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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 694233" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you Darkwing and SWOT. Darkwing. M just told me this: <em>I know you are tired and stressed but you are not done educating your son. </em></p><p></p><p>Darkwing. Whatever the errors you see you may have made, you deserved too that a parent be there for you, a mother, to try and try and try for you. Even if she felt she had nothing left to give.</p><p></p><p>I do not think I would have the stamina to do this without M. But I believe he is right. My son has nobody but me, really. And M. He does not really have himself. In many ways he is still a child, covered up by the bluster of an arrogant man. I am not making excuses for him. It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>I am very tired. Maybe I target him because he is easy pickings. That is mean and small and cruel if I do that. I am not sure that I do not. Kind of like "kick the dog." I feel pushed and pushed at work--it is highly demanding--and I am old now. Maybe I can't or should not do it anymore-work in such a brutal environment. It was brutal to me 20 years ago. Maybe now it is killing.Maybe M is pushing himself beyond what he can do, too. I know he is. He is old too, I guess.</p><p></p><p>It is not obligation. It is love. And the desire to live by ethics. And to grow beyond what is comfortable and easy. To right what was wrong. To take responsibility even where it was not your own to begin with.</p><p></p><p>Very much, I think, like you are trying to live now. We are not unalike, I think, darkwing.</p><p>M said something like this tonight, but a little different.</p><p></p><p><em>It is our job to tell him and tell him but not to get mad. In the end, he will decide how he wants to live. He will tire of it all, and us, and leave or he will stay and decide to change. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>You see, M wants me to feel and to know that I did everything a mother could do, and more. He wants to feel this for himself, too. Maybe both of us are atoning for stuff in our pasts that can never be remedied. Sometimes I think this. But this too, is what it is.</p><p></p><p>I agree with M and I agree with you, SWOT. But I want my son to stay. When I have my real mind back, I want him to stay to learn...if he can and then, himself, decide.</p><p></p><p>I am just very, very tired.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 694233, member: 18958"] Thank you Darkwing and SWOT. Darkwing. M just told me this: [I]I know you are tired and stressed but you are not done educating your son. [/I] Darkwing. Whatever the errors you see you may have made, you deserved too that a parent be there for you, a mother, to try and try and try for you. Even if she felt she had nothing left to give. I do not think I would have the stamina to do this without M. But I believe he is right. My son has nobody but me, really. And M. He does not really have himself. In many ways he is still a child, covered up by the bluster of an arrogant man. I am not making excuses for him. It is what it is. I am very tired. Maybe I target him because he is easy pickings. That is mean and small and cruel if I do that. I am not sure that I do not. Kind of like "kick the dog." I feel pushed and pushed at work--it is highly demanding--and I am old now. Maybe I can't or should not do it anymore-work in such a brutal environment. It was brutal to me 20 years ago. Maybe now it is killing.Maybe M is pushing himself beyond what he can do, too. I know he is. He is old too, I guess. It is not obligation. It is love. And the desire to live by ethics. And to grow beyond what is comfortable and easy. To right what was wrong. To take responsibility even where it was not your own to begin with. Very much, I think, like you are trying to live now. We are not unalike, I think, darkwing. M said something like this tonight, but a little different. [I]It is our job to tell him and tell him but not to get mad. In the end, he will decide how he wants to live. He will tire of it all, and us, and leave or he will stay and decide to change. [/I] You see, M wants me to feel and to know that I did everything a mother could do, and more. He wants to feel this for himself, too. Maybe both of us are atoning for stuff in our pasts that can never be remedied. Sometimes I think this. But this too, is what it is. I agree with M and I agree with you, SWOT. But I want my son to stay. When I have my real mind back, I want him to stay to learn...if he can and then, himself, decide. I am just very, very tired. Thank you very much. [/QUOTE]
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