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I'm new...I recently had to put my son out..trying to cope.
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 611022" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Hello, GM. I'm sorry this is happening to you, and to your family. It's so hard to know how to respond to our kids. Of all the things we try, nothing seems to work. It's so discouraging, and we begin to feel that there must be something, some important piece we missed. </p><p></p><p>You are doing fine, and I think you are doing all the right things. I was glad to read that the uncle came to rescue the grandmother. That is important. In that the uncle did not automatically condemn your son, but tried to talk to and teach him, it sounds like your family is functioning well.</p><p></p><p>You mentioned drug use.</p><p></p><p>I have a son who was such a fine boy, GM. One day, just like that, everything changed. We knew there was some drug use but, as it seems you are doing, too...we ignored the drug part and instead, began checking off all the wrong things that had happened in his life to cause him such pain and rage. We believed he might be reacting to the problems we'd had with our daughter. We believed he was reacting to the "desertion" he claimed he felt from me, as I reacted to what was happening with our daughter. We hadn't been divorced, so it couldn't be that...but maybe it could be that we were such horrible parents that....</p><p></p><p>Do you see where I am going with this?</p><p></p><p>It wasn't us. It wasn't anything we had done.</p><p></p><p>It was drugs. When you interact with someone actively using drugs, you are interacting with the drug, not the person.</p><p></p><p>By the time we stopped blaming ourselves, our son's drug use had become a lifestyle. It cost us thousands and thousands of dollars to learn that lesson.</p><p></p><p>If I had it to do again, I would bring the real problem out into the open. Is it possible for your son to stop using on his own? If not, he will need to go into treatment. Unless he agrees to go into treatment, you cannot help him. The problem isn't his upbringing. The problem is his drug use.</p><p></p><p>That is what happened, to our son.</p><p></p><p>If we had been on top of that in the beginning, he would not have lost all those years when we kept trying to help him get on his feet without knowing what the real problem was.</p><p></p><p>Holding a good thought for you and your family, GM.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 611022, member: 1721"] Hello, GM. I'm sorry this is happening to you, and to your family. It's so hard to know how to respond to our kids. Of all the things we try, nothing seems to work. It's so discouraging, and we begin to feel that there must be something, some important piece we missed. You are doing fine, and I think you are doing all the right things. I was glad to read that the uncle came to rescue the grandmother. That is important. In that the uncle did not automatically condemn your son, but tried to talk to and teach him, it sounds like your family is functioning well. You mentioned drug use. I have a son who was such a fine boy, GM. One day, just like that, everything changed. We knew there was some drug use but, as it seems you are doing, too...we ignored the drug part and instead, began checking off all the wrong things that had happened in his life to cause him such pain and rage. We believed he might be reacting to the problems we'd had with our daughter. We believed he was reacting to the "desertion" he claimed he felt from me, as I reacted to what was happening with our daughter. We hadn't been divorced, so it couldn't be that...but maybe it could be that we were such horrible parents that.... Do you see where I am going with this? It wasn't us. It wasn't anything we had done. It was drugs. When you interact with someone actively using drugs, you are interacting with the drug, not the person. By the time we stopped blaming ourselves, our son's drug use had become a lifestyle. It cost us thousands and thousands of dollars to learn that lesson. If I had it to do again, I would bring the real problem out into the open. Is it possible for your son to stop using on his own? If not, he will need to go into treatment. Unless he agrees to go into treatment, you cannot help him. The problem isn't his upbringing. The problem is his drug use. That is what happened, to our son. If we had been on top of that in the beginning, he would not have lost all those years when we kept trying to help him get on his feet without knowing what the real problem was. Holding a good thought for you and your family, GM. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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