I'm BACK !!!! Raising grandson who will soon be 5 and is a handful..

[Cass40]

Hello everyone after not being here for sometime now I'm back with difficult child issues once again but this time with my grandson,looks like I'm going to be doing it all over again.Our grandson is the son of my oldest difficult child he was taken from birth by CAS and put in care my husband and I fought CAS for 14 months to get custody of him as the parents didnt have a chance.We have been raising him since he was 14 months old he was a very good baby at the age of 3 behaviours started to develop.He will get up very early in the morn between 5:30 to 6:30 not often will he sleep in. From the time he opens his eye til the time he goes to bed he goes non stop he has a issue with listening its like you can tell him over and over again and he still does things like nothing had been said. Consequences dont fiz on him,time outs ,things taken away and so on and he will go right back and do the same thing.He started school in Sept everyday all day J.K his teacher just loves him has said hes her smartest student in his class (both parents had learning problems) which is great news.She says he has a great memory and is doing great that way in class but he has the same issues at school then at home he goes goes goes and doesnt listen.I've already had 3 calls from the principle since Sept.Hes almost ready to be kicked off the bus I already had to drive him cause he got a 2 day bus suspension he wont sit on the bus throws things and doesnt listen.This is his second bus driver and she has the same complaints as the first.Hes being taken to the office by the bus driver Mon morn cause of issues Friday.He sees his dad a couple times a month but not long visits cause dad still wont get help for his bipolar and difficult child grandson is handful enough.Mother hasnt been in the picture for 1yr and 2months she had visits but wasnt involved as she should be dedided to move out of town and havent heard from her.Just found out a few months ago that mother smoked marijuana throughout whole pregnancy.
So thats a bit of an udate where Im at these days I'm trying my best to figure out what triggers difficult child grandsons issues but he's a tough one to figure out I'm lucky to have my mom take him every other weekend for us to have a break.

 

[myeverything04]

Welcome back!!
It sounds like you have been through the diagnosis stage for your older children so I'm sure you know all about that! My difficult child was diagnosed with ADHD a little over a year ago and through posting here I have realized she needs a neuropsychologist done as I'm starting to feel she may have Auditory Processing Disorders (APD). Have you had any evaluations done yet? I'm sure since he just started school some new behaviors have arrised. Or at least it seems I became more aware of issues once my difficult child started school

 

[BusynMember]

Welcome back!!

is it possible that grandson's mother may have drunk alcohol while pregnant? That could cause a lot of problems. Also, since he wasn't with you until fourteen months and had chaotic early years...have you looked into attachment issues?

 

[Cass40]

I'm not sure about the alcohol it seemed to me that she wasnt much of a drinker at the time or when she was with my son but after they split up she did alot more drinking and smoking pot.As for getting our grandson when he was 14months he was in a foster home from birth until we got him, his mom and dad and any other family who wanted to would see him for supervised visits twice a week.None of the mothers family members are involved with him at all either and we live in the same small town when I run into them at the store or somewhere they dont even ask about him.I've made a doctors appointment for him so I can go over some of the issues with his Dr.

 

[BusynMember]

thank you for answering. Every little bit of information helps. Alcohol use while pregnant can cause learning and behavior problems in the child. If there are fetal alcohol exposure issues there, it is not your grandson's fault that he is "hyper." That's one affect as alcohol does work on the brain of a developing fetus. I'd definitely take him to somebody who understands kids who have been drug exposed in utero. Not all pediatricians, therapists/psychiatrists do. We adopted a child who had been exposed to drugs/alcohol in utero and took him to a special clinic in Chicago (but we lived in Chicago). We also had him evaluated by a neuropsychologist. I feel neuropsychs are the best diagnosticians because they are so intensive and cover all areas of functioning. My son was tested for a total of ten hours. Your little one needs an IEP so that he can get special accommodations in school. Have you asked for one?

Attachment disorders happen when a child's first years are chaotic and they don't have one particular loving or caring caregiver. This also causes all sorts of behavior problems. Does your child show remorse when he has done something wrong? Does he seem to understand that it's wrong? It's too bad your grandson had to go into foster care and not straight to you, but I understand how messed up the system can be about custody. Hey, I'm an Gran too and I think you're a hero for taking your grandson and raising him. It seems like a no-brainer (I'd do the same), but not all grandparents want to raise a child after their own are gone, even a grandchild. He's a lucky little boy.

 

[Cass40]

I still cant say forsure about the alcohol cause at one point his mom would complain if my son drank. I understand what your saying about the attachment issue to the foster parents he had were great and still wants to be in his life but Im concerned that may make it very confusing for him as he was very little and wouldnt remember being there.He is very smart and doesnt have any learning issues he will pay attention when learning things he seems to be better behaved if he has something to keep him occupied,for the bus issue Ive been trying to get him to look at a book so hes not getting into trouble and sits.He could sit and play video games for hours if we allowed him which we dont lol we have to limit his time with the video games he plays learning games and fun games non violent ones.He does better on video games getting through the levels then older kids I know.He is a very loving boy always lots of hugs and kisses and I love yous which is something Ive always encouraged with my kids is to always say I love you.When he gets in trouble he is aware that its wrong but most times not remorsful and will often laugh at you when disciplining him.Thank you midwest mom I dont consider myself to be a hero for taking our grandson in,I believe things happen for a reason and I'm guessing with the issues that are arising with him that theres no way his mother wouldve been able to deal with him so thats why things turned out the way they did. Luckily Im a woman of many patience

 

[buddy]

He sounds like one very blessed little boy to have you in his corner!

 

[Cass40]

thank you buddy .

 

[mazdamama]

Hi...I wasn't here when you were here before but I am somewhere in the neighborhood of where you are now. I took custody of my two grandsons in 2002 and adopted them in 2004. They have lived in this home since the elder of the two boys was 10 wks old in 2000. Bio mom was seriously mentally ill and I wound up kicking her and my son out in 2002 when the boys were 9 mos and 18 mos and keeping the boys. There were many caregivers for that first year or so because the youngest of the boys had many medical problems and when he was in the hospital I had to leave the older one with sitters.

I can say a few things here though that may help. It is VERY hard to go from being a grandma that can spoil the child and send him home to one that your home is now his home. I can imagine how thrilled you were to get him out of foster care and I bet a bit of spoiling went on in your joy to have him with you. These little buggers remember everything deep in the resources of their minds. Now that he has gotten older you realize that you are basically his mother....he recalls the grandma spoiling him and thinks he can get away with things that a grandson can that if he was your actual child he would not.

He may indeed have some issues with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) because of changes in caregivers but he also may be testing his limits between that grandma/mom status you find yourself in. Don't know if I am allowed to put this here but I do belong to another online support group (they sent me here for help) that is for grandparents raising grandchildren. The transition from being grandma to being mom a child is very hard. It is at GrandsPlace Grandparent Support Center For Kinship Care Givers and all those there have been where you are. Good luck and God Bless you for keeping this little boy with family.

 

[Steely]

Welcome back...I am sure we have exchanged posts...what was your screen name before ?..

 

[Cass40]

Thanks Mazdamama for your responce I thought I had my hands full with one you must really be busy with 2. It was a great feeling to finally have him out of the foster home and yes your right it isnt a grandparent, grandchild relationship like it should be.I cant say that I have really ever over spoiled my grandson I think he still gets just as much extra attention as he did when he came to live with us Id have to say all my kids are spoiled that way..As for his behaviours he is like this with everyone in the house his Papa, Aunt & Uncle and now the school.Thanks for the info on the other website.
Steely my screenname before wasnt much different it was Cass10 thanks for the welcome :smiles: