i'm not making anyone happy tonight :(

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Nov 20, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi everyone!!! :)

    I hope everyone's day was a calm uneventful one.

    So, easy child kinda flipped out on me this evening. The issue of upcoming "outting" with her boyfriend and his parents, the dad who is the raging alcoholic came up at dinner.

    So, I told her I am sorry but I cannot allow you to go, due to safety reasons. When you drive, and that will not be too long from now, you will have the ability to keep yourself safe (hopefully), and have control over when you leave a place and whom you drive with. Yet now with the knowledge you have graciously (yup i added that to try to smooth it over;didn't work) shared with me and i soo appreciate it I can't allow you to get into a car with his dad with whom drinks heavily. She than responded well it's fine i was already in a car with him one night, he was drunk!!! OMG and his mom took over driving. They must of picked them up one night and I wasn't aware of it obviously........yikes! I said so his dad was driving the car drunk. She said yes but his mom made him pull over and she drove he sat in the front drunk. GREAt for her to be around.

    So, long story short my decision that i was contemplating is made. No more outtings with his family unfortunately. She screamed, cried, yelled said i'm going end of discussion LOL, that was funny. All the while telling difficult child see what she'll do to you when you get older she'll ruin your life, and never share anything with her!

    So, difficult child than before this explosion errupted decided to jump up from dinner table to check garbage (yup she loves garbage) i proceeded to use my words and tell her to sit down. She did listen after going through it a bit, she checks to make sure i dont throw her toys away ?? She than jumped up again and said i Have to feed gracie NOW! I said no R we should call her, you need to listen and please sit adn finish eating. She than ran away from me and proceeded to drop the entire cat box of food all over the floor. I even warned you will lose snack tonight if you do not listen to my words. So, she's snackless, and hating me, easy child isn't even talking she s' hyterical in her room over the boyfriend outting issue.

    Me, I finished my dinner alone, got up and cleaned my plate :) and than proceeded to light the candles in the kitchen and living room i needed some calm i am now locked in bathroom smoking a cig near window (only place i get peace) and talking to all of you.

    They say when they like you too much you aren't doing a good job, so well than tonight i'm Super Mom and doing a great job because they all hate me!! LOL
     
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Jen, I love how you open your posts with a greeting to all - very cool!

    Yep, sounds like you are Super Mom tonight. You are doing a great job not letting easy child go on that outing. Does that family have other kids besides the boy? Have the parents even called you? I hope they didn't plan on taking your daughter with out direct conversations with you. If they have not spoken directly with you, than she is not officially invited. I wouldn't dream of making plans like this without talking to the parents.

    Your little garbage hunter is so cute and funny! As if you would hide her toys in garbage! (Maybe in a double bag under the garbage bag?)

    I love how you say that you are using your words. I hope she is learning to use her ears.

    Careful about unattended candles, especially with a cat in the house that can maybe knock them over.

    I hope your bathroom break is working!

    Message to difficult child: "Did mom say no snack at all or just not your snack? If she actually said that you loose your snack, you may ask her for easy child's snack. easy child sounds too upset to enjoy it so you can enjoy it for her!" (and we wonder why I have problems with my kids teaching them stuff like this! Maybe I should have been a lawyer!)
     
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    LOL

    I laughed out loud when i read that bottom part!! You are funny. So, how is your broken computer working?? Are you going through withdrawal from here??? You haven't been on much.

    easy child is hating my guts right now. Busy telling me what she will "do, end of story"! ha ha where do you think she gets that from?? I must use that at least once a day "End of story"........:bow: Bow to Super Mom.....

    difficult child my little garbage girl just likes garbage LOL i have no idea why. She used to collect it in her closet so i am sooo sooo happy that "garbage phase" has ended and now she's just a picker!!

    Can you imagine?? Gracie knocks over candles, fire in kitchen, kids hating me boy that would be some post for me to write tomorrow. :crazy2:

    I love how i have the little icon ppl now makes it more exciting when i remember to use them. How is your easy child doing, i haven't seen any posts, or difficult child??
     
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jennifer,
    You definitely made the right decision for your easy child. I just hate when my easy child screams and screams and then I say something she doesn't like and all of a sudden she tells me to stop yelling at her even though I didn't raise my voice.

    I'm glad you lit your candles and are trying to relax. Hugs.
     
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I have taken control of an older computer. It was very hard the little time I was away. Yes, I was in withdrawal. I don't know how long this computer will work.

    difficult child did well yesterday and today. Though he is very angry that he did poorly on a science test today. My fault because I don't know how to study! Dad does science and I do social studies. Dad was out of town this week. difficult child didn't bring a study sheet in from the van and when I went over it at school this a.m. most of it was wrong. I absolutely hate science, I can not pronounce the words let alone understand the meaning - no way I am going to be able to help him with it.

    I told difficult child that starting tomorrow he is to bring his science book home every day he has science and we will review what the class did that day. We will also write notes to reread for tests. I will teach him how to take notes - :check_writer:just don't ask me to help prepare for an entire chapter test at bedtime the night before!

    I think I am back on air for awhile now. Except I will be gone Wednesday night through Saturday night next week (Thanksgiving).:thanksgiving1:

    easy child and a friend drove 3 hours to her aunt's home in St Paul. She said late Summer when a group of girls went to the cities that she did most the driving so is comfortable with big city driving. :crazydriver:She made it there o.k. I am so glad the roads are good this weekend.
     
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jen,

    EXCELLENT call on not letting easy child go with her boyfriend's family. No way can you risk having that drunk maim or kill your baby. She probably is as angry as all get out, but that is just tough. It is what it is. You KNOW the mom probably only made the dad move over because easy child was with them that one time. I hope easy child can calm down and see the situation rationally, or at least go be angry quietly in her room. I frequently tell Jess that I am fine if she is angry, but she must go be angry in her room.

    She hates that, but is learning to do it.

    Hope things smooth out some in the next week.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Jennifer, you poor thing.
    I had to laugh that you were smoking a cig in the bathroom, and had lit candles. :)

    Hey, better to have an angry child who is alive, than a dead one who thought you were great. That's my take on it.
    She'll get over it.
    Just, not tonight. :(

    So, are you making alternate plans for her, so she is occupied when this outing happens and she can't sneak out to it?
     
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Tough love hurts us as much as it does them. Great job, mom!
     
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Sharon - Yes it's a horror when they yell. Thats why as of late I just disconnect and walk away and breath. I know she's hurt yet someday she will realize what i did, and why i "ruin" her life the way I do LOL.

    I adore her, it is hard for them. Their trying to adhere to our rules and regulations and at the same time trying to find themselves and build their own little life and network of friends/boyfriends, etc. not to mention their hormonal surge as well.

    I wouldn't redo my teenage years if someone paid me!!!


    Andy - I'm glad to hear that easy child made such a long drive with friend and they are safe. She's very responsible. How's that whole situation with friends and baby thing going?? Has she distanced herself from that somewhat? i know you were ripping your hair out over that one.

    My bad subject is math!! i can do the science stuff yet math escapes me other than basic addition and subtraction. I do as you will be doing with looking over the science text. i look over her math text and sometimes even need the internet as well. pretty funny, huh..??
     
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Ok you all snuck in on me!! I had easy child open yet wasn't infront of it lol. I was making easy child hot chocolate, yup i'm a "sucker"....... I made it handed it to her said hey it's all good if you hate me right now yet i love you to pieces and need you alive. she smiled and snarled at the same time and is sitting next to me drinking it......yet no words. which is alll good with me!!! LOL

    Susie - yes i whole heartedly agree with you. I hate being a grown up sometimes. ugh!! it's good what you do with Jess, yet your right it's like "ok be mad i'm ok with that, think bad things, yet dont' tell me them lol" just go in your own room and spew quietly.

    Terry - Hi, how are you feeling?? Yes I did enjoy the bathroom smoke a bit too much:dance:. She is actually starting track this weekend, it's her first weekend practice so ms. thing will be quite busy with that. Wow they have got me on the go. Everyday of the week it's something else or another lot of kids to pick up. When i find a job boy how things will change a bit. yet for now i get to do this stuff for them, which i enjoy!!

    ML - Thanks!! Yes it is rough. Funny thing is they think, they being our teenagers think we actually enjoy torturing them. well only sometimes lol. def not this time
     
  11. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    easy child has nothing to do with Baby L's mom! :D

    She unfortunately has a crush on Baby L's dad and is going to ask him if she can move to the cities with him when he goes! :sick:

    Yes, pulling all my hair out on this one. I sure hope he says "no". She wants out of this town so bad but doesn't see the easy way out is to go to school.

    I have failed her! :(
     
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Andy - You have not failed her, that is just silly. Dont' say that. Your a great mom, so ontop of things, everytime i read your posts i'm in awe of how you juggle. Forgetting your wallet that time was pretty funny though, that was you, right?? LOl

    Ahh she has a crush on the Dad, did you sense that prior or that was recently she anti'd up on that one? I hope she make the right choice. Yet just try to remember how "we" made some not so great choices back than also and we lived to tell the tale. She sounds like a bright, responsible, and very caring person trust in that. :) and that didn't happen magically :)
     
  13. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    :sad: She told me a few days ago that J is the only person who is nice to her.

    I wish I had this board 9 years ago when easy child was 9 years old. She was/is a difficult child. I wish I would have done so many things differently.

    I had a boring life - no drama's of friendships so I have no idea how to handle these things.

    I think we are so close to rock bottom and I am terrified of the choices she will make at that turning point. I have to keep faith that she is smart and hope she will not do something just to tick me off. Her favorite saying lately is, "Because I can!"

    I know she is now her own person but my mommy heart is shredded.
     
  14. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Good job Jennifer-
    Well I am hiding in the other room eating whoppers and kind of watching Grey's Anatomy... N is walking around looking for me in a sick daze! I already put her to bed.
    husband just cuddled her up and had to put her in our bed. I think she is still fighting her sickness. Poor little thing.
    But my day has royally hit the fan! So I am hiding.
     
  15. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh Andy
    I hate reading Mommy hearts hurt! Little girls can hurt us so bad. And the sad thing is they never really realize it, even at 18.
    Warrior Mom
    We all are, but some days it don't feel like it!
     
  16. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Andy i totally hear you on that one! You really have to have some faith right now. You have to have some faith in all you have given her and also in the person she is. Letting go detatching is so so hard. i can't even imagine. I am so sure you did a great job when she was 9.

    Just stay hopeful, without hope where are we??? (((hugs)))
     
  17. Jena

    Jena New Member

    T

    Are you serious i forgot grey's was on tonight. ugh. I couldn't figure out why her dead fiance/patient man was back. that was umm kinda weird!!! LOL

    A whopper, good for you and yes you have had a really rough week. N is still up and searching for you, aw poor little thing. I'm glad husband pitches in that way and helps out so Mom can eat and try to watch t.v. you need that break. it's crucial.
     
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jen, it is too funny what you wrote about teenagers thinking we live to think up new ways to torture them.

    Until Wiz was about 10 he thought (honestly believed) that on New Year's Eve the parents stayed up all night to think up new ways to be mean to the kids. He thought that all the parties were about THAT. Talk about thinking you are the center of the world, LOl!

    Anyway, I just remembered it when you wrote that.

    Andy, i am so sorry your mommy heart is hurting. Here is a special thing just for you : (Put you left hand on your right shoulder. Put your right hand on your left shoulder. Squeeze gently. Now you have a hug from Susie!!)

    Toto - enjoy the Whoppers. I enjoy the candy ones much more than the ones the kids tell me. Boy can they think up some Whoppers! Anyway, follow the directions I just gave to Andy - there is a hug from Susie for you too!

    Jen - you should also follow the directions I gave Andy. 2 or 3 times!!!
     
  19. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Jennifer...fantastic job Mom...It is SO HARD bringing the voice of reason to our teens. It is so like turning the blender on high and wearing the contents that spews up into the air. I am in the mists of similar boundary
    issues. When the drinking and drugging families are just not caring and our kids know their kids from school and even thought they are adults they just are not on the safe tally. I hope that you can be very clear with her...and that the firm and clear information you do give her will sink in eventually. Maybe the two friends can visit somewhere that those parents are comfortable having her visit and the two can be in good supervision....or perhaps other relationships can be encouraged.
    No driving with drunks is on my ALL NO ALL the TIme list, too.
    I think you are doing a wonderful job. I like your choices. And you used your words..yey.
    I am visualizing us holding hands and doing the mothers worst nightmare dance complete with screaming over hearing your precious one say she already rode in the car with the drunk. When using our words it is the
    intent attention that real danger offers that can keep us steady and
    calm and clear as we speak and give direction to our young.
    But a mothers heart is ready to tear the metal off the frame of that car under the energy generated by this sort of thing, yes?..
     
  20. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Susie - So very true!!! Funny huh.... they really do think we want to torture them!!! It's like yup this is what i do during the day i come up with ways to make you miserable. Ok that is way too funny, "kid torture meetings" held on New Years Eve!! LOL that's cute. ah.........

    Ropefree - i'm going to call you RP if tha'Tourette's Syndrome ok!!! i'm glad to see you back on the boards :) you will come to love this place i'm sure! I go thru strange withdrawal if i miss too much time. In regards to what you said, yes without a doubt. I try not to be too shocked by the things she's done, because we have a long road yet and my "drama" level has to be kept at bay!

    I'Tourette's Syndrome really not easy being a teenager, i'm telling you I wouldn't redo for anything. Their trying to find their independence while adhering to rules, and also trying to figure out themselves, their wants, desires, who they are going to be!! I'm almost 40 and still figuring out me! With that said yes I need to keep her safe, yet I won't push her towards other friendships at this point. She has alot of friends, and if it seems to her i'm trying to pull them apart she'll run to him even faster i've learned.

    I like this boy also, he's a good kid and my heart breaks when i think of what it must be like at home, it really bugs me.My Dad was an alky so i know far too well what a life with a alky can be like, especially if their still drinking away. This will be a good learning opportunity for her, a painful one and yup she's hating me. Yet she has to learn also what it is she is willing to accept and not in relationships.She has to learn her own boundaries, how to set them, etc.

    So, we shall see. It's giong to require close monitoring on my part with even going to his house. She jogs everyday so she isnt' in my radar 24/7 nor should she being at almost 16 she requires a bit of freedom. Yet i tried to explain in the best way i know how that situations like that are always potentially harmful, that alcoholics are not "in control" hence it is a disease, and that at any time a very dramatic situation could present itself and she isn't prepared with the tools at this age to handle those situations. I don't know if anyone ever is.

    anyway i've rambled enough, thanks for your words. :)
     
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