I'm new here...

[threeturkeez]

I joined this site because I need a place to put my emtions. Mostly ANGER, FRUSTRATION and WEARINESS. There's so much I could type right now but I'm just so overwhelmed at where to start that I just want to hit delete and go on to bed. I hate that he makes me feel this way. He's almost 12 years old and his issues essentially control our household, control what we can do and when and how and I'm really sick of it. Most days I'm to the point where I pray we win the lotto so we can just pay for residential out of pocket. Our insurance won't pay because there isn't enough documentation that he needs it, e.g. ER visits, etc, but the psychiatrist and his last therapist have both put in writing that it's the best place for him. I hate that they get to decide what's best for our family. They get to say that it's not worth the money for my other 2 children to not have to deal with this person 24 hours a day, all summer long, or be afraid of him or what he'll do or tell mommy regularly that they wish we could do something fun today but they know it's because "D" is misbehaving. My 5yo came up to me today and said, "I know a way to make D not do those bad things no more momma. We can just tell him that he's not supposed to do those things and then he can not do them and just be good." Poor little dude, he didn't understand that Mommy and Daddy already tell him those things but he doesn't care, he breaks every rule we have, pretty much every day, and that there's nothing Mommy or Daddy can do to fix it. I shouldn't have to explain these things to a 5yo child. I shouldn't have to hide my tears from him and his sister after an "episode" with D. And although I struggle with depression in general, D's antics are SEVERELY affecting me, which in turn affects my husband and the other 2 kids. It's not fair to any of them. Why do we use that term difficult child anyway - he certainly doesn't feel like a gift most days. I dunno where I'm going with this post. Nice intro huh?

Thanks for letting me vent and ramble....

 

[TeDo]

Vent all you want. You are in the right place. Welcome to our "family". Your story is all too familiar. Can you give us a better idea of what types of behavior your difficult child displays and the circumstances around them? Do you have any idea what leads up to the behavior? How do you typically deal with his behavior? Sorry so many questions but it gives us a better idea of what you're dealing with.

I would recommend you read the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It is highly recommended here and after reading it and starting to follow his recommendations, I have seen improvements in my difficult child. It might be worth a try.


I'm so glad you found us but so very sorry you had to. Many others will be along to listen and try to help. Week-ends tend to be a little slower so you might have to be patient.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there and welcome.

I was trying to think of something to say before I answered.

Has your son ever been evaluated? Obviously he has some psychiatric or neurological issues (or both) and is having a very hard time functioning. In turn, this is making the entire family suffer.

Unfortunately, without more information, I don't think most of us know what to say other than "I'm sorry." Can you give us some background? Also, he is on A LOT of medication. Do you feel this is helping him? I'm far from anti-medications (I take medications), but sometimes I think doctors try to medicate away every symptom which can make things even worse. How about family dynamics? Does he live with both biological parents?

How was his early development and behavior, starting in infancy?

 

[Wiped Out]

Welcome! Glad you found us but sorry you needed to. I know that frustration of the effect a difficult child can have on siblings. Sigh...

You will find much support here! (((Hugs)))

 

[ready2run]

i know what you mean. i am so sick of difficult child ruining things for his siblings. i try not to let him ruin everything but then i feel bad for not involving him in things. unfortunately it's the only way. maybe you could get your husband or someone to deal with him for a few hours while you have some family time with the others. that is the only way i can do it, and usually it's just to the back yard to play in the hose or something. or maybe watch difficult child while someone else takes the other kids out for some fun. it's not fair to let our difficult child's ruin everything for our easy child's although i surely understand how it happens, as it happens here all too often. you need to look into some state funded respite care. even a few hours a week will make a difference to the other kids. there are days when i feel like i hate difficult child because of his effect on the other kids. for now, there's not much i can do about it other than seperate them as much as possible.

 

[Star*]

Well with a name like Three Turkeys......I'm almost afraid to ask what kind of behaviors you have at your home?

Fall challenged holidays? Or Just day challenged days all together? I see also you are living in the land of lying, stealing and disobedience!! Ah (makes strange gangland hand sign) Do you recognize my symbol sister? I usually make a W and an M and throw up my left hand W and my right hand M (Wal Mart) BAYYYYYY BAY) THey all know me when I throw up my signs......Yup - Looking for the least convenient parking space.......I don't want by the door, no maam.....gimme something on the BAC 40 sugar! Mm I love to walk all the way into store with two boys kicking and screaming in 100 degree heat for starters just to wear 'em out. Then Before we get there? I do the Mom team huddle. "Okay here's the plan.....I'm going to shop for 30 minutes, (sets timer) IN THAT 30 minutes I expect you to behave I'm not AXING - I'm not BEGGING, I'm not bargaining.......YOU WILL BEHAVE......(said like a black baptist preacher thundering out a SUnday sermon) and in those thirty minutes you will be quiet like church mice. YOu may look, but not touch, if you TOUCH.......I will perform a CHUCK NORRIS move you have never seen -I am SO fast like JETT LEE - they will have to slow down the cameras...to catch me ABUSING YOU......on film. (at this point it's laughing but stifled) and...we will walk I will shop and at the end of 30 minutes -----SHOULD YOU complete your misson JAMES BOND ----OTHER JAMES BOND...YOU WILL BE REWARDED with 15 minutes in the toy section and EACH OF YOU WILL RECEIVE a CRISP $DOLLAR BILL......maybe more....maybe less......DEPENDS ON HOW WELL YOU DO.......it's up to you. DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR MISSION???? (nod,,,,,,,,nod) and OFF WE GO.....

SO there we go - under that bloody air blower that sprays ALL children with (swear to you) cotton candy and bad behavior.....get two feet in the door and what happens? They push, fuss, push.....vie for the cart....and off we go to the exit.......and have the COME TO JESUS MEETING ALL OVER AGAIN......this time - NOT in the shade. And like you? At this point I'm ready to hit delete......and I don't care if they have cameras rolling...and I don't care if I go to jail......I'm thinking three meals a day - craft class and someone to talk to once or twice a week, NO WORK????? WHAT A VACATION!!!!!!! SEND ME NOW.....OH SEND ME NOW!!!!

But somehow - TUrkey mom.....we struggle through. And Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is NOT a cureall - IF it were - OVER 15 times of MY Son being there in them and hospitals and taking medications, and us being in therapy 15 years would have done it.....but therapy and effective communication are WAY better than Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - RESPITE????????? OH YES ------respite and a break for EVERYONE in the house - absolutely. If Residential Treatment Center (RTC) gives you a three month respite to get yourself back in order then by all means - DO IT. Check into Katie Beckett waivers......for the insurred. AND check into your local parent advocating agencies FOR INSURANCE billable weekend RESPITE with PAID FOSTER PARENTS that take kids LIKE OURS to give you and your family a break. Groups like YAPS. and Federation of Families......and Mental HEalth and retardation advocacies - should be able to point you to people who know of such things that ARE billable to insurance. Therapeutic Foster Parents FOR weekend RESPITE ----exists....and it's LOVELY.

FYI - GObble GObble.......and he'll get a break from YOU all too. Never thought about it like that huh? YEah we didn't either. But it's nice to have "grandparents" that acutally WANT to see you and spoil you and dote over you. Know what I mean??

Hugs - Star

 

[DDD]

Just want to add my welcome. You have, indeed, found a place where you can share your true feelings and find others who are ready to support you. I wish I had answers for you but all I can do is sending caring supportive hugs your way. DDD