I'm bruised and cut, REALLY BAD DAY

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Oct 19, 2011.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well, I think no matter what Mr. sp. ed. admin says, this medication IS affecting difficult child in a dramatic way. After school just before Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker came I found more cigarette butts in a bag and he tried to say they had been there a long time. I reminded him he had just gotten the bag two days ago so no, that was not true. So, I said for a while I need to be with you if you are out with friends (I always am but I am not always right next to him, just can see him down the end of the court yard). HE FLIPPED....I want to play with my friends! screamming. started hitting, punching , kicking...went out and got rocks and started throwing went on and on and on.....Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker and I put him in a cpi hold, my teen neighbors whom he loves tried to calm him (and in the end that is what worked he was able to walk, Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) just walked behind to make sure he was safe..I was a trigger so held back after he was calmer) I was calling doctor, 911 and trying to figure out where he would go. I have never had to do that, in all other times I could get thru and calm him. Another neighbor was outside and calling 911 too....He was SCREAMMING. tore my glasses off, threw his off. I finally got a clonidine in him and dr said he could have another. He is fine/calm now. Police were actually great...since he had started to calm I asked them not to rev him up and they actually drove their cars out of sight and just stood by. four of his neighbor friends tried talking him down (I know that can be too much but their hearts were in the right place) and once he had calmed he actually did listen to them (well at least it got his brain into another mode). So, he came back and took the prn clonidine, told me he loved me and didn't know why that happened. He was wondering if he can still play with friends, I said yes, there will be a consequence for the cigarette butts and hitting me but we will decide on that later. Since this is a medication issue I am not going to go too hard but dont want him to get a thought in his head he can do t his stuff. I told him he will probably have to wait 3 hours tomorrow before starting to watch his races. He said that was fair, but could he earn less time. i said no and he said ok.

    Only other time he was like that was on Seroquel and Risperdal. School has twice said he has perseverated for 2 hours on inappropriate words and sentences, if they try to stop him he goes on and on telling them off.

    So, the new doctor came thru,she is on vacation and still her nurse got ahold of her and texted orders. I didn't ever have to take him to a hospital and dont want someone just doing crazy stuff to him so I wanted to know what to do if we did need to go to hospital. She gave me the procedure and I am going to make an emergency pack with all current medications and medications he can't have.

    I am partly worried that with the huge weight gain he really needs more concerta since that is what has always worked before when his verbal outbursts/overall impulsiveness has increased. Problem is he is already on a high dose. I can give him a prn ritalin and if I am really wondering I may tell the doctor I am giving him one just to see what we are dealing with here. I am usually right on for which symptoms are controlled by which medications. But this new medication throws a wrench into that.

    What do you who have been there do when your kid is in a medical crisis like that and you want them in a place where their own doctor will be able to help. I have the hospital she is affiliated with but they dont always have a bed.

    Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker was actually ok with taking him out still and they are gone. He gave me ahug. His face is tear stained and I am just in shock and very very sore from all the punches and kicks. He has never beat me up so much before. It was totally different.

    Maybe I do need to start drinking.....sigh.
     
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Now that a little time has gone by, the cops are gone, the neighborhood is back to quiet, I thanked the neighbor who called 911 with me (wife is an autism teacher and cpi trained) and my brain is calmer, but now I am feeling the pain. I have had one kick or hit with other littl ones but not punched in teh stomach, rocks at my head, hard smashing punches on my arms, my bones actually hurt. bruises up my legs and scratches all over my hands to add to the scars I already had from when he was younger. It felt like hours but it started at 330 and he was calm by 350....his eyes kept turning right so I am really thinking a seizure but wow, that was so scary. I can't believe it took police ten minutes to get her, their building is only a few blocks away.

    I feel so sad for him.
     
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If this is what it is, and it is THAT serious... keep pushing at the therapist/psychiatrist/everybodyelseintheworld.
    There HAS to be an answer.
    Its just not necessarily easy to find...
     
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh yeah, and the psychiatrist nurse has already called me twice just checking in because the doctor is texting her from vacation asking how we are doing. SO thank heaven they really do step in. Remember, I told you guys she actually BOUGHT he whole clinic/outpatient treatment program and she was not taking new patients but chose to take on my difficult child because she only takes hard kids. She also said she already called neuro so I wll be talking to her tomorrow.
     
  5. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    My thoughts are with you. Hope you can find some quiet time, maybe a hot bath for your ecky bones.
    I'm also glad the medical team hears you.
     
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have no expertise to share. Just want you to know that I think you are making valiant efforts for your difficult child, I am so very glad that you have good support prsonnel....and most of all that I am sending caring gentle hugs your way. DDD
     
  7. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    Oh Goodness. Sounds like an "off the chain" day. Wow. I am so glad you were able to get him calmed down. And that you weren't hurt more than you were. I can't even imagine. Sounds like you have an amazing doctor on your team. I'll be waiting to hear from you tomorrow. And I think I will hand you a glass of wine... you deserve it.
     
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    Gentle hugs.
     
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thank you cyber support team... holding the tears back to keep him steady....Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) goes home in ten minutes....
     
  10. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so sorry buddy. That is an awful thing to have to go through and I feel for him not being able to control it. Definitely meet with the neuro soon. The eye thing had me thinking seizure too and the new medication might be either causing them or intensifying them. I would seriously consider stopping that medication. That is exaclty how "off the wall" difficult child 1 got on Risperdal.

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you AND difficult child. Take care of yourself and take lots of ibuprofen. When I am in real pain, my doctor told me I could take 3 tabs 4 times a day OR 4 tabs 3 times a day, regardless of what the bottle says. Keep us posted.
     
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Buddy, I thought seisure as I was reading your account even before I saw that his eyes were turning. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Sounds like the new doctor is a keeper though. May I suggest you take a warm bath and soke those injuries? It might make the sorness settle down. -RM
     
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh been there done that...it is the worst. Did this all happen when he started the Lamictal? Because this is what I was talking about with Matt. He flipped his lid over a tomato on his sandwich to the extent he had to be hospitalized when he started Lamictal. Although he has never been diagnosis with seizures, despite EEGs, to me it it obvious that he has them when these types of things happened in his life. I know you hate the thought of phosph - but it might be a good place to have him do this medication switch.

    by the way - you have amazing neighbors. My neighbors all turned their back on me and treated me as if I had the plague once they witnesses how disturbed he could be. Not one ever stepped up and asked if they could help....instead they ostracized, called cps, and gossiped. I am glad your community is different - it gives me hope.
    (((HUGS)))
     
  13. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I'm sorry you got hurt. And I'm sorry difficult child now has the guilt of he hurt you. From your other posts he sounds like a kid that realizes things and feels hurt by them but covers up his emotions because he wants to be "normal".

    Maybe medication changes should occur in the hospital? Wait for them to have a bed before you do the medication change and get him stable on a medication before having him go home with you. He doesn't want to hurt you. No one wants you hurt and he is getting bigger.

    The emotional heartache. I just wish I was there to hug you. You are doing an awesome wonderful job. You're neighborhood responded so well. I'm impressed by how caring and not intimidated by him they are. Wish mine were more like yours.
     
  14. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Buddy, I never experienced this degree of violence. All I can say is I am so sorry you are going through this. Big hugs and lots of supportive wishes for you both.
     
  15. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    BIG BIG HUGS. I can't fathom the pain and sorrow you are going through right now.
     
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sending bg hugs. I know how sore and scared you are. been there done that only my child didn't have the reasons to be violent that yours does. Mine did it by choice and it was not dependent on any medication because he did it on and off of a lot of different medications and no medications.

    Your neighbors are amazing! I am so impressed. Be sure to let them know that all of us here truly appreciate how caring and helpful they are.

    Your doctor is also amazing. If he needs to be in a hospital it needs to be the one she can see him at. She should be able to help with that. I can't think of our docs who would have texted from vacation.

    Buddy, I KNOW you don't want to talk or think about this. I also understand that the violence was due to a seizure and NOT from any choice of difficult children. You still have to start thinking about long term care. It is likely that you won't be able to handle him if he gets much bigger. No one person could. Loving him, or him loving you has little to do with it. There is every chance that he might flip this way with a seizure and cause permanent damage to you. Then, where will he go when you are recovering? I hope that the local police are VERY AWARE that his behaviors are due to brain injury and he is NOT violent by choice. You need to speak to the police chief and whomever is the head of the local police station to be SURE they understand that his violent behavior is because he has seizures in the part of the brain that controls this behavior. Otherwise if he were to hurt you so that you needed an ambulance, they might put him in jail. Even at 14 kids are sent to prison. Or to juvie facilities that are as bad or worse than adult prisons (the one for kids who do serious crimes is a LOT worse than the max security prison here according to my stepmil who volunteers in both of them and around the world with prison systems.).

    Is there anyone who would be his guardian if something happened to you? Someone the neighbors could notify if something happened, so that difficult child had someone to care for him and protect his legal rights in a situation like that?If you don't have a family member or friend who can do this, ask at the dept of human svcs or maybe call a lawyer to see if a guardian ad litem could be appointed who would only get involved if something happened to you. I don't think most police are trained to understand that a teen could seriously assault someone without ANY intent to harm, regardless of the words that poured from his mouth, that they can grasp that his brain is seizing and that is causing the violence AND the verbal garbage.

    It may be that you and difficult child need someone with you full time, not just whatever hours the Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers are there. I know he won't hurt you on purpose, but if this isn't taken care of very soon I am worried that he will hurt you seriously and then you would have to fight the police and the courts to protect him. Maybe I am projecting, because it was a HUGE fear of mine with Wiz and we actually couldn't keep Wiz in our home safely. I just cannot see a good outcome for difficult child if you got seriously hurt. So maybe it is time to think about ways to ahve more help around so that it won't happen?

    I am glad you were not more seriously hurt. in my opinion his reaction to the consequence of waiting before he could watch the race is so telling - tells me he has NO idea what happened and he sure didn't have any intention of hurting you.

    Sending lots of hugs. I hope that you can find a medication to control these seizures. They are no fun for any of you.
     
  17. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    This is really hard for you and I can only imagine all your feelings. As has been said, I think you are doing such a fantastic job. I would also be somewhat fearful about the future and the possibility that your boy may one day, without being able to help himself, do you real damage. Can you discuss this with the doctors? I don't really know what else to say other than that your boy is truly blessed to have you as a mother. Please look after yourself.
     
  18. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending more hugs, Buddy. How are you doing today?
     
  19. keista

    keista New Member

    Suzie, I do not think you are projecting. I think you bring a very valid perspective. You did the same for me in the past and I think your plans for buddy to plan are good ones and grounded in the sad reality of gfgdom.

    I think we all should plan this way even if our difficult children aren't really violent. We just never know what may happen at any given moment. Think of it as a hurricane or tornado, or whatever disaster plans are popular in your area. GENERALLY we can get through it, but what if the worst happens?

    Buddy, I hope you are not too achy this morning.
     
  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi guys! Susie I hear you. Absolutely we have discussed this. Many many times. Yes, if it comes to not a just once out of the blue kind of thing for sure the next step is in home and then he will be placed out of home. If it is just during medication transition we have an out patient place so he just comes home when he takes night medications and they can up them faster and handle him there. If that doesn't work then he would go to their hospital.

    As the night wore on, the kids asked difficult child to play, the Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker was with him till730. Two moms came out and gave me a huge hug. One was one of the little boys who was trying to talk him down. He said, so THAT is what you were talking about this summer if he has a seizure, I said, yeah...he said that is so sad.

    The neighbor right across the way is the mom of a former student of mine from the school for the Deaf. Her younger son (N) has been depressed, her x made him to to treatment which was not his issue and he threatened suicide so was grabbed and taken to a psychiatric hospital. He is doing great now (only 2 months later) with o/p treatment. SOOOO, he is the one who walked for about 1/2 hour with difficult child and his big teen friends (the ones who played with him in the pool) joined so he couldn't have hurt anyone at that point, they are all wrestlers. difficult child told him, well, I am just going to kill myself, this is too much. the teen (N) told him, hey man, even if you dont mean that, the police hear you and they HAVE to take you away...trust me. He told him, he doesn't really want to do that but he is just so frustrated.

    This morning he is still elevated and anxious but trying soooo hard to cooperate. He just asked me when he can watch sports today. He has been up since 7 so I told him not till 11 and he said OK! I told him since we are having medication issues if I dont see he is really calm, I can't take him to horseback riding and he is okay with that too. He gets his retainer today, we will see if I dare take him there..tons of contstruction and so a 15 minute trip can be an hour. but his teeth will move if I dont get it quickly. I am worried if he has this when it is in he willbreak it and choke anyway. I will discuss with the ortho today, maybe he needs something that can't be put in and out.

    For now, if I can at all manage this at home with support I will because since I quit work that means I am paid thru his insurance to care for him. I would lose my housing because of no paycheck if I can't care for him. But if it is for safetly I will just have to do what I have to do. I think my dad would help in a one month kind of emergency but it would cost 3000 to buy out my lease. To be honest, this was awful, but it is not worse than the daily less violent behavior rages where I had to hold him for hours when he was younger. To know that was coming every single day, that was awful Luckily clonidine took care of that.

    I am fine, sore neck (I remembered he pounded me on the back of my neck when I turned to pick up my glasses...) and back (always sore anyway) but the arm aches from the pounding is the worst. And the big lump on the back of my calf when we were first putting him in the hold. Nothing that Ultram wont help (I can't take advil because of esophogeal ulcers from my auto-immune thingie).

    Thanks, guys.....I have never had support thru this besides my family who just didn't really get it. They love us but they have pulled back. The response from my neighbors and you guys made me not panic and realize that we will be okay no matter where he ends up.



    so, now the school bus company called and they are switching his bus time to 302 arrival at home...school lets out at 3..does that mean they are jetting him home? I think it is so there can be a bus waiting since he has been bullied into his own bus and he panics they will leave so he runs out of class early. they made that problem because all of the Special Education busses load early and he got into a pattern then had a driver last year who pretended to drive away without him to tease him because she said he was a"brat". I will go along with an earlier time, he would be wasting time now there anyway....BUT....that driver and aide were trained and hand picked specially and so now did they just get some random folks? He is loving his new driver and has only been 3 weeks with him. the driver/aide makes or break things...the first one this year, if you remember told our admin and his boss that he will not follow any behavior program for a kid who is just being a jerk. school is out but his teacher is there. I emailed her and I know she will call me. I will drive him Monday until we meet with them and I know they are safe.
     
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