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I'm A Clothes Thief
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 408624" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>When you have a kid who feels that life is so chaotic that he can't cope until he can control some aspect of it, I do think it needs to be dealt with, with compassion. When you force the issue and simply assert your parental rights, the child feels even less in control and often will respond by becoming even more controlling in response. But if you can engage the child (in any way - a ceremony is just one idea) then you are setting yourself AND the child up for success in this later in life.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was a terror about not wanting to part with his favourite items of clothing. He might have outgrown them badly, or worn them through. I had to compromise with him about how to dispose of them. He finally was OK with me giving his old clothes away, as long as he knew where they were going. And as it turned out, once they were gone, he quickly accepted the replacements.</p><p></p><p>That has been our other problem - getting difficult child 3 to wear his new clothes. I learned to buy old clothes from op-shops for him, because pre-worn and softened were more comfortable for him. New clothes feel wrong to him. Besides, he can be so hard on clothes that it would send me broke.</p><p></p><p>One day we were on holiday and happened to stop for coffee right next to a large op-shop. difficult child 3's dressing gown was far too small, threadbare, ragged and generally only fit for the compost heap. But I couldn't get it off him. So I saw a lovely soft towelling robe, very large. It was big enough for me to wear - which I did, that whole holiday, because difficult child 3 refused point blank.</p><p>Then difficult child 3 got sick a couple of months later. He had to see the doctor, and was just too sick to get dressed. So I said, "You can't wear your raggy dressing gown, it is not decent. Here, just for now, wear this large robe." And he was so sick, he didn't argue. But at the doctor's he discovered, he could wrap himself up in it like a blanket, which he did as he lay down on the doctor's couch. I had won him over. That was three years ago. He's grown a lot, the new robe is now old and has a tear in it. It no longer wraps around him, but it now fits normally. </p><p></p><p>Old jeans - I keep them, even the rags, to use as patches. I make shorts out of jeans with ripped or badly worn knees. Jeans not so badly worn, I patch. Old shirts - difficult child 3 gives them to a neighbour of ours who is younger than him. Or if they're ripped, husband gets to use them in the shed. But always, difficult child 3 has to have choice. he has to own the decision and be part of it. it makes it easier for him to later on say, "I've outgrown this, I need to give it to the neighbour." And your ultimate goal is to help him learn how to function responsibly and independently.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 408624, member: 1991"] When you have a kid who feels that life is so chaotic that he can't cope until he can control some aspect of it, I do think it needs to be dealt with, with compassion. When you force the issue and simply assert your parental rights, the child feels even less in control and often will respond by becoming even more controlling in response. But if you can engage the child (in any way - a ceremony is just one idea) then you are setting yourself AND the child up for success in this later in life. difficult child 3 was a terror about not wanting to part with his favourite items of clothing. He might have outgrown them badly, or worn them through. I had to compromise with him about how to dispose of them. He finally was OK with me giving his old clothes away, as long as he knew where they were going. And as it turned out, once they were gone, he quickly accepted the replacements. That has been our other problem - getting difficult child 3 to wear his new clothes. I learned to buy old clothes from op-shops for him, because pre-worn and softened were more comfortable for him. New clothes feel wrong to him. Besides, he can be so hard on clothes that it would send me broke. One day we were on holiday and happened to stop for coffee right next to a large op-shop. difficult child 3's dressing gown was far too small, threadbare, ragged and generally only fit for the compost heap. But I couldn't get it off him. So I saw a lovely soft towelling robe, very large. It was big enough for me to wear - which I did, that whole holiday, because difficult child 3 refused point blank. Then difficult child 3 got sick a couple of months later. He had to see the doctor, and was just too sick to get dressed. So I said, "You can't wear your raggy dressing gown, it is not decent. Here, just for now, wear this large robe." And he was so sick, he didn't argue. But at the doctor's he discovered, he could wrap himself up in it like a blanket, which he did as he lay down on the doctor's couch. I had won him over. That was three years ago. He's grown a lot, the new robe is now old and has a tear in it. It no longer wraps around him, but it now fits normally. Old jeans - I keep them, even the rags, to use as patches. I make shorts out of jeans with ripped or badly worn knees. Jeans not so badly worn, I patch. Old shirts - difficult child 3 gives them to a neighbour of ours who is younger than him. Or if they're ripped, husband gets to use them in the shed. But always, difficult child 3 has to have choice. he has to own the decision and be part of it. it makes it easier for him to later on say, "I've outgrown this, I need to give it to the neighbour." And your ultimate goal is to help him learn how to function responsibly and independently. Marg [/QUOTE]
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