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I'm meeting with my estranged son and his wife for the first time in years! Nervous
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 444116" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I'm so thrilled that you are getting this opportunity and you've gotten great advice from all the responses. I think the only thing I read that I'd slightly offer was part of Star's response (no worries, I think she's bang on actually, I'd just reword one part if you use this approach). I wouldn't say the words at all that he's hurt you, I would if appropriate to the dialogue which I imagine it will be, say that it has hurt me greatly to have this divide between us and I've missed these past years being able to share in your life and that of X (the wife) and Y (your grandson). </p><p></p><p>One of the hardest things I find, and I'm not sure if it is applicable to your situation or not, is if someone is hurting for something I really don't believe happened in the way they perceived it. However, given the chance you have to hopefully build this bridge as a start to reconnecting in their lives, even if he does express why he's been hurt/angry to a point of no contact, I would not express that you don't perceive it the way he does. I would say something very affirming without taking blame for something you don't agree with, but that comes across in a way he needs to hear it. Something like "I am sincerely sorry you have been hurting/angry (whatever term he uses) about that all of this time. I am hopeful we can move forward and with good communication to ensure that you never again feel that way so that we can find a healthy relationship that feels good for all of us. </p><p></p><p>Best of luck to you and I think since he is this involved with his church, I would definitely follow the lead that he and mediator set, even if it isn't how you might prefer to follow their way of going about this. When someone involves their church so fully into their life, it is obviously important to him and his wife to be guided through his faith and their ways of handling things. It can only help him come to terms with his issues and move forward from them to have his mom there and allowing him to guide the process how it is comfortable and safe for him.</p><p></p><p>I'm very excited for you. (((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 444116, member: 4264"] I'm so thrilled that you are getting this opportunity and you've gotten great advice from all the responses. I think the only thing I read that I'd slightly offer was part of Star's response (no worries, I think she's bang on actually, I'd just reword one part if you use this approach). I wouldn't say the words at all that he's hurt you, I would if appropriate to the dialogue which I imagine it will be, say that it has hurt me greatly to have this divide between us and I've missed these past years being able to share in your life and that of X (the wife) and Y (your grandson). One of the hardest things I find, and I'm not sure if it is applicable to your situation or not, is if someone is hurting for something I really don't believe happened in the way they perceived it. However, given the chance you have to hopefully build this bridge as a start to reconnecting in their lives, even if he does express why he's been hurt/angry to a point of no contact, I would not express that you don't perceive it the way he does. I would say something very affirming without taking blame for something you don't agree with, but that comes across in a way he needs to hear it. Something like "I am sincerely sorry you have been hurting/angry (whatever term he uses) about that all of this time. I am hopeful we can move forward and with good communication to ensure that you never again feel that way so that we can find a healthy relationship that feels good for all of us. Best of luck to you and I think since he is this involved with his church, I would definitely follow the lead that he and mediator set, even if it isn't how you might prefer to follow their way of going about this. When someone involves their church so fully into their life, it is obviously important to him and his wife to be guided through his faith and their ways of handling things. It can only help him come to terms with his issues and move forward from them to have his mom there and allowing him to guide the process how it is comfortable and safe for him. I'm very excited for you. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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I'm meeting with my estranged son and his wife for the first time in years! Nervous
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