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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 426227" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>Hello PennyS, and welcome. Given your description of how the children have come and the stress you have been under, it sounds like his behavior might also be attention getting. Kids, and this doubles if he does have ADHD or a spectrum disorder,will get their needs met any way they can. At eight he has no idea what is happening. It sounds like the rift between you started when he was pretty young. My kids are spread out so far, I have not had to deal with this, however my mother did. I was the oldest and my sister came 12 months after me! My sister and I have always had rather alouf relationship. My mom tells me I was jealous and continually nasty to her when I was young. What I remember most from my youth is not getting any time with my mom because there were 2 others that came along later. I was expected to behave more grown up than my age. Siblings fight-but you do have to protect the younger ones as he is much older.</p><p> </p><p>At school (managing 31 kids gives me some clout!) when I have a children who are acting out constantly (usually they have ADHD or some diagnosis), my first line of defence is an offensive-I always call them to me in the AM and ask about their night and give them a heads up about the day.( Build a relationship by interacting around as 2 people would) I often use these kids as my assitants because it gives them a sense that they are needed and valued. I am diligent about not getting in a negative feedback loop with them because, when that happens it becomes a power struggle. He may be holding it together at school because most of us teachers run our classes pretty predictable and structured. This is soothing to kids. If he is on the spectrum-this is double important! It prevents a lot of things when they know how the day will go and what is expected.</p><p> </p><p>I think you should see a psychiatrist at the least and maybe you will end up with a referral to the neuropsychologist. Peace of mind and proactive.</p><p> </p><p>One last idea-have your husband look after the 2 little ones for a 1/2 hour every day and spend it with your older boy. It may be hard at first as he is use to a volitile relation with you. Let him know you want things to be different. Do something you both will enjoy-a game,read to him, throw a ball whatever. </p><p> </p><p>If you feel as if something is wrong with your own mental health (could this be stress and pregnancy???)-go talk to a counselor. They will let you know if you need an evaluation. We have all been "nuts" raising our difficult children at some point. But dont ignore this as it will make things worse. If BiPolar (BP) disorder runs in the family you should look into it-by the way any chance your boy could have early onset of this??</p><p> </p><p>Hugs to you. Keep coming here and reading-your tool bag will fill up and you will feel more in control.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 426227, member: 11001"] Hello PennyS, and welcome. Given your description of how the children have come and the stress you have been under, it sounds like his behavior might also be attention getting. Kids, and this doubles if he does have ADHD or a spectrum disorder,will get their needs met any way they can. At eight he has no idea what is happening. It sounds like the rift between you started when he was pretty young. My kids are spread out so far, I have not had to deal with this, however my mother did. I was the oldest and my sister came 12 months after me! My sister and I have always had rather alouf relationship. My mom tells me I was jealous and continually nasty to her when I was young. What I remember most from my youth is not getting any time with my mom because there were 2 others that came along later. I was expected to behave more grown up than my age. Siblings fight-but you do have to protect the younger ones as he is much older. At school (managing 31 kids gives me some clout!) when I have a children who are acting out constantly (usually they have ADHD or some diagnosis), my first line of defence is an offensive-I always call them to me in the AM and ask about their night and give them a heads up about the day.( Build a relationship by interacting around as 2 people would) I often use these kids as my assitants because it gives them a sense that they are needed and valued. I am diligent about not getting in a negative feedback loop with them because, when that happens it becomes a power struggle. He may be holding it together at school because most of us teachers run our classes pretty predictable and structured. This is soothing to kids. If he is on the spectrum-this is double important! It prevents a lot of things when they know how the day will go and what is expected. I think you should see a psychiatrist at the least and maybe you will end up with a referral to the neuropsychologist. Peace of mind and proactive. One last idea-have your husband look after the 2 little ones for a 1/2 hour every day and spend it with your older boy. It may be hard at first as he is use to a volitile relation with you. Let him know you want things to be different. Do something you both will enjoy-a game,read to him, throw a ball whatever. If you feel as if something is wrong with your own mental health (could this be stress and pregnancy???)-go talk to a counselor. They will let you know if you need an evaluation. We have all been "nuts" raising our difficult children at some point. But dont ignore this as it will make things worse. If BiPolar (BP) disorder runs in the family you should look into it-by the way any chance your boy could have early onset of this?? Hugs to you. Keep coming here and reading-your tool bag will fill up and you will feel more in control. [/QUOTE]
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