing that doesn't fit and that he can part with in? So that he feels osme sense of control on a regular basis? Be sure that he knows that you can take clothes out of his other drawers, etc... but if he has things he wants to pass down he can put them in the bag? Then maybe give him a small reward if he actually uses it? I am torn on this idea. It might make it easier or he might decide that it makes you taking other items out of his wardrobe an even bigger "crime" against him. It may actually be best if you pick this as an issue you just won't bend on and he has to adjust to - staying on a firm line might make it easeir for him to accept this in the long run. You won't know unless you try, but you may not even want to accept this as something to negotiate. While collaborating is a good thing, there really isn't anything wrong with refusing to collaborate on something like this. Only you can know if it is worth trying or not - whatever works for your family is best! [/QUOTE]
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