I'm on my way
- Thread starter witzend
- Start date
scent of cedar
New Member
All good thoughts go with you, Witz. However scary it seems? These are your first, small steps toward freedom.
:O)
Barbara
:O)
Barbara
Holding good thoughts that this is the beginning of your liberation and the reclaiming of your joy!
trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
Keeping you in my thoughts Witz. Hoping the Psy.D is a good fit for you, and that everything goes well.
Estherfromjerusalem
Well-Known Member
Good luck, Witz!
Love, Esther
Love, Esther
everywoman
Well-Known Member
Hoping it goes well.
DDD
Well-Known Member
I can't tell you how proud I am of you. You've carefully chosen a new course to travel. Your expectations are being kept in check. You believe you have a quality provider. You are projecting that it will take time...maybe lots of time to get on the right path. Your decision is one of the most thoroughly planned actions anyone has had. Lordy, I am rooting for you. DDD
witzend
Well-Known Member
Well, it went well I think. Thank goodness she is not terribly busy, because it literally took me over two hours to tell the story of why I'm at where I'm at. She did stop me at the point where I was telling about L asking her Dr. C to be her MOTB, and said, "I'm confused. We're not talking about her stepmother?" Of course she asked if I had turned her in to the medical board, and I asked her, "Why bother? I'll never win that fight", and she seemed to agree.
We agreed that I am rather permanently suspicious at this point, and that the not sleeping through the night has to do with a protection mode I've gotten myself into. I fall asleep, start to dream, and as I go into REM where I should be going through my sleep cycles I wake up in panic instead, as though there is something to protect myself from. She feels that if I can find a way to be less vigilant while I'm awake, that I'll be less vigilant while I'm asleep, and I should be able to begin to sleep through the night. I was honest with her about my medications and my falling asleep in front of old movies, and she wasn't all hot to trot to wean me off of sleep medications right off the bat, which I think is a good thing. It scares me, but I'll never get off sleep medications if I don't deal with the source of my sleep problems first.
We are going to try CBT, and she was clear that if I decided that I didn't like her or felt uncomfortable that I should just tell her so, rather than quitting. We both know that It will be weekly sessions for several months, although she does understand that I will be visiting friends at home (no family - I've told no one) for a week in August. She thought that was ok, as well. My insurance will cover 26 visits this year less co-pay. That's something that we will budget for. She wasn't terribly descriptive about what we would do other than that I should find a way and a time to be calm. Meditation would be ideal, but somehow I'd have to find a way to learn to meditate while leaning back because of my MD. I can't hold myself upright so I have to lean one way or another. That could be a challenge. Who was it did the eye blinking thing? It's a thought...
So, I'm emotionally drained. I don't usually tell that story, and no one where we are now knows it. husband and I joked last week that we should have told everyone that we were childless orphans when we moved here just to eliminate the question ever coming up. I was a little wary that I might be chastised for "running away", but that wasn't an issue. Mostly it was her listening to my story. I go back next week, and we'll work on it from there. I'm going to try to get into a hot bath tonight even though the weather here is about as steamy as it can be. I ache.
Thanks all, for your good wishes and support. It means a great deal to me.
We agreed that I am rather permanently suspicious at this point, and that the not sleeping through the night has to do with a protection mode I've gotten myself into. I fall asleep, start to dream, and as I go into REM where I should be going through my sleep cycles I wake up in panic instead, as though there is something to protect myself from. She feels that if I can find a way to be less vigilant while I'm awake, that I'll be less vigilant while I'm asleep, and I should be able to begin to sleep through the night. I was honest with her about my medications and my falling asleep in front of old movies, and she wasn't all hot to trot to wean me off of sleep medications right off the bat, which I think is a good thing. It scares me, but I'll never get off sleep medications if I don't deal with the source of my sleep problems first.
We are going to try CBT, and she was clear that if I decided that I didn't like her or felt uncomfortable that I should just tell her so, rather than quitting. We both know that It will be weekly sessions for several months, although she does understand that I will be visiting friends at home (no family - I've told no one) for a week in August. She thought that was ok, as well. My insurance will cover 26 visits this year less co-pay. That's something that we will budget for. She wasn't terribly descriptive about what we would do other than that I should find a way and a time to be calm. Meditation would be ideal, but somehow I'd have to find a way to learn to meditate while leaning back because of my MD. I can't hold myself upright so I have to lean one way or another. That could be a challenge. Who was it did the eye blinking thing? It's a thought...
So, I'm emotionally drained. I don't usually tell that story, and no one where we are now knows it. husband and I joked last week that we should have told everyone that we were childless orphans when we moved here just to eliminate the question ever coming up. I was a little wary that I might be chastised for "running away", but that wasn't an issue. Mostly it was her listening to my story. I go back next week, and we'll work on it from there. I'm going to try to get into a hot bath tonight even though the weather here is about as steamy as it can be. I ache.
Thanks all, for your good wishes and support. It means a great deal to me.
Thanks for the update Witz, it does sound quite promising, it seems you have someone you can relate to who is a good listener whom you don't feel judged by, which is a healthy environment to heal in. I am excited for you, I am proud of you for your courage and commitment.......... and I am sending all my deepest wishes for peace for you..........and hugs too!
Estherfromjerusalem
Well-Known Member
Thanks for the update, Witz. It sounds good. It must have been really difficult for you to tell the story of your life from scratch. Good luck with the continuation.
Hope you had a good "soak" and that it helped you unwind.
Love, Esther
Hope you had a good "soak" and that it helped you unwind.
Love, Esther
Marcie Mac
Just Plain Ole Tired
So glad to hear it went well for you 
Marcie
Marcie
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Glad it went well. Finding a good therapist that you click with is like finding a needle in a haystack, especially around here. I found one then lost her and havent been able to find another one for nothing.
