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I'm a hypocrite
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 239131"><p>Allan,</p><p></p><p>I respectfully disagree about talking to my almost 14 year old daughter as I would a 25 year old adult. There is a huge difference between the two. For one, if a 25 year old adult were talking to me that way in my home, they would be forced to leave my house - forcefully by police if necessary. If a kid spills a drink on my tablecloth, it would be the same response as you provided with an adult. You're comparing apples to oranges. </p><p></p><p>Part of parenting a child is setting boundaries on what is acceptable behavior and what is not. That starts at home. It is not acceptable to behave as she did. And knowing MY daughter as I do, there is no talking to her when she is like that. As the professionals have said her thinking brain and her emotional brain do not work at the same time. The only way to get her to the point where I can talk to her is to remove her from the situation so she can de-escalate. That said, I am not going to tolerate verbal abuse from anyone in my home - my child or anyone else. I didn't yell. I didn't raise my hand. But there are rules in my home, as well as in society. I would be doing her a huge disservice by not teaching her what is acceptable.</p><p></p><p>For what it's worth, the professionals who know my child and have worked with her agree with how I handle these things. I think I'll go with their advice rather than someone who has never met my child.</p><p></p><p>Every situation is not the same and every situation cannot be handled in the same manner.</p><p></p><p>Because I set boundaries and enforce them in no way implies I do not respect my child. I have an immense amount of respect for her opinions, feelings, wants and needs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 239131"] Allan, I respectfully disagree about talking to my almost 14 year old daughter as I would a 25 year old adult. There is a huge difference between the two. For one, if a 25 year old adult were talking to me that way in my home, they would be forced to leave my house - forcefully by police if necessary. If a kid spills a drink on my tablecloth, it would be the same response as you provided with an adult. You're comparing apples to oranges. Part of parenting a child is setting boundaries on what is acceptable behavior and what is not. That starts at home. It is not acceptable to behave as she did. And knowing MY daughter as I do, there is no talking to her when she is like that. As the professionals have said her thinking brain and her emotional brain do not work at the same time. The only way to get her to the point where I can talk to her is to remove her from the situation so she can de-escalate. That said, I am not going to tolerate verbal abuse from anyone in my home - my child or anyone else. I didn't yell. I didn't raise my hand. But there are rules in my home, as well as in society. I would be doing her a huge disservice by not teaching her what is acceptable. For what it's worth, the professionals who know my child and have worked with her agree with how I handle these things. I think I'll go with their advice rather than someone who has never met my child. Every situation is not the same and every situation cannot be handled in the same manner. Because I set boundaries and enforce them in no way implies I do not respect my child. I have an immense amount of respect for her opinions, feelings, wants and needs. [/QUOTE]
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