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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 309543" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Welcome back, Rachelfran.</p><p>I agree with-MWM. This has all the signs of Asperger's: <em>He talks back to the teacher - when she announces that it's time for something new he almost always says - loudly - why do we have to do that? and i don't want to.. etc. He whines and complains about everything and if i try to promise him things for behaving correctly - he'll say things like - I don't think I can do that.</em></p><p> </p><p>If that's the diagnosis (and if I were you, I would behave as though it is, because the interventions are great, no matter what he has), you will have to train him to accept the teacher as an authority, and that when she says it's time to change tasks, it is time. Period. Now, you also have to "train" the teacher. IOW, she will have to cue him b4 she actually announces the change to the class. Maybe ea am, have her take him aside for 30 seconds and say, "First, we have homeroom, then math, then English, then recess. It is always in that order. I will give you a signal 5 min. b4 I announce the change to the class, so you can prepare for the change in your mind." (I would suggest something subtle so that he doesn't risk being ostracized by his classmates.)</p><p>I would also get him on antianxiety medications. B4 our son was diagnosis'd, he ended up in the psychiatric hospital, and they put him on Clonidine. It's a heart medication for adults, used off-label for kids. It took the edge off his anger, which was caused by his anxiety. (Note that girls tend to cry, boys tend to yell. Sorry to stereotype, but it happens quite a bit. The end result is an out-of-control, nonfunctioning kid.)</p><p>You must have routine, routine, routine. </p><p>on the other hand, you must teach him that routines break down, which does NOT translate into a breakdown on his part. </p><p>When my son was little, our child psychiatric told me to take difficult child on errands, tell difficult child where we were going, reverse or mix up the order, and plan on a meltdown. </p><p>Bingo. Meltdown. Since I was deliberately causing the meltdown, interestingly, I did not melt down. (And yes, I was contributing to the problem.) All of a sudden, I felt empowered. I understood where the meltdown was coming from and I had control.</p><p>After several weeks and mo's, difficult child calmed down. He realized that I was still his mom, we were still in the same car, and we would eventually go home when we finished. (He also realized I was in charge, something we work on every single day.) Sometimes during errands, during the "training phase," I would throw in a curve ball and take him for a nice surprise, like a slurpee or a hamburger. (Amazing that even Aspies can deal with-change when it works in their favor, LOL!) Sometimes, I would rattle off a list of places to go, knowing I would not do all of them, and cut the list short. I'd say, "Would you rather go to the carwash or go home?" Of course, he said, "Go home." That made <em>him </em>feel empowered. (I had to be careful not to let him do that if he was raging or even raising his voice, because these kids will argue until they keel over and they never give up.)</p><p> </p><p>Throughout all of this, your difficult child will learn how to control his anxiety and other emotions. It's a very, very slow and painful process, but there IS hope.</p><p>medications really help some Aspies.</p><p> </p><p>If your son ends up with-a diff diagnosis, say, "regular" anxiety, and is not on the spectrum, I would still recommend intervention and behavior modification.</p><p>He will learn to slowly enter into situations that make him nervous, and ea time he does it, the anxiety will lessen; desensitization. (At least, that's the idea. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" />)</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes talking up a situation just b4 he gets somewhere will calm him down. Depending upon your son's personality, that could ramp him up and make him worse. You know your son better than anyone.</p><p>A lot of this is trial and error.</p><p>The medications help, but they are not a cure-all.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/cheers.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":cheers:" title="cheers :cheers:" data-shortname=":cheers:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 309543, member: 3419"] Welcome back, Rachelfran. I agree with-MWM. This has all the signs of Asperger's: [I]He talks back to the teacher - when she announces that it's time for something new he almost always says - loudly - why do we have to do that? and i don't want to.. etc. He whines and complains about everything and if i try to promise him things for behaving correctly - he'll say things like - I don't think I can do that.[/I] If that's the diagnosis (and if I were you, I would behave as though it is, because the interventions are great, no matter what he has), you will have to train him to accept the teacher as an authority, and that when she says it's time to change tasks, it is time. Period. Now, you also have to "train" the teacher. IOW, she will have to cue him b4 she actually announces the change to the class. Maybe ea am, have her take him aside for 30 seconds and say, "First, we have homeroom, then math, then English, then recess. It is always in that order. I will give you a signal 5 min. b4 I announce the change to the class, so you can prepare for the change in your mind." (I would suggest something subtle so that he doesn't risk being ostracized by his classmates.) I would also get him on antianxiety medications. B4 our son was diagnosis'd, he ended up in the psychiatric hospital, and they put him on Clonidine. It's a heart medication for adults, used off-label for kids. It took the edge off his anger, which was caused by his anxiety. (Note that girls tend to cry, boys tend to yell. Sorry to stereotype, but it happens quite a bit. The end result is an out-of-control, nonfunctioning kid.) You must have routine, routine, routine. on the other hand, you must teach him that routines break down, which does NOT translate into a breakdown on his part. When my son was little, our child psychiatric told me to take difficult child on errands, tell difficult child where we were going, reverse or mix up the order, and plan on a meltdown. Bingo. Meltdown. Since I was deliberately causing the meltdown, interestingly, I did not melt down. (And yes, I was contributing to the problem.) All of a sudden, I felt empowered. I understood where the meltdown was coming from and I had control. After several weeks and mo's, difficult child calmed down. He realized that I was still his mom, we were still in the same car, and we would eventually go home when we finished. (He also realized I was in charge, something we work on every single day.) Sometimes during errands, during the "training phase," I would throw in a curve ball and take him for a nice surprise, like a slurpee or a hamburger. (Amazing that even Aspies can deal with-change when it works in their favor, LOL!) Sometimes, I would rattle off a list of places to go, knowing I would not do all of them, and cut the list short. I'd say, "Would you rather go to the carwash or go home?" Of course, he said, "Go home." That made [I]him [/I]feel empowered. (I had to be careful not to let him do that if he was raging or even raising his voice, because these kids will argue until they keel over and they never give up.) Throughout all of this, your difficult child will learn how to control his anxiety and other emotions. It's a very, very slow and painful process, but there IS hope. medications really help some Aspies. If your son ends up with-a diff diagnosis, say, "regular" anxiety, and is not on the spectrum, I would still recommend intervention and behavior modification. He will learn to slowly enter into situations that make him nervous, and ea time he does it, the anxiety will lessen; desensitization. (At least, that's the idea. ;)) Sometimes talking up a situation just b4 he gets somewhere will calm him down. Depending upon your son's personality, that could ramp him up and make him worse. You know your son better than anyone. A lot of this is trial and error. The medications help, but they are not a cure-all. :cheers: [/QUOTE]
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