Im beyond frustrated...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kassaysmom, Jan 13, 2016.

  1. Kassaysmom

    Kassaysmom New Member

    Heres some history: My ex husband and I separated when my youngest was not quite 1. She was always a quiet baby, never cried and was overall great compared to my 3 toddlers. When I left my ex, he took my kids, hid them and we started going through a very messy divorce, I think screwing up my kids in the process. Chris got temporary custody and proceeded to drag me through the mud of how horrible of a mother I am and was. During which time, he started dating his best friends wife, moved her kids into the marital home, and I lived a half hour away as I had to go to a shelter for protection after he assaulted me on night. Everybody was in his corner, including our neighbors and my brother, who all of them, had said previously he wasn't the one who said he shouldn't get the kids. We separated in 2006. during all this throughout several years time, refusing me the kids, me going into inpatient treatment for mental issues because the courts wont quit,he had the kids with many different caregivers and to top it off I lost custody of my oldest child when theis was all going on and I fell apart. My ex husband who had raised my daughter since she was 6 months old, he refused to go to court with me. Nakyta is now in texas since 2008 and Ive gotten to see her twice since then. (I'm not ok, this has caused me so much mentally,but .. I'm trying to deal with it through journaling. anyways, during the year, my kids are raised by me, my ex-husband and my ex mother in law who was deemed unfit back in 2007 when my kids were removed from HIS home because his girlfriends kids were sexually and physically hurting my children. They were in foster care for over 7 months and they were returned to him.. So, meanwhile, we have had issues with my youngest Alexis. She is now 10 and I had her tested and she has reactive attachment disorder, ADHD, Conduct Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, Auditory Processing Disorder, possibly Autism and bipolar. My ex had her in cousneling after I tormented him about it but I didn't know where or when. He told the cousnlor that I didn't want to be in her life. He also told the school I didn't want a part in my daughters life at school. I have them all summer and every other weekend and holidays. Ive tried taking him back to court, theres so much chaos in my home. she is constantly destroying my home, her and her siblings cant or are inable to get along. A few weeks ago, she stole her sisters phone and downloaded men on men porn, steals things, hides food and her siblings things. My son has an aggression issue. Last week, he tried punching me in the face when I made him mad. I moved and he ended up punching the steel door and breaking his hand. Shes seeing theses things that he ex doesn't care and only wants the kids to control me. I'm so frustrated. Theres more but i'll spare you currently..
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for all this, but am not sure what is going on. When your husband took the kids, did you go to court with a lawyer? Did you go to one to work out a legal plan between the two of you?

    From what you say, it would not be shocking if they did have reactive attachment disorder and many other issues. If your ex has legal custody though he gets to make the medical decisions. Can you go back to court to fight for more custody or at least joint legal and more parenting time?

    Do you have a support system? It makes no sense that "everyone" was in your ex's corner since he is abusive. Who is "everyone?" His family?

    Have you gone for therapy? This can help a lot.

    I don't have any other answers, but I hope the best for you. Did you remarry? Have any other kids? Hugs for your hurting heart.
  3. Kassaysmom

    Kassaysmom New Member

    We have joint legal, I had to fight that. At first, he didn't think I should have anything. I had appointed lawyers who only did the bare miniumun. I have taken him back to court, the judge who plays golf with my exs attorney threw the case out telling me that I was only doing this to get back at my ex. I have gone to therapy off and on. I was going to start again next week, and just ended up getting fired this morning( not something I want to talk about, I'm still having a tough time as I loved my job)so I lose my insurance at the end of Feb. So ill go till then. Coparenting doesn't exist in my exs vocabulary. He told the school several years ago that I wanted nothing to do with my kids. I've had the principal call the cops on me,saying that I was going to kidnap my kids. My support system is nothing. I have scattered friends here and there. My adoptive parents and I's relationship is rocky and my biological brothers want nothing to do with me. They keep telling me I'm worthless like our biological mother. My one brother use to be my best friend went to court on my exhusbands behalf. My nephew is the same age as my son and they go to school together. I live 2.5 hours away from them, my one daughter doesn't want me moving back there as all of her friends live in the town I live in. I have been dating someone for almost 3 years. I have a 15 year old that lives with her dad and is brainwashed by him. doesn't want anything really to do with me and I raised her for the first 7 years without him.
  4. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly Active Member

    How old is your son that tried to punch you? From what I am reading you share custody throughout the year. Are any of the kids living with you currently or are they back with their Dad?

    My sister went through a really bad divorce and she had cancer at one time and it didn't look like she would live. She gave custody to her ex husband. Well she did live and when she tried to get the kids back her ex husband and his family fought her hard and brain-washed the kids. She ended up walking away from it all for her health, sanity, etc.

    I am not saying to walk away but if this continues to be a nightmare for you where everyone is for the ex and no one to support you and your health, job, life continues in a downward spiral, maybe you should just let it go and move on with your life. The brain-washing, non support from anyone is going to end up destroying you to a point of no return. YOUR daughter doesn't want you moving back there because her friends live in the town you live. Sorry but she doesn't get to tell you where you can live. You have lost job, your insurance over all of this. I am so sorry you are going through a nightmare with your ex, friends, family and children. YOU have no job now and ex husband will use this against you for being unable to support the children. Many parents have had to let their children go in order to regain control over their lives. For their sanity, health, home, jobs. In letting go this is no different then folks who have had to kick their kids out of the home and go no contact and the kids never do make contact again. Some do come around eventually and do get their lives in check. Just not seeing where you can win with anything at this point. YOU have to get your life back.