Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I'm a hypocrite
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 239110" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>The point I was making is that when we understand a kid's perceptions , the way she sees the world , we have a better chance of connecting and helping them. We no longer live in a world where kids say ' We are not allowed to hit , but when we are older we can hit ' , kids and in my humble opinion rightfully so are saying ' Do not do unto others what you would not like done to you ' and this applies to children as well. </p><p></p><p>We might think differently , there is John Rosemund and there is Alfie Kohn , faber and Mazlish . What really matters is what our kids are thinking.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (1995) ask us to put ourselves in the place of a child who has been subjected to the punishment known euphemistically as time-out: As an adult you can imagine how resentful and humiliated you would feel if someone forced you into isolation for something you said or did. For a child, however, it is even worse, since she may come to believe that there is something so wrong with her that she has to be removed from society.</p><p></p><p>William Glasser - Control theory and reality therapy says that criticizing is a deadly parenting habit . So not only does it not help to say I am the parent and it is my job to criticize , kids don't buy into this talk and in any case they have a good case and support in parenting authorities.</p><p></p><p>Daisy face - I prefer to take my parenting cues from likes of Ross Greene, Alfie Kohn, william Glasser , Faber and Mazlish and not commedians.</p><p></p><p>What happens when a friend spills a drink on your tablecloth - don't worry , only an accident , there is a washing machine , when a kid does it - ..... </p><p></p><p>Parenting here is not easy , it is walking on egg shells being very careful with language trying not to be judgmental , just describe , at most offer information. It is in my humble opinion all about teaching skills, helping our kids to learn to trust us that they see as a help. Sometimes a mentor , or older sister can do a better job than we do , I recommend mentors for our kids.</p><p>The best advice I was given was to talk to my kid like he was my neighbour's 25 yo son .</p><p>One of my favourite quotes - What children need more than love from their parents is respect. I know it is tough here , we need to wear the rhino skin all the time , but in my humble opinion talk - I am the parent , he is the child does not help very much. It gets in the way of us seeing our role and contribution to a conflict or the child's behavior and lemnds to a ' doing to' rather than a working with approach to kids. I am sure we know or agree that we can't really control the behavior of another human being , we can however influence them if we have a good relationship and they learn to trust us. Again - this is tough </p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 239110, member: 10"] Hi, The point I was making is that when we understand a kid's perceptions , the way she sees the world , we have a better chance of connecting and helping them. We no longer live in a world where kids say ' We are not allowed to hit , but when we are older we can hit ' , kids and in my humble opinion rightfully so are saying ' Do not do unto others what you would not like done to you ' and this applies to children as well. We might think differently , there is John Rosemund and there is Alfie Kohn , faber and Mazlish . What really matters is what our kids are thinking. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (1995) ask us to put ourselves in the place of a child who has been subjected to the punishment known euphemistically as time-out: As an adult you can imagine how resentful and humiliated you would feel if someone forced you into isolation for something you said or did. For a child, however, it is even worse, since she may come to believe that there is something so wrong with her that she has to be removed from society. William Glasser - Control theory and reality therapy says that criticizing is a deadly parenting habit . So not only does it not help to say I am the parent and it is my job to criticize , kids don't buy into this talk and in any case they have a good case and support in parenting authorities. Daisy face - I prefer to take my parenting cues from likes of Ross Greene, Alfie Kohn, william Glasser , Faber and Mazlish and not commedians. What happens when a friend spills a drink on your tablecloth - don't worry , only an accident , there is a washing machine , when a kid does it - ..... Parenting here is not easy , it is walking on egg shells being very careful with language trying not to be judgmental , just describe , at most offer information. It is in my humble opinion all about teaching skills, helping our kids to learn to trust us that they see as a help. Sometimes a mentor , or older sister can do a better job than we do , I recommend mentors for our kids. The best advice I was given was to talk to my kid like he was my neighbour's 25 yo son . One of my favourite quotes - What children need more than love from their parents is respect. I know it is tough here , we need to wear the rhino skin all the time , but in my humble opinion talk - I am the parent , he is the child does not help very much. It gets in the way of us seeing our role and contribution to a conflict or the child's behavior and lemnds to a ' doing to' rather than a working with approach to kids. I am sure we know or agree that we can't really control the behavior of another human being , we can however influence them if we have a good relationship and they learn to trust us. Again - this is tough Allan [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I'm a hypocrite
Top