I'm ashamed to admit this but ...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by shellyd67, Nov 18, 2011.

  1. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    As I scroll down the home page of Facebook, I am viewing several friends posting all their kids achievements.

    Honor Roll, Student of the Month, etc, etc ...

    A part of me feels like the green eyed monster wants to creep out ... LOL

    But as I really thought about it, difficult child had some awesome acheivements this month. He received two Student of the Day awards for being respectful and responsible and he also had his very first newspaper article printed in the school paper.

    So HUMPH !!! LMAO
     
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I hear you. Congrats to difficult child on getting published!
     
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I get it...

    Congrats to difficult child though!
     
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I completely understand. Last week, when I was originally led to believe that my difficult child would be released from a long term stay in Department of Juvenile Justice before Christmas I was then told that he'd be released in Feb then would go to a long term group home, putting him around 18 yo before there's any hope of coming off parole. This means chances are slim to none he'll ever live with me again and somewhere along the way, he'll most likely drop his goals of getting a high school diploma and furthering his education.

    And, I got to spend a few days this week listening to a co-worker talk incessantly about how her daughter will graduate early, makes honor roll, was raised going to private schools, achieves in sports, and how lucky all of them were. I don't begrudge any parent bragging on their kid who's achieving. I do begrudge it when after they have done that for some time and we parents of difficult children mention that our kid has issues or is in trouble or otherwise says enough to let them know that we aren't in the same boat, they continue to hound on how wonderful their kid is. Those parents could be spending that time thanking doG or helping others or advocating for those who aren't in the same boat, Know what I mean??
     
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh the green eyed monster comes to haunt me frequently. It helps when they get out of school - and then *suddenly* everyone elses' kids have problems too!
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending understanding hugs your way. I think husband has had this even more than me. Last year when easy child/difficult child didn't graduate on time (but did get to walk and finish in summer school) and then didn't go off to college and she wasn't even working at the time he was hearing about all of his co-workers kids and where they were going off to college. I get it to some degree but I think he deals with it more.
     
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    No ladies! Don't let that green-eyed monster anywhere near you! You post all your child's achievements, and be proud. We have students in our class who had the most wonderful day, yet if they were in a regular ed class, they would most likely have been expelled today. They had the best day and so did I! I was privleged to have spent my day teaching them. I swear, I have the best job. My point is, compare these kids to themselves only, celebrate every achievement and compare them to no one. Your child is a good person, has a good heart, and is a lovable little cutie-pie. Your friends child is amazing and so is yours!
     
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I've always liked to try and remember this story for the G.E.M - Hope it's board appropriate - Someday - I will have to write you all and explain how many (what most would call) tragedies I have been blessed with in my life. I didn't always look at them as learning or sharing experiences and most people are quite surprised, some even doubtful when I tell my lifes' story - I couldn't make up one any weirder. Anyway hope this helps you as a footnote for the back of your mind on days when you just want to smack the smile off an over-achiever, and glue her hair to the wall. Cause we all have felt like that - Just need to remember everyone has problems.

    I have yet to meet a person with whom I would trade my troubles. Although my problems seem almost overwhelming at times, everyone else's problems always seem to be greater—even those people who appear to have a "blessed" life. You know the people I mean—the people with the better homes, the more important job, the happier marriage and more wonderful kids. However if you look deep enough, often they have had or are having problems in some way—problems that I would not want to have.Maybe this little story I heard from a friend will explain it better…
    One day a man complained to God that his cross was too big and heavy. God took the man to a large warehouse with a small entrance door and said, "Go inside and leave your cross by the door. Inside you will find crosses of many different sizes and shapes. Take whichever one you like."
    "Wow," the man thought, "this is more like it." So, leaving his cross just inside the door, he went into the huge warehouse. Inside were hundreds of crosses. And, yes, some were bigger than the others, but even the smallest one he could find was much bigger than the cross he had been carrying.
    After searching through all the crosses for several hours, the man headed back towards the door in disappointment. Nearing the door, in a darkened corner, he saw a small cross. It was smaller than any other cross he had found in the entire warehouse. Joyfully he picked it up and carried it through the door to show it to God.
    "See what I found!" he cried joyfully as he approached God. "It is just the right size for me. I can carry this cross."
    "I'm glad you can handle it," God replied. "That is the same cross you brought here."
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good story Star.

    I dont often think about the "what if's" in regard to my kids to much. I do with myself sometimes. I slap myself upside my proverbial head quite often and I think Cory does too. By now he has taken on the responsibility for being mad at himself for screwing his life up so I dont have to do it anymore...lol.

    I do have to admit though that I got really ticked off one time when I was working and we were in one of those round table meetings with a bunch of social workers. The meeting hadnt started yet and everyone was chatting around the table. It was spring and everyone was talking about graduations, proms, drivers licenses, boyfriends, girlfriends, colleges, etc. Then they made the fatal mistake of looking at me and asking about my kids. I had had it. I had gone to some of these very same people begging for help for Cory and they all looked at me like I had 4 heads and claimed they had no clue about anything. Cory was facing a week in juvy at that point so I let it rip.

    I told them that I was just so proud that my son had been arrested for felony possession of fake pot and had skipped over 60 days of school at that point. He was headed to juvy for a week in the near future. He had been hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital the previous May, thanks for asking. Being SW's maybe they should increase their awareness of exactly what special needs were and what mental health included. That I knew SW's at this agency knew slim to nothing about diagnosis's or anything to help children with these issues and I had no clue how they could help any child that came in through foster care. I said that while they were worrying about the color of dresses and limo's or if so and so would get a corsage, I was worried about if my son would actually live to see his next birthday or if his bipolar diagnosis would cause him to commit suicide.

    The room got incredibly silent. But not a damn thing changed.
     
  10. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I am so proud of difficult child and easy child for all their acheivements ... I usually don't post difficult child's acheivements on facebook because he prefers that I don't ...

    easy child on the other hand will pose for picture after picture ... LOL
     
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    so great that he got student of the day awards. I wish all of those positive behavior schools would do student of the day...maybe even just class by class. Q used to say, mom I have been here 3 years and I never get student of the month. He never would for sure. but he probably tried harder every minute of every day than any other kid had to do accomplish any little bit of work. I did feel sad about that many times. I did tell him I was proud of every little thing, but he is not one to love compliments at times. He has gotten better and now says in a low tone...thanks. But at other times he has even said to me, you need to "encourage" me, not get mad I didn't do something. I know it was an emotional ploy at the time to not do what I was asking him to fix, but I also think he really does feel that often, at least from his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) perspective.....

    My most jealous moments are when I see my nephews who are both around the same age, playing and doing everything together. Even when Q comes over they have stopped playing games and not let him play in case he erases data or whatever. I have said, well if you play with him then he wont be the one clicking on things. Stop abandoning him every time he comes around. He looks forward to being with you, it is maybe once ever two months, so maybe you could try. In the past two years they have become more patient and understanding.. the 12 yr old even called me to just check to see how Q was in the hospital. My sister had no idea. The other asked me if he was going to die. proceeded to tell me a story of a time his mom had to take a reward away from him after being disrespectful and he said he told his mom, that was too harsh, he said he felt so sorry for him.

    When they were little my sisters did a "boys" picture and they left Q out. they bought matching outfits and everything. It really still makes me tear up. Like they didn't think how it would feel to have him not be on the grandparents refrigerator and have Q ask why he is not there. And he did. the number of pics of him in general on their walls and refrigerators is very low comparatively speaking. I do get jealous, I admit it and it is not right I am sure.

    I have said before too, I know it is not the end of the world, but I do feel sad for him when I think he wont ever have a real career or live on his own or have children. and I wont have grand babies. I will have lots of great nieces/nephews and we are close so I know I will have a similar experience...but for my son, I do get sad once in a while. I am good at pulling myself out of it usually. Just moments of a pity party....(as IC put it once, lol)

    long post for a short idea: I get it, it can be hard at moments, but great you can share the amazing accomplishments, that is something typical parents don't get... the extraordinary joy each and every achievement can hold. It means multiple times more than a typical achievement. We get to be privileged to see those steps and support our difficult child's
     
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