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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 213386" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi and wlcome to our forum! It is a great place for support, info, support, ideas and then general knowledge that you are not alone.</p><p> </p><p>I want to address a few things that stick in my mind. I may come back and address more in another post.</p><p> </p><p>First - is Dad WILLING to do the work that this family relationship will need if his son is to be helped? Not just support you, but take the lead in discipline? In step-families is really really really IS helpful if the bio parent does most of, if not all of the discipline.I KNOW that our kids being our kids, you will end up doing some of it. Can't be helped. But if your relationship with Dad is to succeed, Dad has to step up to the plate. </p><p> </p><p>I hope and pray Dad can see how miserable his son is, and how much he desperately NEEDS and is SCREAMING for help - much of his behaviors are a cry for help in the ONLY way he knows how. He sounds like he hasn't had limits. ALL kids need them.</p><p> </p><p>If Mom drank while preg, it may have been hidden from Dad. Or he may have been working so many hours that he didn't see it. PLEASE look into Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, or Fetal Alcohol Effect. It takes only ONE time to cause damage to the baby's brain. ONE. Time. with just a couple of drinks. Or that is my understanding (my exSIL was not sober very long when she conceived my niece).</p><p> </p><p>Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) can cause lifelong learning disorders to the point that the child actually CANNOT learn, or has such blocks to learning as to have that overall effect.</p><p> </p><p>Johnny truly, honestly, deeply needs a champion. someone to make sure he gets the evaluations that will show what is going on, and what isn't, and will see him through the medication trials and adjustments and problems and school issues, and social issues, etc....</p><p> </p><p>Given his current situation, the school should be asked to evaluate for an IEP, or for an IEP update if he has one. The school should be working with him on these social issues. Literally teaching him how to make friends, join groups, etc in addition to the ohter things. They should also be teaching him and the other kids not to bully. I don't know how much schools in your area are doing that, but it makes a HUGE difference in our town from one school to the next - you can literally SEE what counsellors are touching on it generally and what ones use a real curriculum with all the kids. </p><p> </p><p>If you go to the Special Education 101 part of this forum and ask about how to request an IEP or evaluation through the school, someone over there will direct you to a form and tell you how best to send it in and why to send it that way. The ladies over there are amazing, truly and honestly amazing. They will help with school.</p><p> </p><p>Now, if there is a Children's Hospital in the area, or with-in a couple hours drive, try to get Johnny scheduled for a complete developmental workup. There are so many gaps that I honestly think this is necessary. They should include a psychiatric and neuropsychological and neurological workup in that, but you may need to ask for all of those things. You may have to push. HARD. And it will be several months before anyone can fit him in. Get on the schedule as soon as you can. </p><p> </p><p>If there isn't a Children's hospital, try a major teaching university. You may have to get a separate neurologist and psychiatrist - make SURE they are child and adolescent certified. It is VERY important.</p><p> </p><p>The overall KEY thing to remember - NONE of these professionals knows Johnny any better than you do. Certainly not better than his dad. It will take time for you to fully develop instincts about what is and isn't right with/for him, but if you do join into his family fully, you probably will develop this. The docs may be experts in whatever field, but parents are experts in "Johnny". The absolute BIGGEST mistakes I made were EVERY time I didn't follow my instincts regarding my kids. </p><p> </p><p>Sending hugs and support!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 213386, member: 1233"] Hi and wlcome to our forum! It is a great place for support, info, support, ideas and then general knowledge that you are not alone. I want to address a few things that stick in my mind. I may come back and address more in another post. First - is Dad WILLING to do the work that this family relationship will need if his son is to be helped? Not just support you, but take the lead in discipline? In step-families is really really really IS helpful if the bio parent does most of, if not all of the discipline.I KNOW that our kids being our kids, you will end up doing some of it. Can't be helped. But if your relationship with Dad is to succeed, Dad has to step up to the plate. I hope and pray Dad can see how miserable his son is, and how much he desperately NEEDS and is SCREAMING for help - much of his behaviors are a cry for help in the ONLY way he knows how. He sounds like he hasn't had limits. ALL kids need them. If Mom drank while preg, it may have been hidden from Dad. Or he may have been working so many hours that he didn't see it. PLEASE look into Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, or Fetal Alcohol Effect. It takes only ONE time to cause damage to the baby's brain. ONE. Time. with just a couple of drinks. Or that is my understanding (my exSIL was not sober very long when she conceived my niece). Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) can cause lifelong learning disorders to the point that the child actually CANNOT learn, or has such blocks to learning as to have that overall effect. Johnny truly, honestly, deeply needs a champion. someone to make sure he gets the evaluations that will show what is going on, and what isn't, and will see him through the medication trials and adjustments and problems and school issues, and social issues, etc.... Given his current situation, the school should be asked to evaluate for an IEP, or for an IEP update if he has one. The school should be working with him on these social issues. Literally teaching him how to make friends, join groups, etc in addition to the ohter things. They should also be teaching him and the other kids not to bully. I don't know how much schools in your area are doing that, but it makes a HUGE difference in our town from one school to the next - you can literally SEE what counsellors are touching on it generally and what ones use a real curriculum with all the kids. If you go to the Special Education 101 part of this forum and ask about how to request an IEP or evaluation through the school, someone over there will direct you to a form and tell you how best to send it in and why to send it that way. The ladies over there are amazing, truly and honestly amazing. They will help with school. Now, if there is a Children's Hospital in the area, or with-in a couple hours drive, try to get Johnny scheduled for a complete developmental workup. There are so many gaps that I honestly think this is necessary. They should include a psychiatric and neuropsychological and neurological workup in that, but you may need to ask for all of those things. You may have to push. HARD. And it will be several months before anyone can fit him in. Get on the schedule as soon as you can. If there isn't a Children's hospital, try a major teaching university. You may have to get a separate neurologist and psychiatrist - make SURE they are child and adolescent certified. It is VERY important. The overall KEY thing to remember - NONE of these professionals knows Johnny any better than you do. Certainly not better than his dad. It will take time for you to fully develop instincts about what is and isn't right with/for him, but if you do join into his family fully, you probably will develop this. The docs may be experts in whatever field, but parents are experts in "Johnny". The absolute BIGGEST mistakes I made were EVERY time I didn't follow my instincts regarding my kids. Sending hugs and support! [/QUOTE]
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