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I'm not attached to my body
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 211573"><p>I know you're not making light of the situation. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> When I get like this a little levity is really appreciated to bring me back to earth. I run the gamut some days of being scared, frustrated, angry, defeated, acceptance and determination. Yesterday was defeated, mostly. I actually spent a little while thinking about who's body I would like to have...running the list of celebrities through my head.....<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> I also thought about all the pills I have...not that I want to die, because I dont...I just don't want to live like this anymore. I would never do anything like that - my kids need me. But, I did think about all the options I have, I guess you can say.</p><p></p><p>I've looked into that, too. The neurologist noted in an off-handed way a small B-12 and folic acid deficiency. It wasn't noted in a way that was like...oh we need to do something about this. My mom had gone and gotten me some B vitamins, but it was a B complex and I need to get just regular ol' B-12 and I also need to get some folic acid. She's coming up tomorrow, so I'll have her do it then. I'm pretty worthless right now as far as going anywhere.</p><p></p><p>Also read that the perjunke cells, that make up the cerebellum, are extremely sensitive. I had severe blockages for a long time and had significant cognitive impact before the heart attack which tells me that I wasn't getting enough oxygen to the brain...so that's another theory. And yet another is that I had a small stroke after the 2nd heart cath. </p><p></p><p>I'm not an alcoholic, I don't huff ethanol and I don't take lithium so those are all out (possible reasons for the atrophy). </p><p></p><p>Plus, things like MS could possibly be related. So, it all boils down to - right now - <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/dont_know.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":dont_know:" title="dontknow :dont_know:" data-shortname=":dont_know:" /> Which I wouldn't have a problem with if the docs were actually trying to determine a reason and determine how much of an effect all this is playing, ya know? </p><p></p><p>It is me that they are trying to get into the NIH. The GP sent in the info and we waited the obligatory 6 weeks and when we didn't hear anything they spent a week calling them. Seems they never received the info. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/faint.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":faint:" title="faint :faint:" data-shortname=":faint:" /> So, they sent it again - certified - and I *just* got a letter dated Oct 28 that they received my info, would take 6 weeks to review it and would notify me of their decision by mail. </p><p></p><p>Thank you for taking the time to look this stuff up. It means a lot. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/flower.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":flower:" title="flower :flower:" data-shortname=":flower:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 211573"] I know you're not making light of the situation. :happy: When I get like this a little levity is really appreciated to bring me back to earth. I run the gamut some days of being scared, frustrated, angry, defeated, acceptance and determination. Yesterday was defeated, mostly. I actually spent a little while thinking about who's body I would like to have...running the list of celebrities through my head.....:raspberry-tounge: I also thought about all the pills I have...not that I want to die, because I dont...I just don't want to live like this anymore. I would never do anything like that - my kids need me. But, I did think about all the options I have, I guess you can say. I've looked into that, too. The neurologist noted in an off-handed way a small B-12 and folic acid deficiency. It wasn't noted in a way that was like...oh we need to do something about this. My mom had gone and gotten me some B vitamins, but it was a B complex and I need to get just regular ol' B-12 and I also need to get some folic acid. She's coming up tomorrow, so I'll have her do it then. I'm pretty worthless right now as far as going anywhere. Also read that the perjunke cells, that make up the cerebellum, are extremely sensitive. I had severe blockages for a long time and had significant cognitive impact before the heart attack which tells me that I wasn't getting enough oxygen to the brain...so that's another theory. And yet another is that I had a small stroke after the 2nd heart cath. I'm not an alcoholic, I don't huff ethanol and I don't take lithium so those are all out (possible reasons for the atrophy). Plus, things like MS could possibly be related. So, it all boils down to - right now - :dont_know: Which I wouldn't have a problem with if the docs were actually trying to determine a reason and determine how much of an effect all this is playing, ya know? It is me that they are trying to get into the NIH. The GP sent in the info and we waited the obligatory 6 weeks and when we didn't hear anything they spent a week calling them. Seems they never received the info. :knockedout: So, they sent it again - certified - and I *just* got a letter dated Oct 28 that they received my info, would take 6 weeks to review it and would notify me of their decision by mail. Thank you for taking the time to look this stuff up. It means a lot. :flower: [/QUOTE]
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