"I'm going to kill myself!"

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by HopeRemains, Jun 8, 2012.

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  1. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    difficult child was irritated by easy child tonight- they were having a cousin stay over who is high rev like easy child and I think the littler ones just pushed him over the edge- he doesn't do high rev well. husband went in (they were all watching a movie camped out on the bedroom floor for bedtime) and saw just as difficult child stomped on easy child's stomache- not hard enough to make him cry, but still. husband didn't really do anything except threaten difficult child and segregate him to his bed- but I was upset when I found out what happened. difficult child was throwing a fit because he didn't want to sleep in his bed, so I gave him one more chance to stop screaming and crying or he would be grounded for a week (he was already acting up so badly that anything else was going to count triple against him). Well, he tested it and then was grounded for a week.

    So screaming, blaming and all kids in seperate rooms later, difficult child is in his room still screaming. Going between blaming easy child and screaming at him (easy child is in MY room, but can still hear difficult child) to saying how stupid he is (difficult child) and that he can't go swimming tomorrow so he is going to kill himself. I hear him say that a few times and alert husband to it. husband goes in and talks to him. He gets the usual "You guys only care about easy child and my Mom is the only one who cares about me" junk. He started saying that he should kill himself about a year ago, not very often, but it upsets me everytime. I can't tell if he is just saying it to get our goats or because that's how he feels? Ugh. Next week I am bringing this up with the therapist. I have no idea how to respond to this.

    On the bright side, since I have stopped using "timeouts" and instead just taken minutes off of his outside time we have had a MUCH better time this summer than I ever expected. Tonight was the first real throwdown in about 3 weeks!
     
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    It's so heartbreaking to hear from your child, especially such a young one.

    Did he start saying this before or after he started the Abilify? That could have something to do with it.

    In my experience, the louder someone says they are going to kill themselves, the less likely they are to do it. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't take these statements seriously. It's a very serious expression of how they are feeling. It's more about how they are feeling than trying to manipulate responses from others.
     
  3. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    I remember the first time he ever said it because it was on the list of things I took to the psychiatrist, first time he'd ever seen anyone. It was right before he started the Abilify. I guess I HOPED it was more of a manipulation tactic. =( When he's mad he realizes that something is wrong and it makes him mad that he can't control himself. That's why I think he starts saying things like "I'm stupid, you guys hate me and think I'm stupid!".
     
  4. Very similar situation here. My difficult child starting saying "I wish I were dead" "I am going to throw myself off a cliff" when he was about 5 or 6 yrs old. The situations never seem attention-getting...always after he has had a horrible meltdown and feels unloved, frustrated and misunderstood. psychiatrists just nod and stare at us when I tell them. Also on the behavior assessments that we fill out several times a year (cant recall the name of them, green folded paper) one of the questions is "child says that they want to kill themselves" or something to that effect. I always circle the choice "sometimes." But the psychiatrists don't ever seem too concerned.

    So troubling for such young children. My childhood was a very rough one but I did not start having suicidal thoughts until I was 14 a time when many teens think these things. Sad that our very young ones are so troubled deep down.

    The tiny silver lining is that when he talks of killing himself it leads to some very important discussions between the two of us. I hope that going through this now offers some protection in the future.
     
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Hope- my difficult child used that as a manipulation tool for quite awhile. Until I finally decided enough. I called her on it. I put her into the car and drove her down to the ER. When we got there I told them what she was saying (even though she was completely denying it.) They took her back for an assessment, and we were lucky that the social worker that met with her saw through all of her "stuff" and listened to me. She was in the psychiatric hospital for a week. They were able to adjust her medications, and people could watch her behavior. Looking back at it, it was so worth the stress and tears and $. She also learned a very valuable lesson about manipulation.
     
  6. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    My son also says that sometimes...
    In the beginning I got very upset about it....lately I interpret it in the context that its said.....sometimes I will tell him in a very nondirect casual way that I dont think that is a good solution to this problem and maybe needs to considder some other options.....Luckily so far this didnt cause any further discussions on the topic. I do think we can maybe try and give them more options to use in this situations, like explaining feelings and verbalizing them.....?
     
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    My difficult child began saying this kind of thing a little later, around 15, so initially she really got to us and we jumped through hoops to get her under control, aka,with the help of a t/psychiatrist. Eventually, we stopped reacting to this threat, for that is what it was, in her case. If she had pulled this at age 7/8/9, I think I would be more concerned...not that that is the correct response. I don't know. I suppose it depends on how manipulative your son is and his history. Of course, I would bring it up with his t/psychiatrist...but at home I would assure him that he is loved. Does he ever express that he has a plan? That would be an indicator of seriousness.

    Hugs, I wish I knew the answer.
     
  8. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    My son has also said this a few times (maybe two, three or four), beginning when he was just four... I was amazed that he came out with such a statement, never having heard anyone say this as far as I am aware. My own feeling is that he says it purely for the shock and (unconscious) manipulation value, wanting me to feel bad and frightened because I have stopped him having something he wants or treated him unfairly in his eyes. At the same time, the fact that he is so prone to impulsive gestures means that if he continued to say it (hasn't said it for a long time now), I would be genuinely worried and seek to speak to someone about it.
     
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Ever since Q was in the psychiatric hospital he will actually say "I'm going to commit suicided" Just like K (a girl in psychiatric hospital). He has said before that though that he wished he could die so he could start over without all of his "problems".

    He has never denied saying it to crisis people, but will say I only said it because I was mad.

    If I didn't know of all of his issues I would worry more about the threat, as it is my level of worry is more on the lines of how can I help him to deal with what is triggering those feelings. His self esteem, any current issue, overall anxiety/sadness....etc.

    It is a bummer to hear from a young child.
     
  10. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    Sorry, ladies, that I posted and ran. Thank you all for your replies. He has never said that he has a plan and he only says it when he is in complete meltdown mode. I think that it does have to do with low self esteem, maybe? Ugh. I just don't know. Most of the time he has this really high opinion of himself (I'm sexy and I know it is his theme song, oiy!) and if you give him a compliment he says "I know.". If someone doesn't compliment him, or if someone compliments easy child on doing something well, difficult child gets this look on his face like we personally slighted him and might say something like "Yeah, easy child is great, I'm just stupid." I wish I could figure it out.
     
  11. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi Hope. Of course this seemingly jaunty confidence isn't really at all... it is just insecurity and low self-esteem dressed up - whistling to be brave, if you like. My son is like that.
     
  12. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    Sometimes I think just that- that he is masqerading his low self esteem with over-confindence. Then, other times I see how he behaves and the term "grandiose sense of self" pops into my head. I tend to be an over thinker and since this isn't easy to decipher in the first place I have a much harder time pinpointing things. It doesn't help that his BioMom seems to absolutely have a "grandiose sense of self" and that I do sometimes compare their behaviors- because I am worried that he might have some of the same issues that she displays. Although, I do not know her very well other than the bad behavior she displays to us, so it's hard for me to be fair.

    I want to be able to help him cope with whatever it is. Trial and error, trial and error! Having life-long low self esteem myself, I don't even know how to begin helping with this issue.
     
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