SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
Does anyone else have a husband who wants to look like the "good guy" in front of the kids all of the time? My husband is really getting on my nerves!!! This morning, five minutes before husband was going to drive the kids to school, he tells me that easy child wants him to pick up a disposable camera for her. He proceeded to tell me that he could pick up a cheap digital one instead that comes with a memory stick. In the long run, it would be more cost effective.
I asked him if easy child was planning on paying for the camera herself. He said he wasn't planning on paying for it. I asked him if easy child knows this. He said he isn't sure. I'm POSITIVE husband told easy child that he would think about buying it. I KNOW he knows she wasn't planning on paying for it with her own money. (We won't let easy child use our camera because she doesn't take care of things that don't belong to her. Our camera was expensive and we don't want it trashed.)
Normally, this wouldn't have been a big issue. However, easy child, now being a "typical teen", is totally self-centered and needs to learn that you have to "do to get." Not only that but she needs to learn how to budget her own money. She wants us to pay for her camera because she wants to spend her money on a new dress and shoes for a dance next week.
easy child is smart and knew if she asked me for the camera, I would have told her basically what I just told all of you. So, instead of asking me, she asked husband. husband always wants to look like the "good guy" in front of the kids.
When I told husband that I thought easy child should pay for it herself if she wanted a camera that badly, he proceeded to say how he could get one cheaply at Wal-Mart. husband wouldn't let this go. I told him things like this should be discussed privately. He began screaming at the top of his lungs that he didn't think this was such a big issue. Meanwhile, he knew easy child could hear every word. He then slammed the door as he left the house. Of course it now looks to easy child like it is because of me that husband won't pick up the camera.
I called husband about half an hour later. I told him that I just wanted us to be on the same page and there was no need to begin the day this way. husband then went into a tirade about how he has no idea why this is a big deal. He said he was planning on getting a "house camera", meaning that any of the kids could take it when they want to use it.
I told him he was now changing the subject. I also explained to him that, as far as I'm concerned, buying a "house camera" is a tactic he is trying to use to appease everyone and come out looking like the "good guy." He got furious!!!
He then began screaming that while he woke up in a good mood, he is now going to have a miserable day. I calmly told him that if he chooses to have a miserable day, then it is his own choice. husband then brought up a few minor issues to deflect attention away from what we were supposed to be discussing. I pointed this out to him. I repeated that I called him just to clarify things, not to argue with him, but to talk so we would be on the same page. He hung up on me.
When husband is angry, he stays angry for a very long time. He doesn't let things go. Basically, the evening is ruined before the day even has time to begin. I'm so tired of this!!!
I honestly don't understand why he has to bring everything but the kitchen sink into every disagreement. I think he is trying to avoid talking about the disagreement, control me through raising his voice and getting more and more angry, until nothing is accomplished. Then he seems to get satisfaction out of slamming the door in my face or by hanging up on me. Is he just trying to control me???
To me this seems like a form of verbal abuse. I know I'm really emotional at the moment, but the way I see things, he is trying to control me through his anger. Am I crazy for thinking this?
If you've read this far, I appreciate it. I honestly appreciate all comments, even if you have something to say that you think I won't want to hear. WFEN
I asked him if easy child was planning on paying for the camera herself. He said he wasn't planning on paying for it. I asked him if easy child knows this. He said he isn't sure. I'm POSITIVE husband told easy child that he would think about buying it. I KNOW he knows she wasn't planning on paying for it with her own money. (We won't let easy child use our camera because she doesn't take care of things that don't belong to her. Our camera was expensive and we don't want it trashed.)
Normally, this wouldn't have been a big issue. However, easy child, now being a "typical teen", is totally self-centered and needs to learn that you have to "do to get." Not only that but she needs to learn how to budget her own money. She wants us to pay for her camera because she wants to spend her money on a new dress and shoes for a dance next week.
easy child is smart and knew if she asked me for the camera, I would have told her basically what I just told all of you. So, instead of asking me, she asked husband. husband always wants to look like the "good guy" in front of the kids.
When I told husband that I thought easy child should pay for it herself if she wanted a camera that badly, he proceeded to say how he could get one cheaply at Wal-Mart. husband wouldn't let this go. I told him things like this should be discussed privately. He began screaming at the top of his lungs that he didn't think this was such a big issue. Meanwhile, he knew easy child could hear every word. He then slammed the door as he left the house. Of course it now looks to easy child like it is because of me that husband won't pick up the camera.
I called husband about half an hour later. I told him that I just wanted us to be on the same page and there was no need to begin the day this way. husband then went into a tirade about how he has no idea why this is a big deal. He said he was planning on getting a "house camera", meaning that any of the kids could take it when they want to use it.
I told him he was now changing the subject. I also explained to him that, as far as I'm concerned, buying a "house camera" is a tactic he is trying to use to appease everyone and come out looking like the "good guy." He got furious!!!
He then began screaming that while he woke up in a good mood, he is now going to have a miserable day. I calmly told him that if he chooses to have a miserable day, then it is his own choice. husband then brought up a few minor issues to deflect attention away from what we were supposed to be discussing. I pointed this out to him. I repeated that I called him just to clarify things, not to argue with him, but to talk so we would be on the same page. He hung up on me.
When husband is angry, he stays angry for a very long time. He doesn't let things go. Basically, the evening is ruined before the day even has time to begin. I'm so tired of this!!!
I honestly don't understand why he has to bring everything but the kitchen sink into every disagreement. I think he is trying to avoid talking about the disagreement, control me through raising his voice and getting more and more angry, until nothing is accomplished. Then he seems to get satisfaction out of slamming the door in my face or by hanging up on me. Is he just trying to control me???
To me this seems like a form of verbal abuse. I know I'm really emotional at the moment, but the way I see things, he is trying to control me through his anger. Am I crazy for thinking this?
If you've read this far, I appreciate it. I honestly appreciate all comments, even if you have something to say that you think I won't want to hear. WFEN