I'm drained

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mum2JK&TH, Jun 18, 2007.

  1. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    Pretty emotional weekend for us all here. Thought I nailed it with the track thing for his behavior but it continued even after that. Thank you for all the well wishes and good lucks!
    It was difficult child's cousins birthday on Saturday so they had a swim party at the grandparents house. Me trying to be ahead of the game made arrangements for difficult child to go a little earlier so that he could swim before having to go to his hockey tournament. Stupid, stupid me! He didn't want to leave there. Get to the arena and we knew it wasn't going to be good. Teams weren't fair and rules weren't followed and difficult child just got worse. Game one was ugly. Spoke to difficult child, he seemed better, went on for his 2nd game, was AMAZING! Won player of the game. Halfway through the 3rd game, difficult child gets scored on, he's fine except ref does not clear the area (4 on 4 hockey is continuous play so when there is a goal the other team is supposed to move far back so that the goalie can play the puck safely), other team gets another goal. Within 10 seconds, 4 goals. difficult child loses it, stops trying. He literally stood there and watched the puck go in the net. I have never seen difficult child behave like this on the ice, I left. The coach for the team he wanted to try out for next season was there and saw it all, he's probably blown his chances. Got back to the grandparents and he was fine. Got home and easy child asked if they could have a sleepover in her room. I find easy child setting up all the stuff and told difficult child he needed to help or there wouldn't be one. This sets him off, he starts being mean to easy child, so she says she doesn't want to do the sleepover anymore. He loses it, yells at her, yells at me and starts saying he's going to kill himself. easy child loses it because she is tired of him hating her and blaming her when all she is trying to do is nice things for him.
    Yesterday was fathers day and difficult child did well. I took husband out last night without the kids, dinner and a movie as it's been months since we have done it. Find out when we get home that difficult child started again, running himself into walls and acting crazy, trying to get my mother to call us so that we would have to come home.
    I am so drained. I don't understand what is causing this but I'm not sure how much more I can take. It is taking it's toll on me mentally and physically. I feel numb most of the time and it's starting to cause problems with my marriage. husband and I are not fighting, he just continues to say that I am not like I used to be. I don't smile much and I'm always down. I don't want to be like that but difficult child just sucks the life out of me. Every morning I try but by evening his issues leave me exhausted.

    Is it to much to ask for a little stability? I found myself yesterday sulking about how amazing he would be if he didn't have all these issues. His talents, his personality, his everything.

    Sometimes it's just not fair :sad:
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Christine, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with difficult child. Have you considered counseling and/or medications for yourself? It is draining to parent a difficult child, and you may very well need to do something to shore yourself up.

    Having said that, it sounds as if your difficult child is struggling with anxiety and depression. What is being done to address those symptoms. Is he still on Concerta and Clonidine? Concerta can exacerbate anxiety and cause depression over the long haul. Clonidine can increase irritability. Neither medication deals with emotional issues, and you really may need to go there at this point.

    Hope today is a better day. Hugs to you.
     
  3. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    The game sounds familiar. difficult child can be doing great, have a great game and if he gets scored on,(soccer) or misses a kick, or if he fumbles the ball or strikes out(baseball) he will give up. He usually talks loud enough for all parents to hear. How he's quitting, he's not playing next season, if they lose it is all his fault, blah, blah, blah. Heard it all a million times.

    This year we (I) decided to talk to his coach about his bipolar diagnosis. The coach was very understanding. More than I had hoped for. I explained to the coach if you try to talk to him he will become angrier and it is just not worth the effort. Coach had him last year also. Twice this year, difficult child went off in a tizzy, and the next inning, he didn't come out. He was left alone. Nobody tried to cheer him up. Just ignored him. coach sent someone else out for an inning and next inning difficult child was great. Like nothing happened. Just so embarrassing to sit there and see/hear him. Want to crawl in a hole at that time. husband usually leaves for a little bit. I don't look his way and cheer on the rest of his team.
     
  4. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    mum, I understand how tired you are....and emotionally drained. I feel the same way towards everything. I guess I can't say it's hurting my marriage of 37 years, but it sure doesn't help any. I always feel beat up on. Doesn't that sound like a ridiculous description? I know, I know....take some time for just the two of you...yadda, yadda, yadda. WHO has the time, WHO would care for difficult child (no one wants to be around him), WHO can relax under the circumstances? Numb is the perfect word.
     
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    difficult child just sucks the life out of me

    Boy, can I identify!

    So sorry.

    I would definitely get counseling.

    In re: to the game, hey, that's not too far out there...things like that happen all the time. It's just exaggerated because you have a difficult child.

    He probably lost it with-his sister because he had all that leftover anxiety and tension. I know my difficult child will hold in things from school all day and then take them out on us for something insignificant.

    {{Cyberhugs}}
     
  6. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    I can't describe the feeling any other way, just numb and basic, whatever feeling. I just want to have a happy day from morning til night, it is impossible.

    Smallworld - he is still on the same medications and I too am wondering if some of it isn't the medications. I would like to take him off of them for the summer as he is with me anyways and see what happens. I can handle most of his behaviors but the depression and instability I cannot.

    Kjs - thing is that difficult child has never been like this before. He usually takes it all in stride, that's what makes him good in sports and made him a great goalie. If he got scored on, it didn't phase him, he continued to try. This was the first time I have seen this ugly side of him. We stress the fun and always tell him no matter what do your best and have fun.

    Pamela - beat up on works for me too. It's like every time you get a little bit of strength and begin to stand a little taller, difficult child does something to knock you down until you physically and mentally feel that way. I can't take time for me, difficult child finds a way or you get the few minutes to yourself only knowing in the back of your mind, you will have to come back to it at some point.

    I forgot to mention as well that lately difficult child cannot remember anything when the medications aren't working. Although he has always been forgetful, it has been worse lately alongside the unstableness. Then there are times where he tries so hard.

    It's the constant up and down that you just can't get your head on straight! Worst of it all is that I can't even begin to imagine how it must be inside his head and body.

    (((HUGS ALL AROUND!)))
     
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Wow! I was reading this and thinking "When did I write this?"
    We're going through the same thing. Our difficult child can't handle any type of transition, no matter how small it may seem to us. Right now, we're going thru 3 that I can identify. Change from regular school to the summer program, change in location, and his mentor is graduating into High School which is in another location.

    What's worked for us lately is to try to "by-pass" the melt-down before it happens. We disarm him with "what can we work out with you so that you're a little bit happy and we're a little bit happy?". It tends to stop the obsession within his ODD and starts him thinking toward negotiating. (We joke that he suffers from "premature negotiation").

    As far a feeling dumped on, every time we go through a "bulk" of issues, I feel the same way. That's usually when some knuckle-head tells you that things will get better. I know they will...I just want them better NOW!!!!

    Keep the faith...
     
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    difficult child cannot remember anything when the medications aren't working.


    I don't know what medications he's on, and you're dealing with-more issues than we are, but my difficult child is on Adderal, and he definitely has a hard time remembering things when they wear off. At least now, I know what the problem is, and I can prompt him by reminding him what he did earlier in the day, with whom he did it, and ask him to slow down and think. Eventually, he remembers but it requires work on his part. The good part is that his recall is better since he's been on medications, because we've been training him "how to think" and organize his thoughts.

    At any rate, the medication/memory issue is a reality.
     
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Christine,

    First off, sending some gentle hugs your way. You need to be sure to take care of you. difficult child's do drain us. You have to make you a priority-I know easier said than done but it is critical.
     
  10. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    gosh I give you credit for even being able to have difficult child in sports. My difficult child II is very athletic, but team sports are too humiliating for us and he is too abusive to his coplayers, coaches and even referees. So for now we've called team sports off. Hopefully some day he'll be able to play again, but he's losing so much time now when he's young.

    so sorry you're feeling blue. <<<HUGS>>>
     
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