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I'm going to jail!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="hexemaus2" data-source="post: 197027" data-attributes="member: 4560"><p>OH Deni, I can so understand the spot you're in. I don't know if how I've dealt with similar issues here will help you or not, but I can at least tell you. Then you can decide if a similar option would work for your situation.</p><p> </p><p>In the last 2 years, there have been 22 calls to our local police department when difficult child 2 raged & I needed help to calm him and/or transport him to the ER. That record has served to help us now that difficult child 2 is so seriously out of control and flat out dangerous when he rages.</p><p> </p><p>Earlier this year, I called 911 for help. difficult child 2 had thrown the couch, dining room chairs, and even turned the dining room table over on difficult child 1. I called 911 when he had her pinned to the wall by the throat. (Actually, I called & handed the phone to difficult child 3 while I tried to pull difficult child 2 off of difficult child 1.) I'm sure you all can imagine what my house must have looked like.</p><p> </p><p>The couch overturned & in the middle of the living room floor. Dining room chairs scattered all over the dining room, hallway, and living room. The dining room table and everything on it strewn all over creation. Now, we also have 3 large long-haired dogs & hardwood floors. On normal days, I sweep daily (we have to in order to keep the dog hair under control.) However, I only move the furniture and sweep the dog hair under it once a week. Of course, this particular rage happened on a Friday (cleaning day is Saturday) so when difficult child 2 tossed the couch, a ton of dog hair came rolling out. By the time the police arrived, the ceiling fans had tossed the hair everywhere.</p><p> </p><p>Now, here I am, as the police walk in, trying to pull difficult child 2 off of difficult child 1 in the hallway. The officers had to step in to help me get him off of her. The whole time, he's screaming he's going to kill us all. So, the officers could see I had my hands full with him. There was immediate threat to everyone's safety. But what are the police worried about? The condition of my house. </p><p> </p><p>Um. Duh. Sorry officer, I didn't have a chance to tidy up the mess my raging son made. I was a little busy trying to keep him from strangling my daughter. Remember when you came in? We were in the hallway? He had his hands around her throat, screaming he was going to kill us all? Remember that? It was just 3 minutes ago...and you just had to help pull him off of her. </p><p> </p><p>Didn't matter. The officer started reading me the riot act about what DFCS would say if they saw the condition of my house. I couldn't help it, I went off!! I said look buddy, if you're that concerned about the condition of my house, then by all means call DFCS. Maybe they'll be able to get me the ambulance I asked for when I originally called 911. Maybe they can help me get my son transported to the ER for admission to the child psychiatric ward. In the meantime though, I have bigger issues to address than some dog hair on my floor and righting furniture that my son just tossed all over the house. </p><p> </p><p>Long story short. They never called for the ambulance. I had to do that myself. And while I'm sitting inside dealing with Officer Moron of The Year, the EMTs arrived. The other officers sat outside talking to the EMTs while I was inside dealing with the idiot officer. By the time I came outside with difficult child 2 to talk to the EMTs, they flat out refused to transport him. The EMTs said they couldn't transport him without an officer & since the officers weren't charging difficult child or placing him under arrest, they refused to escort him. </p><p> </p><p>WHAT???</p><p> </p><p>So, I had to transport him myself, with the other difficult children in tow - one of whom he had just tried to strangle. (The officers told me I couldn't leave the other kids home alone, even though they were 16 and 13.) How's that for safety?? Dumb. Just dumb. But the stupidity didn't end there!! No.</p><p> </p><p>While I'm trying to load the kids into my Jeep, trying to reassure difficult child 1 that difficult child 2 wouldn't touch her again & we'd go get help ourselves, Officer Moron comes over and shoves his cell phone at me. He has DFCS on the phone. They want to talk to me. I said "you're kidding me, right? I'm trying to get my son to the ER and get him admitted before he kills someone, you people have refused to help, and now you want me to stop what I'm doing to talk to some woman from DFCS??!!?? Are you nuts?" He just shoved the phone at me and muttered some threat about arresting me. </p><p> </p><p>I took the phone, said hello, and explained that whatever they wanted, it needed to be quick. I had a son to transport to the ER and was getting NO help from our lovely Department of Public Safety. The lady explained who she was, why she wanted to talk to me, blah, blah, blah. And could she come meet us in the morning. That was it! The last straw for me that night. I went off like a rocket.</p><p> </p><p>No, I cannot meet you tomorrow morning. I will be at the ER all night trying to get difficult child 2 admitted. The last 4 times we've done this, it's been an all-night ordeal. I didn't expect to be home before 7am & when I did get home, I would be at our police department lodging a formal complaint with the Chief & making phone calls to our attorney for further action against the ambulance service because the way I see it? Both the police and the EMTs have just endangered my life and the lives of my children by forcing me to transport a raging, dangerous special needs child on my own because they're more worried about the furniture being out of place and dog hair being on my floor. Now, unless you plan on getting your <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> out of bed and coming to help me with this child since no one else will, then I suggest you contact my attorneys at (office number, address, and name) to set up a time for us ALL to sit down and have a chat about what has or has not been done this evening. </p><p> </p><p>I tossed the phone back at the officer and asked him to kindly move his vehicle out of my driveway so I could get my child to the ER. </p><p> </p><p>I was so p'd off it wasn't even funny. I was ready to have everyone's head on a platter & just about dare anyone (including the woman from DFCS) say a darn thing about it to me. I was on the side of the angels on this one, and I knew it. </p><p> </p><p>We did get difficult child 2 admitted that night. (And also found out from the folks at the ER that the police and EMTs absolutely CANNOT, under Georgia State law, just refuse to transport difficult child 2. Even if that means they have to put 3 or 4 officers in the ambulance and handcuff difficult child to a gurney - they HAVE to transport him somehow. They cannot simply refuse to help.) I did go the next morning and file complaints on the officers involved as well as the EMTs. </p><p> </p><p>I raised nine kinds of holy he// with everyone I could find who would listen. I called DFCS. I called Juvenile Court. I called the Chief of Police. I called the ambulance service. I called our county's Sheriff's office. I called our psychiatrist and pediatrician. I called our attorney. I called everyone I could think of. I was able to get through to the juvenile court judge and get some ideas of what/how to do whatever I needed to do. I refused to deal with DFCS without a lawyer present at all times. I yelled. I screamed. I begged. I pleaded. And for all my effort, got nowhere. But I had names, phone numbers, dates & times, and any other information all written down for who I had talked to, when, why, and for what. I created a bigger, more detailed paper trail than I ever have in my life. It didn't help then, but it has served to help since.</p><p> </p><p>Since then, there have been 4 more calls to the local police department to come help me with difficult child 2 & his out of control rages. There have been 3 more hospitalizations since then. The police have called out DFCS two more times since then. More phone calls, more in-office visits to people who don't return phone calls, and everything documented. I have been threatened with abandonment charges when I refused to take difficult child 2 home from the hospital. There have been numerous calls to the juvenile court judge's office. I swear, I don't think I've stopped kicking and screaming since that night with the dog hair issue. All of it documented with times, dates, names, phone numbers, etc. </p><p> </p><p>I was beginning to think that the only way we would be safe was if I wound up in jail & the kids all wound up in foster care. No one was listening. No one was helping. But they sure were threatening me with DFCS and jail!</p><p> </p><p>But finally, I was able to get to the Captain of our police department. I pulled out my journal with all these dates, times, names, etc. Dispatch was able to pull up all 22 reports from the last two years. I laid out discharge summaries showing 9 trips to the ER and 7 admissions from the last 19 months for difficult child 2. The evidence of what was going on was so overwhelming that there was no way any charge against me would ever stick, except to charge me with failure to protect the other two difficult children from difficult child 2. And I had plenty of evidence that I was doing everything possible to get help to protect us all from difficult child 2, but only hitting brick walls. Finally, someone started to see the same picture I've been seeing for years - the system is broken and difficult child 2 & the rest of our family are falling through the cracks. All I'm getting is threats - but no help.</p><p> </p><p>The Captain made some phone calls, sent some pretty bulky faxes (I think he faxed something like 20 or 30-some pages just to the folks at juvenile court!!) He took the approach that "Hey! Someone needs to wake up because this child & his history are a blazing liablity law suit waiting to happen!!" Amazing what progress he was able to help us make in just a few short hours. Suddenly, we had the judge's ear & a court date for 3 days later. Suddenly, we had someone in charge at the police department helping to ensure that the threats against me stopped & that any officer responding to a 911 call from us understood department policy in that regard. Man, I can't tell you how much just having that one person working to help us did.</p><p> </p><p>In short, the first thing I can tell you is document, document, document. Write down every phone call, who you talked to, what you talked about, the date, the time you called, the time the call ended, etc. Every stinking detail you can. Call the police every single time he gets violent - whether it's towards you or towards objects. If he so much as threatens to get violent, call the police. Get copies of those reports for your records, if at all possible. (Since they will be juvenile records, the police may be reluctant to give you copies - check local law to see what your rights are in terms of copies.) Keep all discharge summaries when he goes to the ER - even if they don't admit him. Write notes in the margins or in a journal, with doctors & nurses names, the reasons they state they won't admit him, etc. You really, really need a paper trail for everything going on. (And don't forget to include notes on his actual rages, notes on his daily moods/behaviors, etc. as those will also help at the ER.)</p><p> </p><p>The second thing I can tell you is that you'll have to get ugly with the ER staff in order to get him admitted. Just because he's not in mid-rage when they see him does NOT mean there isn't a problem. Be clear and direct with these folks & tell them that you fear for your safety AND his. If they say they aren't going to admit him, demand to speak with whoever is in charge of the psychiatric department. Dig your heels in if you have to. More than once I point blank told the ER staff that I would NOT take difficult child 2 home - even if that meant I walked out of the hospital and left him there. (That was the first time the hospital staff threatened to have me charged with abandonment.) Heck, I've even called our family attorney from the ER at 11 at night, with a psychiatrist right in front of me & asked him what my rights were in terms of getting difficult child 2 admitted & if the hospital refused admission did that make them liable if something happened, etc. </p><p> </p><p>I have and keep updated a parent report like Linda mentioned. I've sent copies to my parents, our family attorney, & all difficult child 2's doctors have copies. There are many reasons why, but for the most part it's to document everything for my own legal protection AND to document difficult child 2's responses to various treatments, to prove what we have/have not done to meet requirements for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) admissions, etc. </p><p> </p><p>Let me tell you, when you sit in front of a judge with 22 police reports, 9 discharge summaries, and can quote verbatum every phone call & office visit with everyone who has knowledge of your difficult child (complete with dates and times) for the last two years, it's kind of hard not to be overwhelmed by the obvious. At least that has been our experience.</p><p> </p><p>Now that I've rambled on and on, just understand two things - document EVERYTHING, and don't be afraid to fight back with all you have and dig your heels in when you know it's the right thing to do for your difficult child. Most of the time, we are our children's only advocate. That's why we're Warrior Moms. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>And in the meantime, know that we're all here for you. Know that we're sending out all the strength of difficult child's board aunties to help carry you through. We all know how hard this life is & how important it is to have supportive, understanding people around who know what you're going through. We're here. We care - even when it feels like the rest of the world doesn't.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hexemaus2, post: 197027, member: 4560"] OH Deni, I can so understand the spot you're in. I don't know if how I've dealt with similar issues here will help you or not, but I can at least tell you. Then you can decide if a similar option would work for your situation. In the last 2 years, there have been 22 calls to our local police department when difficult child 2 raged & I needed help to calm him and/or transport him to the ER. That record has served to help us now that difficult child 2 is so seriously out of control and flat out dangerous when he rages. Earlier this year, I called 911 for help. difficult child 2 had thrown the couch, dining room chairs, and even turned the dining room table over on difficult child 1. I called 911 when he had her pinned to the wall by the throat. (Actually, I called & handed the phone to difficult child 3 while I tried to pull difficult child 2 off of difficult child 1.) I'm sure you all can imagine what my house must have looked like. The couch overturned & in the middle of the living room floor. Dining room chairs scattered all over the dining room, hallway, and living room. The dining room table and everything on it strewn all over creation. Now, we also have 3 large long-haired dogs & hardwood floors. On normal days, I sweep daily (we have to in order to keep the dog hair under control.) However, I only move the furniture and sweep the dog hair under it once a week. Of course, this particular rage happened on a Friday (cleaning day is Saturday) so when difficult child 2 tossed the couch, a ton of dog hair came rolling out. By the time the police arrived, the ceiling fans had tossed the hair everywhere. Now, here I am, as the police walk in, trying to pull difficult child 2 off of difficult child 1 in the hallway. The officers had to step in to help me get him off of her. The whole time, he's screaming he's going to kill us all. So, the officers could see I had my hands full with him. There was immediate threat to everyone's safety. But what are the police worried about? The condition of my house. Um. Duh. Sorry officer, I didn't have a chance to tidy up the mess my raging son made. I was a little busy trying to keep him from strangling my daughter. Remember when you came in? We were in the hallway? He had his hands around her throat, screaming he was going to kill us all? Remember that? It was just 3 minutes ago...and you just had to help pull him off of her. Didn't matter. The officer started reading me the riot act about what DFCS would say if they saw the condition of my house. I couldn't help it, I went off!! I said look buddy, if you're that concerned about the condition of my house, then by all means call DFCS. Maybe they'll be able to get me the ambulance I asked for when I originally called 911. Maybe they can help me get my son transported to the ER for admission to the child psychiatric ward. In the meantime though, I have bigger issues to address than some dog hair on my floor and righting furniture that my son just tossed all over the house. Long story short. They never called for the ambulance. I had to do that myself. And while I'm sitting inside dealing with Officer Moron of The Year, the EMTs arrived. The other officers sat outside talking to the EMTs while I was inside dealing with the idiot officer. By the time I came outside with difficult child 2 to talk to the EMTs, they flat out refused to transport him. The EMTs said they couldn't transport him without an officer & since the officers weren't charging difficult child or placing him under arrest, they refused to escort him. WHAT??? So, I had to transport him myself, with the other difficult children in tow - one of whom he had just tried to strangle. (The officers told me I couldn't leave the other kids home alone, even though they were 16 and 13.) How's that for safety?? Dumb. Just dumb. But the stupidity didn't end there!! No. While I'm trying to load the kids into my Jeep, trying to reassure difficult child 1 that difficult child 2 wouldn't touch her again & we'd go get help ourselves, Officer Moron comes over and shoves his cell phone at me. He has DFCS on the phone. They want to talk to me. I said "you're kidding me, right? I'm trying to get my son to the ER and get him admitted before he kills someone, you people have refused to help, and now you want me to stop what I'm doing to talk to some woman from DFCS??!!?? Are you nuts?" He just shoved the phone at me and muttered some threat about arresting me. I took the phone, said hello, and explained that whatever they wanted, it needed to be quick. I had a son to transport to the ER and was getting NO help from our lovely Department of Public Safety. The lady explained who she was, why she wanted to talk to me, blah, blah, blah. And could she come meet us in the morning. That was it! The last straw for me that night. I went off like a rocket. No, I cannot meet you tomorrow morning. I will be at the ER all night trying to get difficult child 2 admitted. The last 4 times we've done this, it's been an all-night ordeal. I didn't expect to be home before 7am & when I did get home, I would be at our police department lodging a formal complaint with the Chief & making phone calls to our attorney for further action against the ambulance service because the way I see it? Both the police and the EMTs have just endangered my life and the lives of my children by forcing me to transport a raging, dangerous special needs child on my own because they're more worried about the furniture being out of place and dog hair being on my floor. Now, unless you plan on getting your :censored2: out of bed and coming to help me with this child since no one else will, then I suggest you contact my attorneys at (office number, address, and name) to set up a time for us ALL to sit down and have a chat about what has or has not been done this evening. I tossed the phone back at the officer and asked him to kindly move his vehicle out of my driveway so I could get my child to the ER. I was so p'd off it wasn't even funny. I was ready to have everyone's head on a platter & just about dare anyone (including the woman from DFCS) say a darn thing about it to me. I was on the side of the angels on this one, and I knew it. We did get difficult child 2 admitted that night. (And also found out from the folks at the ER that the police and EMTs absolutely CANNOT, under Georgia State law, just refuse to transport difficult child 2. Even if that means they have to put 3 or 4 officers in the ambulance and handcuff difficult child to a gurney - they HAVE to transport him somehow. They cannot simply refuse to help.) I did go the next morning and file complaints on the officers involved as well as the EMTs. I raised nine kinds of holy he// with everyone I could find who would listen. I called DFCS. I called Juvenile Court. I called the Chief of Police. I called the ambulance service. I called our county's Sheriff's office. I called our psychiatrist and pediatrician. I called our attorney. I called everyone I could think of. I was able to get through to the juvenile court judge and get some ideas of what/how to do whatever I needed to do. I refused to deal with DFCS without a lawyer present at all times. I yelled. I screamed. I begged. I pleaded. And for all my effort, got nowhere. But I had names, phone numbers, dates & times, and any other information all written down for who I had talked to, when, why, and for what. I created a bigger, more detailed paper trail than I ever have in my life. It didn't help then, but it has served to help since. Since then, there have been 4 more calls to the local police department to come help me with difficult child 2 & his out of control rages. There have been 3 more hospitalizations since then. The police have called out DFCS two more times since then. More phone calls, more in-office visits to people who don't return phone calls, and everything documented. I have been threatened with abandonment charges when I refused to take difficult child 2 home from the hospital. There have been numerous calls to the juvenile court judge's office. I swear, I don't think I've stopped kicking and screaming since that night with the dog hair issue. All of it documented with times, dates, names, phone numbers, etc. I was beginning to think that the only way we would be safe was if I wound up in jail & the kids all wound up in foster care. No one was listening. No one was helping. But they sure were threatening me with DFCS and jail! But finally, I was able to get to the Captain of our police department. I pulled out my journal with all these dates, times, names, etc. Dispatch was able to pull up all 22 reports from the last two years. I laid out discharge summaries showing 9 trips to the ER and 7 admissions from the last 19 months for difficult child 2. The evidence of what was going on was so overwhelming that there was no way any charge against me would ever stick, except to charge me with failure to protect the other two difficult children from difficult child 2. And I had plenty of evidence that I was doing everything possible to get help to protect us all from difficult child 2, but only hitting brick walls. Finally, someone started to see the same picture I've been seeing for years - the system is broken and difficult child 2 & the rest of our family are falling through the cracks. All I'm getting is threats - but no help. The Captain made some phone calls, sent some pretty bulky faxes (I think he faxed something like 20 or 30-some pages just to the folks at juvenile court!!) He took the approach that "Hey! Someone needs to wake up because this child & his history are a blazing liablity law suit waiting to happen!!" Amazing what progress he was able to help us make in just a few short hours. Suddenly, we had the judge's ear & a court date for 3 days later. Suddenly, we had someone in charge at the police department helping to ensure that the threats against me stopped & that any officer responding to a 911 call from us understood department policy in that regard. Man, I can't tell you how much just having that one person working to help us did. In short, the first thing I can tell you is document, document, document. Write down every phone call, who you talked to, what you talked about, the date, the time you called, the time the call ended, etc. Every stinking detail you can. Call the police every single time he gets violent - whether it's towards you or towards objects. If he so much as threatens to get violent, call the police. Get copies of those reports for your records, if at all possible. (Since they will be juvenile records, the police may be reluctant to give you copies - check local law to see what your rights are in terms of copies.) Keep all discharge summaries when he goes to the ER - even if they don't admit him. Write notes in the margins or in a journal, with doctors & nurses names, the reasons they state they won't admit him, etc. You really, really need a paper trail for everything going on. (And don't forget to include notes on his actual rages, notes on his daily moods/behaviors, etc. as those will also help at the ER.) The second thing I can tell you is that you'll have to get ugly with the ER staff in order to get him admitted. Just because he's not in mid-rage when they see him does NOT mean there isn't a problem. Be clear and direct with these folks & tell them that you fear for your safety AND his. If they say they aren't going to admit him, demand to speak with whoever is in charge of the psychiatric department. Dig your heels in if you have to. More than once I point blank told the ER staff that I would NOT take difficult child 2 home - even if that meant I walked out of the hospital and left him there. (That was the first time the hospital staff threatened to have me charged with abandonment.) Heck, I've even called our family attorney from the ER at 11 at night, with a psychiatrist right in front of me & asked him what my rights were in terms of getting difficult child 2 admitted & if the hospital refused admission did that make them liable if something happened, etc. I have and keep updated a parent report like Linda mentioned. I've sent copies to my parents, our family attorney, & all difficult child 2's doctors have copies. There are many reasons why, but for the most part it's to document everything for my own legal protection AND to document difficult child 2's responses to various treatments, to prove what we have/have not done to meet requirements for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) admissions, etc. Let me tell you, when you sit in front of a judge with 22 police reports, 9 discharge summaries, and can quote verbatum every phone call & office visit with everyone who has knowledge of your difficult child (complete with dates and times) for the last two years, it's kind of hard not to be overwhelmed by the obvious. At least that has been our experience. Now that I've rambled on and on, just understand two things - document EVERYTHING, and don't be afraid to fight back with all you have and dig your heels in when you know it's the right thing to do for your difficult child. Most of the time, we are our children's only advocate. That's why we're Warrior Moms. :) And in the meantime, know that we're all here for you. Know that we're sending out all the strength of difficult child's board aunties to help carry you through. We all know how hard this life is & how important it is to have supportive, understanding people around who know what you're going through. We're here. We care - even when it feels like the rest of the world doesn't. [/QUOTE]
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