I'm having a really hard time...

[ThreeShadows]

I feel so old and like such a foreigner. We went to see Cirque Du Soleil last Sunday. I miss my young body, I miss being able to dance and jump, I have osteoarthritis and have to watch my every move because of the surgeries and bone spurs. I had 10 years of ballet. That feels like a century ago.
All my childhood memories are so different than yours, my favorite movies and singers are not yours. It's so hard having a foot in two different continents and two different centuries.
Those who knew me and could share the same experiences are dead.

 

[klmno]

This sounds like you are depressed- and I'm only saying that because I can relate to feeling that way even though my worrisome thoughts and feelings are a lot different from yours. I'm sorry you are feeling bad and it sounds like you're lonely, too. If you read about France or look at photos does it help? Is there anyone there that you still know that you could call?

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings about the music- he did have a very nice voice. I just found the lyrics humurous.

I'm pretty impressed about your 10 years of ballet. My mom put me in classes at 6yo. I think I made it about 3 weeks. LOL!

 

[ThreeShadows]

It was a simple poem about a very long lasting love in which two people tear at each other. Long relationships are hard to maintain without some degree of cruelty, which we all regret in the end.
My French relatives have their own lives, they are too busy to understand that I miss the past that we once shared and, to be honest, I think the French hate us.

 

[klmno]

I'm sorry I was so insensitive to it- I deleted the response I put on about it. After I went back and reviewed it, it did come across pretty cold. I apologize.

You know, having internet access, maybe you could reach out to others from France who are feeling like you. I'm probably not helping at all- I just wish there was a way I could.

 

[everywoman]

I understand your longing for movement. I danced for most of my life---I even taught for 16 years, but time and bad knees took it's toil. I so miss doing a grade jete or an axle---or a switch leap---I often find myself standing in first or fifth position and trying to do a petite plie====because of the days of grande plies are done.

 

[flutterby]

I understand your feelings. While our situations are different, I feel the same way. It's very lonely and isolating.

I would love to hear some of your stories and memories of growing up in France, if you would like to share.

(((hugs)))

 

[timer lady]

Ahhhhh, sweetie. I'm sorry for your sorrow; your pain. It's so very difficult with your family situation probably made worse because of your feelings of isolation & the loss of one of your favorite pasttimes ~ dancing.

I recently lost my ability to play piano (heck I struggle to type now) as well as my golfing. I resent & grieve these losses because of how very therapeutic these 2 hobbies were for me. I golfed since I was a child ~ it's a way for my family to gather & have fun. I feel left out. Many times I am left out ~ isolated from the joy my siblings & father have during & after a good game. I spend less & less time in their company because of that.

I expect you are experiencing many of those same feelings of loss. The body changes just are ~ cannot be changed. I find it very hard to accept after a lifetime.

I'm rambling but I hope you feel better & can find something to replace your beloved dancing.

 

[DammitJanet]

Quite a few of us are literally falling apart physically. We do understand that part. Maybe we cant understand the two continent part but I know at least for me, I am fascinated by your story. You can always share here. There is probably a message board for people in your situation too. There seems to be a message board for everything these days...lol.

 

[hearts and roses]

{{{HUGS}}} to you. I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated. I would bet that each of us here has many moments when we feel isolated and out of the loop or like a fifth wheel and it really does cause pain and hurt inside. When I first read your post I instantly thought of Facebook. Have you though of opening an account? It's free and private - you only allow those you want to have access to your profile. I would bet that you could connect with people in or from France and have a lot in common with many other transplants from France, whether in the states or in other countries. It may be worth a try and see. I sometimes do searches for particular groups on there and am amazed at what I find and people I meet. Really.

As to your chronic pain, I can relate. Though not debilitated like some here, I do have chronic back problems which make it difficult for me to do many of the things I used to enjoy. I used to love to go out dancing and well, that's out these. And I love gardening, but I have to wear a special belt thing-y or my back will go out. I just lose track of what I'm doing or how I'm bending and then I'm laid up for a week or two. We all have restrictions in one way or another, but for some it's more than for others.

I, too, would love it if you shared some of your stories of life growing up in France. Perhaps tell us who your favorite movies stars or musicians are and we can look them up to check them out. Learn something new!

Sending hugs~

 

[TerryJ2]

{{hugs}} ThreeShadows. I know the feeling. I still ice skate on occasion, but my ankles wear out in about 10 min., and I hate to leave when I've pd for 2 hrs! And I'm so chicken now ... remember when we were kids and we were hardly afraid of anything?
You know, even with-arthritis, you can still go for walks and do yoga. Keep those joints moving!
I am so sorry you feel isolated. I use the Internet a lot and it helps.

 

[Lothlorien]

I was going to suggest looking for a French online forum as well.

 

[Star*]

Mon très cher Trois Ombres,
Mon coeur peine pour vous. Il y a quelques jours quand je pense que personne me comprend ou. En fait que serait la plupart des jours. Mais je qui suis je suis. J'ai dansé aussi le ballet. Beaucoup d'ans de danse, la douleur, les pieds douloureux, tutus, les costumes, le maquillage et tout pour que ? Ma Mère dira que vous que c'est si je tombe plus gracieusement. N'il est pas certainement parce que je suis plus gracieux. J'ai écaillé même une dent tombant une fois en haut les étapes - mais à mon avantage que j'ai atterri dans quelque chose qu'a eu l'air d'une croix entre un plea` et la sixième position.
Avec espoir ce peu de français aidera montera l'avantage vos esprits. Il y a quelques-uns sur le conseil qui parle français. Je ne suis pas un d'eux. lol. Les bonnes vibrations d'envoi pour un meilleur jour et un lieu dans le soleil pour vous -des ombres. La beaucoup d'Amour

Etoile

an fer those of you wundering just what I wuz a speakin' to Madame three shadows -

My Dearest Three Shadows,
My heart grieves for you. There are some days when I think no one understands me either. Actually that would be most days. But I am who I am. I too danced the ballet. Many years of dancing, pain, sore feet, tutus, costumes, makeup and all for what? My Mother will tell you that it is so I fall more gracefully. It certainly isn't because I am more graceful. I even chipped a tooth once falling up the steps - but to my advantage I landed in something that looked like a cross between a plea` and 6th position.
Hopefully this bit of French will help perk your spirits up. There are a few on the board who speak French. I am not one of them. lol. Sending good vibes for a better day and a place in the sun for you -out of the shadows.
Much Love
Star

 

[ThreeShadows]

Yikes, you all! I've got to lay off the Chardonnay!

I'm sorry I was such a whiner (ugh, pun!) last night. I have not lost a child or a husband to death, we all lose our youth and ease of movement (LOL, Star! my mother used to call me "Grace", sarcastically). I think it would be so much easier if women my age were more respected in the western world, this society folds us and puts us away. We have a lot to offer (all those years...), but no one who will listen!

I spent my entire childhood trying to read the faces of the adults in order to figure out the rules because I didn't know what the rules were until I had broken them. Cyber communication is hard because I can't see your faces. I'm trying to find a place among you. I often fail to offer support because I cannot craft a perfect sentence and don't know what to say, except((HUGS))).

I think I am experiencing some weird type of empty nest syndrome, we are coming to the end of a 6 year long legal battle over my mother's estate, difficult child 1 will be out of the house as soon as he gets his settlement, difficult child 2 is gone (running from the law?) and easy child is, well, a easy child! husband is gorked out on BiPolar (BP) medications and has become monosyllabic (yes, no, maybe). Chaos, strife, and seven family deaths have camped down in my nest for so long that the prospect of no more fighting is leaving a void.

I joined Facebook, found my "kissing" cousin in Paris and haven't heard from him since I reminded him of our, well, kissing!

Thank you all for your support and understanding, we ALL have our humanity in common. I love that we are all linked through our maternal mitochondrial DNA.

KLMNO, no bad feelings, I knew I was sticking my neck out when I posted the video.
Timer Lady, I would sincerely like to apologize for having said that I wanted to dally with Sean Connery until I found out he was obsessed with GOLF....

 

[Steely]

Hugs 3 shadows.........we all can relate to your sorrow in one way or another. Sorrow veils us all, in so many different ways.
I personally, would love to hear about your time in France. Perhaps it would be therapeutic and a release to "tell you story"?
I cannot relate to the dancing or athletic part of you story, because I am an unbelievably clumsy person. However, I can relate to the grief and pain, and the ostracization this affliction causes. Please share and vent whenever you need or want to. We are here.

 

[Wiped Out]

Just wanted to add in my support. I'm glad you found us. I know I can relate to that isolation feeling even though our experiences are different. Gentle hugs.

 

[klmno]

Hey, sometimes hugs are the only thing needed and the best thing to offer..... so to you, my friend...

Many (((HUGS))) being sent.

I am VERY sorry that I hurt your feelings and I should have been more thoughtful before trying to be humurous.

 

[KTMom91]

On a minor scale, I understand about the never fitting in part. We moved so often while I was growing up that I don't identify with anyplace. The simple question, "Where are you from?" is one I have trouble answering.

I would also love to hear about your early life. Sending many hugs.

 

[timer lady]

3Shadows, no apology necessary. And you mustn't apologize for sharing your feelings. We all have our own story ~ our own lives. And life must go on, right?

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

ThreeShadows,

I was always very physically active until a year ago, right around this time. I used to love to run, especially outside in nice weather... Physical activity was my main coping mechanism. I won't go into details, but now I'm limited as to what I can do physically. I also have arthritis.

So, while I can't relate to everything you're going through, I know how difficult it is when we begin to age and our bodies change, health problems arise... I used to take my health for granted. Now I'm trying to be thankful for what I can do on a daily basis. This is hard!!!

I don't have any advice. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you... WFEN