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I'm new...I recently had to put my son out..trying to cope.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 611021" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome GMS02. I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time with your son. Your story is not unlike many of our adult children's behaviors and the choices we have to make around that. We do understand the heartache and how challenging it is. I'm glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It's helpful. You may also, at the point it feels right, put in a bio at the bottom of your posts, as you see we have done, so it can allow us to remember you and key in to you and your son's issues. You can do that at the top right of this page under settings, then scroll down and look left for the profile, bio, etc.</p><p></p><p>One thing that is very helpful for us is to get support for our journey though this. It can be easy to forget that our kids can do damage to us and our family and it becomes necessary for us to take very good care of ourselves. Often, for many, that involves therapy, 12 step groups, parent support groups and if your son has some mental or emotional issues, there is an organization called NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which can provide you with much support and resources. They can be accessed online and have chapters everywhere. You will be much better able to cope and feel good about your choices and learn the tools of detachment if you have a good support system for yourself.</p><p></p><p>Once our kids are grown, our control in their lives diminishes. Detachment is a process which takes time and commitment. You seem to have made some healthy choices and yet I know how hard it is to maintain those choices and cope with our fears for our kids. That's where support for YOU comes in. </p><p></p><p>I think to answer your question, it can get better and easier to cope as time goes by and we get the support necessary and begin the journey of detachment and the acceptance of exactly what it is that we really can't control. Often the powerlessness to effect chance in our children's lives and the fears that brings up, as well as the guilt and sorrow we feel, can be very difficult to navigate through. But time and time again, what I've seen is the remarkable resourcefulness of our kids abilities to survive and get through life on their own unusual terms. </p><p></p><p>All of this takes time. Detachment is not easy, but in many cases, it's necessary. There are shelters in most towns, your son could try to get in, but some of our kids can't follow the rules in the shelters either. </p><p></p><p>You must take care of yourself, sleep, eat, rest and find ways to nurture and support yourself while you go through this with your son. Your health and well being are equally as important as your son's. Continue posting, it helps. I'm sorry you find yourself here but I'm glad you found us. I wish you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 611021, member: 13542"] Welcome GMS02. I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time with your son. Your story is not unlike many of our adult children's behaviors and the choices we have to make around that. We do understand the heartache and how challenging it is. I'm glad you found us. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It's helpful. You may also, at the point it feels right, put in a bio at the bottom of your posts, as you see we have done, so it can allow us to remember you and key in to you and your son's issues. You can do that at the top right of this page under settings, then scroll down and look left for the profile, bio, etc. One thing that is very helpful for us is to get support for our journey though this. It can be easy to forget that our kids can do damage to us and our family and it becomes necessary for us to take very good care of ourselves. Often, for many, that involves therapy, 12 step groups, parent support groups and if your son has some mental or emotional issues, there is an organization called NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which can provide you with much support and resources. They can be accessed online and have chapters everywhere. You will be much better able to cope and feel good about your choices and learn the tools of detachment if you have a good support system for yourself. Once our kids are grown, our control in their lives diminishes. Detachment is a process which takes time and commitment. You seem to have made some healthy choices and yet I know how hard it is to maintain those choices and cope with our fears for our kids. That's where support for YOU comes in. I think to answer your question, it can get better and easier to cope as time goes by and we get the support necessary and begin the journey of detachment and the acceptance of exactly what it is that we really can't control. Often the powerlessness to effect chance in our children's lives and the fears that brings up, as well as the guilt and sorrow we feel, can be very difficult to navigate through. But time and time again, what I've seen is the remarkable resourcefulness of our kids abilities to survive and get through life on their own unusual terms. All of this takes time. Detachment is not easy, but in many cases, it's necessary. There are shelters in most towns, your son could try to get in, but some of our kids can't follow the rules in the shelters either. You must take care of yourself, sleep, eat, rest and find ways to nurture and support yourself while you go through this with your son. Your health and well being are equally as important as your son's. Continue posting, it helps. I'm sorry you find yourself here but I'm glad you found us. I wish you peace. [/QUOTE]
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