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<blockquote data-quote="PennyS" data-source="post: 426612" data-attributes="member: 11900"><p>Hi everyone,</p><p> </p><p>I really am overwhelmed by the amount of support and interest I have received here. I realised after posting that this appears to be a US (??) site? I am in the UK, which explains the time difference. I used to work as a moderator on a PND website once I recovered myself from the illness, and never found so much positivity and support as I have here already. I hope people will not mind that I am from the UK. </p><p> </p><p>It has already made me feel like I am not living through these hard times as a parent on my own... none of my other friends or family realy understand what it is like, and also don't support me in thinking we need a diagnosis (me and my son), neither does my GP... I think because I am very academic and he is also very bright... we both get overlooked as we are both very articulate. So it is really refreshing to be listened to, understood and supported by you lovely people. Thank you. And I absolutely love that you call these 'problem' children Gifts from God, it is a really positive way of thinking about them, and one I will most certainly adopt as from now.</p><p> </p><p>I have finally got an appointment to see a family therapist, in two weeks time in the child and adult mental health clinic, and am also waiting on an apointment with the perinatal psychiatrist (due to my past history of PND and family history of bi-polar). So I hope through one of these routes the balls will start rolling, but I am apprehensive that they will also not take me seriously as I probably come over as coping fine and bright, and out of our home environment so does my son. But I am all set to fight for more support and a diagnosis, seeing as I have fought for 4 long hard years (and more really) to get this far...an appointment with a family therapist!!! I just hope she will refer me for counselling and my difficult child <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/likeit.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":likeit:" title="likeit :likeit:" data-shortname=":likeit:" /> for psychiatric assessment. Although I have always wondered about ADHD and possibly aspergers (as definately talented and no language delay... he was talking at 12 months in sentences). Perhaps he is just reacting to me and my hostility and mood swings?! He is like a barometer of my mood for sure. It is hard to know if I respond to him and his behaviour or if it is the other way round sometimes. However all this aside... what I do know is that we cannot continue like this, there is a very negative cycle going on beteween us, which is damaging for us both and our relationship. Plus the added effect on my other children and my relationships with my husband and family.</p><p> </p><p>As many of you suggested, I definately need to build in one-to-one time with my difficult child (is that how you refer to them?), I need to maintain structure in our day as he does not like not knowing what the plan is for the day/ week, although this is easier said than done. I have always resorted to sticker reward charts, but am very much at fault for being inconsistent with this... once his behaviour improves I find I give up (not porposefully... it just happens) on them, which is wrong of me. I do struggle with consistency myself.. in routine, but this tends to relate to my mood. I never know how I will wake up feeling myself (well usually stressed and depressed most days) and sometimes feel in such a blur I struggle to get up and dressed let alone get all the chores done. I think I am probably also guilty of having an underlying resentment about having to treat difficult child differently mfrom the others and my friends children! The other children just seem to fit in, go with the flow and be easy going. But it feels like constant, relentless hard work with difficult child, no matter how much you give him, it is never enough... for example on holidays, you devote your time to the children and doing things with/ for them, but while you ar doing one thiong (eg swimming) he is constantly asking hat next, can we do this and that etc... even when he has structure (we sometimes write down the plan for the week). You can play football with him for an hour, then stop for a drink and a rest for 1/2 hour... and he is constantly badgering you to do this/ that... more more more! Where the other children will just chill! Even when you warn difficult child... I am going to sit down for 1/2 hour and rest as I need a drink and a break, you need to go and amuse yourself for a while (DVD/ give him a task) he will be back pestering in 5 minutes! I agree it is all about attention, but no matter how much he has it never seems enough.</p><p> </p><p>The other problem we have is that if we sit down to play a family game for example, or I try to do some baking with all of the children, it is for definate that difficult child will cause trouble... he will find something one of his brothers have done that he feels is not fair and blow up about it. He has so much jealousy.. and I can see why because they generally don't get told off as I don't need to tell them off.. they are pretty easy going and keep out of trouble, you can see them staying oaway from difficult child, and trying their best not to make him errupt, but it never matters what they do.. he will find something to react to and be awful to them.</p><p> </p><p>Sorry if this post is a all garbled and not flowing.. I am just getting down what goes through my head as it pops up, so I can try to paint a clearer picture of my troubles! I appreciate the help and support here so much, and hope I wil also be able to offer others some support in the future. Especially if anyone suffers with PND on here? I am trained to support families sufering with PND.</p><p> </p><p>A little about me, which may explain some more about why I have struggled to get one-to-one in with difficult child, I am just at the end of a second degree... this one is in psychology! I was hoping it would help me to understand my own and difficult child's problems! But it hasn't really! It has been full time since Feb last year, and I have a final exam next Monday... hence my increased stress levels presently! I then need to bring in an income, as we are a bit of a sinking ship financially at the moment (more stress), and would love to do some type of parenting support (or support for parents with mental health problems) work in the future (once baby no. 4) is a little older as I think I would have empathy with struggling parents due to my own experiences!</p><p> </p><p>Thank you all again for listening, I think this site will be a real anchor point for me, and am SO pleased I have found it.</p><p> </p><p>Penny</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PennyS, post: 426612, member: 11900"] Hi everyone, I really am overwhelmed by the amount of support and interest I have received here. I realised after posting that this appears to be a US (??) site? I am in the UK, which explains the time difference. I used to work as a moderator on a PND website once I recovered myself from the illness, and never found so much positivity and support as I have here already. I hope people will not mind that I am from the UK. It has already made me feel like I am not living through these hard times as a parent on my own... none of my other friends or family realy understand what it is like, and also don't support me in thinking we need a diagnosis (me and my son), neither does my GP... I think because I am very academic and he is also very bright... we both get overlooked as we are both very articulate. So it is really refreshing to be listened to, understood and supported by you lovely people. Thank you. And I absolutely love that you call these 'problem' children Gifts from God, it is a really positive way of thinking about them, and one I will most certainly adopt as from now. I have finally got an appointment to see a family therapist, in two weeks time in the child and adult mental health clinic, and am also waiting on an apointment with the perinatal psychiatrist (due to my past history of PND and family history of bi-polar). So I hope through one of these routes the balls will start rolling, but I am apprehensive that they will also not take me seriously as I probably come over as coping fine and bright, and out of our home environment so does my son. But I am all set to fight for more support and a diagnosis, seeing as I have fought for 4 long hard years (and more really) to get this far...an appointment with a family therapist!!! I just hope she will refer me for counselling and my difficult child :likeit: for psychiatric assessment. Although I have always wondered about ADHD and possibly aspergers (as definately talented and no language delay... he was talking at 12 months in sentences). Perhaps he is just reacting to me and my hostility and mood swings?! He is like a barometer of my mood for sure. It is hard to know if I respond to him and his behaviour or if it is the other way round sometimes. However all this aside... what I do know is that we cannot continue like this, there is a very negative cycle going on beteween us, which is damaging for us both and our relationship. Plus the added effect on my other children and my relationships with my husband and family. As many of you suggested, I definately need to build in one-to-one time with my difficult child (is that how you refer to them?), I need to maintain structure in our day as he does not like not knowing what the plan is for the day/ week, although this is easier said than done. I have always resorted to sticker reward charts, but am very much at fault for being inconsistent with this... once his behaviour improves I find I give up (not porposefully... it just happens) on them, which is wrong of me. I do struggle with consistency myself.. in routine, but this tends to relate to my mood. I never know how I will wake up feeling myself (well usually stressed and depressed most days) and sometimes feel in such a blur I struggle to get up and dressed let alone get all the chores done. I think I am probably also guilty of having an underlying resentment about having to treat difficult child differently mfrom the others and my friends children! The other children just seem to fit in, go with the flow and be easy going. But it feels like constant, relentless hard work with difficult child, no matter how much you give him, it is never enough... for example on holidays, you devote your time to the children and doing things with/ for them, but while you ar doing one thiong (eg swimming) he is constantly asking hat next, can we do this and that etc... even when he has structure (we sometimes write down the plan for the week). You can play football with him for an hour, then stop for a drink and a rest for 1/2 hour... and he is constantly badgering you to do this/ that... more more more! Where the other children will just chill! Even when you warn difficult child... I am going to sit down for 1/2 hour and rest as I need a drink and a break, you need to go and amuse yourself for a while (DVD/ give him a task) he will be back pestering in 5 minutes! I agree it is all about attention, but no matter how much he has it never seems enough. The other problem we have is that if we sit down to play a family game for example, or I try to do some baking with all of the children, it is for definate that difficult child will cause trouble... he will find something one of his brothers have done that he feels is not fair and blow up about it. He has so much jealousy.. and I can see why because they generally don't get told off as I don't need to tell them off.. they are pretty easy going and keep out of trouble, you can see them staying oaway from difficult child, and trying their best not to make him errupt, but it never matters what they do.. he will find something to react to and be awful to them. Sorry if this post is a all garbled and not flowing.. I am just getting down what goes through my head as it pops up, so I can try to paint a clearer picture of my troubles! I appreciate the help and support here so much, and hope I wil also be able to offer others some support in the future. Especially if anyone suffers with PND on here? I am trained to support families sufering with PND. A little about me, which may explain some more about why I have struggled to get one-to-one in with difficult child, I am just at the end of a second degree... this one is in psychology! I was hoping it would help me to understand my own and difficult child's problems! But it hasn't really! It has been full time since Feb last year, and I have a final exam next Monday... hence my increased stress levels presently! I then need to bring in an income, as we are a bit of a sinking ship financially at the moment (more stress), and would love to do some type of parenting support (or support for parents with mental health problems) work in the future (once baby no. 4) is a little older as I think I would have empathy with struggling parents due to my own experiences! Thank you all again for listening, I think this site will be a real anchor point for me, and am SO pleased I have found it. Penny [/QUOTE]
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