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I'm new...I recently had to put my son out..trying to cope.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 611077" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>There are a lot of great books out there on enabling, detachment that are a tremendous help. I also suffered from guilt from a bad marriage and I let my son use it against me. You can't change the past and they look for any excuse to continue their lifestyle. My son stole from me and helped his friends steal from me. I tried everything, anything I did just made him angry at me.</p><p></p><p>I just went to a family get together this past weekend and a 30ish relative had stolen from the company he worked for and was caught on camera, charged, and fired. Well, his dad is a manager in the same company and has finally said enough is enough and the young man is own his own to work this out.</p><p></p><p>Some of the family are outraged asking how can he turn his back on his own son. I've been through that judgment myself! Until people actually have a full blown difficult child in their home it's difficult for them to comprehend the stress we go through each day. I also have several 35yo's that work when they want to and spent it on drugs and alcohol and their family fusses, but they are still living at home. </p><p></p><p>in my opinion, as long as you let it, your son will continue in the path he is comfortable in. I know all of the things I have done to help my adult son really have not made a difference at all, it just allowed him to spend his time and money on drugs and alcohol.</p><p></p><p>My son is 35 and after he was conning me for money, hacked into my computer, had to call the police to stop his girlfriend's harassment, I finally drew the line in the sand and stopped. He threatened suicide and went no contact with me for almost a year. </p><p></p><p>It was painful for me, but I took the time to really look at my enabling habits. The stress was causing health issues for me. He contacted me recently and I can honestly report that he is doing better after I stopped 'helping' than he was before. </p><p></p><p>My daughter told me last week that she hoped my son can get his life together to enjoy some of it. That may never happen, but it is his choice alone and I will not live my life according to the daily decisions he makes.</p><p></p><p>There's help out there for them when they decide to ask for it, if they don't, either way it's their decision. Take care of yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 611077, member: 13558"] There are a lot of great books out there on enabling, detachment that are a tremendous help. I also suffered from guilt from a bad marriage and I let my son use it against me. You can't change the past and they look for any excuse to continue their lifestyle. My son stole from me and helped his friends steal from me. I tried everything, anything I did just made him angry at me. I just went to a family get together this past weekend and a 30ish relative had stolen from the company he worked for and was caught on camera, charged, and fired. Well, his dad is a manager in the same company and has finally said enough is enough and the young man is own his own to work this out. Some of the family are outraged asking how can he turn his back on his own son. I've been through that judgment myself! Until people actually have a full blown difficult child in their home it's difficult for them to comprehend the stress we go through each day. I also have several 35yo's that work when they want to and spent it on drugs and alcohol and their family fusses, but they are still living at home. in my opinion, as long as you let it, your son will continue in the path he is comfortable in. I know all of the things I have done to help my adult son really have not made a difference at all, it just allowed him to spend his time and money on drugs and alcohol. My son is 35 and after he was conning me for money, hacked into my computer, had to call the police to stop his girlfriend's harassment, I finally drew the line in the sand and stopped. He threatened suicide and went no contact with me for almost a year. It was painful for me, but I took the time to really look at my enabling habits. The stress was causing health issues for me. He contacted me recently and I can honestly report that he is doing better after I stopped 'helping' than he was before. My daughter told me last week that she hoped my son can get his life together to enjoy some of it. That may never happen, but it is his choice alone and I will not live my life according to the daily decisions he makes. There's help out there for them when they decide to ask for it, if they don't, either way it's their decision. Take care of yourself. [/QUOTE]
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I'm new...I recently had to put my son out..trying to cope.
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