I'm beginning to get it

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ML, Nov 26, 2009.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    I want to say a special thank you to my PE friends for your support and encouragement as I deal with the "stepson that lives in the basement".

    I'm starting to believe he's drinking more than I thought. I think we're dealing with addiction on top of everything else. He comes by it honestly I suppose. I suggested husband go to some alanon meetings with me to help create healthier boundaries for himself and our family.

    husband was whining about wanting to do our own Thanksgiving. Basically his sons don't particularly like going to my parents home. No particular reason, they just, for some reason, make ZERO effort to be polite to engage in conversation. They go there and say nothing and just look miserable. My brother nicknamed them "the sunshine boys". I told husband that I was not up to cooking a separate meal. My parent's home is beautiful, warm and inviting to anyone who makes the least of effort. I feel like husband doesn't want to accept his new reailty. He IS part of a blended family now and he can either mourn holiday's past or embrace the "isness" of the current reality. I'm done trying to make everyone happy. I'm exhausted frankly and I plan to have a wonderful day and meet anyone halfway that wants to enjoy it as well. But anyone that wants to dig their feet in and express passive agression junk can do it without any attention from me. husband or either of the sunshine boys can cook a separate meal if it is that important to them and I'll show up with bells on. Clearly they have issues but they're not mine and they can work through them on their own time lol. You have to know me to realize what progress that is for me. I'm the eternal caretaker.

    Anyway, I'm very thankful for this group. Love, ML
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    {{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}} I'm hoping to avoid the P/A stuff myself today. I'm feeling quite happily detached, for now. I hope you have a great day!
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    ML, you sound so positive and so detatched! Good for you, and hope you have a great day. You too Witz!

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    ML you've come a long way baby! :D Good for you. And there is a freedom in it isn't there? I know there was when I finally reached that point.

    I hope your day turned out wonderful. :)

  5. maril

    maril New Member

    I hope you enjoyed the holiday. Your attitude inspires...good for you!
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    How did it go, ML?

  7. ML

    ML Guest

    Well sunshine boy #1 was a no show. Which was fine, but it was rather PA for him to not call or answer the 4 telephone calls we placed to him beforehand. Oh well, the basement son was pleasant and a good time was had by all. It is liberating to give up trying to the create the perfect holidays for everyone. Having said that, I told husband I would compromise and do Christmas with just our little family but I will stop by mom's on my own. Manster for the first time ever will not be with us on Christmas. He's going with dad to visit his family in S. Cal. They'll enjoy trips to Disneylands and the like.

    It will be a lean year that's for sure. Our company is doing furloughs for the foreseeable future so we're having to do more with less. Though I won't complain because I realize I'm lucky I still have a job.

    Thanks for asking Suz :)
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm so glad to hear that it worked out. I know I always hold my breath during holiday dinners because you never know who will erupt- lol!

    I think having a small Christmas dinner celebration at your house is a thoughtful and loving compromise. Good job.

  9. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I work at a counseling center; most of the clients are there because they have been court appointed as the result of a DUI. Many are clearly dependent on alcohol. Whether it is a case of alcohol abuse or dependence, almost always we have noticed denial. I gather these clients are chasing a high. A high that once brought them relief from pain. Soon, the pain (and problems) can't be numbed away and worse, they escalate. Sometimes, we'll see a client honest and working hard toward getting healthier. One client recently (a young man) was (and is) going to AA meetings. He was getting a lot of benefit from them. I really like that you are going to Alanon. It's good to detach and accept what you can accept. We don't have alcohol abuse in our personal situation, but but many of the feelings seem to be the same. The Serenity Prayer has been of comfort to me. I also get a newsletter from the Hazeldon organization. And although it really is more for the user, I find it comforting. Glad your holidays were good and keeping my fingers crossed for next month.
    Lasted edited by : Nov 28, 2009
  10. ML

    ML Guest

    Thanks No! ODAAT.
  11. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

  12. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I don't really understand either....

    Perhaps you are taking "one day at a time?"
    Especially for those of us struggling with "stuff" this seems like a really gooooood idea. One that I find totally helpful.
    And when things hit the fan, I say to myself "I can do all things through the One who strengthens me" Also, "this too shall pass" and as you likely implied, "one day at a time."
    Now that I think about it...lots of cliches....but no matter.....we all have a choice in the matter. Use the tools at our disposal or not. What do we want? We didn't cause this. But we have a choice of how we are going to react to it. We want to get through this, survive and enjoy life to the best of our ability. Thanks for reminding me about the power of One Day At A Time! (hope that is what you were referring to).

    Lasted edited by : Nov 29, 2009
  13. ML

    ML Guest

    Yes, one day at a time. Sorry to be cyptic, I didn't mean to be. Thanks for getting it No.