I'm so frustrated

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Woofens, Nov 21, 2008.

  1. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Hi everyone!! Hope everyone is having a good day. Better than mine anyway. We have had 2 snow days this week, and it threw difficult child J's schedule all off. Things haven't been great here, but they haven't been terrible either. Today, yesterday.... well.... they were terrible.

    Yesterday was difficult child J's day for lunch at school with his parents. easy child T has a terrible cold and I had to keep her home from school. difficult child had already gotten up and dressed when I decided to keep T home. He did a Dr. Jeckyl/ Mr Hyde on me. Went and hid in his room, refused to come out and go to school. He did go to school, but getting him into the car was not pretty.

    Today was our second snow day of the week. He seemed excited to not have to go to school, but he argued with easy child S non-stop all morning. I'm still not sleeping at night so I usually go back to bed in the mornings after the kids get on the bus. Today I tried to sleep for a while but they were screaming, so now I'm exhausted, with the beginnings of a migraine, and being pregnant, I can't take anything but Tylenol. He has been hitting his sisters, screaming at me, name calling, peeling the paint off his bedroom walls, throwing things.... the only thing he usually does he hasn't done is hit or kick me, but I think that is because I try to stay out of his way when he is raging now, because I'm worried about him really hurting me, because of the pregnancy. We still haven't told the kids about that yet, I'm afraid if difficult child J knows, he will try to kick me in the stomach :(

    We were supposed to have therapy here yesterday with our CM, but we rescheduled due to the weather. I talked to her on the phone and since out regular pediatrician won't schedule him for a Neuro psychiatric appointment, I'm going to take him to easy child's dev pediatrician because I know that she will refer him for it.

    I just don't know what to do with him. I just want to curl up in the corner and cry. My head hurts, I'm tired, I'm grumpy.... I need to go get my shower so M and I can go out on our usual Friday nite dinner at Outback... and all I want to do is sleep. I can't shower because I can't leave difficult child alone with the girls.

    How do I go about getting the respite you guys talk about? I'm really at the end of my rope here.

    Today is one of the days I just don't want to be a mom anymore :brokenheart:

    Thanks for reading

    Hugs,
    Jan
     
  2. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    You sound exhausted and at your whits end, both of which I can so relate to!!! I am so sorry things are so rough right now and the bad weather doesn't help any. I can only imagine how hard this must be to deal with while being pregnant, hormones, fatigue, upset stomach, having to use the bathroom a million times a day and so on..... You poor thing!!! Do you have family or friends who would be willing to take the kids for a night or two to give you some much needed rest and down time?

    I have lots of these "not wanting to be a mom" days!!!!

    Hang in there and God bless. :)
     
  3. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Bran,

    Thanks :) Moonwolf and Moe are on their way over for the evening. They are usually here by 2 PM every weekday, but Moe's paycheck came today so they had stuff they had to do. They wanted me to go with Moe and leave Moonwolf here with the kids, but with difficult child acting the way he was today, I was afraid to try to leave him here with her and the girls. I had planned to take him with Moe and me but I wasn't about to take him out in public the way he was acting out today.

    I have said before I can tell the difference in him when he is raging because of anxiety and when it it just flat out the ODD rearing its ugly head. Today was the ODD, no doubt about it. He was smirking at me the whole time he was raging. I really just wanted to smack him hard enough to knock it off his face.

    I'm ready to strip his room, to take the ammunition away. The problem is, we have combined 3 households into 1 here (mine, SO's and SO's difficult child's stuff he left in another house when he moved away) so there really isn't anyplace to put everything out of difficult child's room.

    As for friends or family taking them for a couple days... no one wants to take him :( My sister might take the girls, but she has 5 kids of her own and her hubby is in the hospital. He has immune neuropathy with vasculitis and his white blood count is through the ceiling. My mom is no help at all, she is pi$$ed at me about difficult child D. I gave up on getting help from her a long time ago. Moe and Moonwolf are great (Moonwolf is my daughter by choice.... I've been her mom for a long time and Moe is her girlfriend/SO) but they are already here 5 days a week, and I can't ask them to do more. They are only 21 and 24.

    I'm just going to really enjoy being out with SO tonight, and beg him to give the guy he just hired more hours so he can be home with us a couple nights a week.

    Sigh....

    Hugs
    Jan
     
  4. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Jan,

    I've had many days similar to the one you've described. I know what you mean about not wanting to do it anymore. Raising difficult children is challenging enough even on the best of days.

    I'm glad you're going out for dinner this evening. I find that when I'm away for awhile and have had a bit of "me" time, I'm much more prepared to deal with whatever my difficult children have in store for me next.

    It is especially difficult for you, being pregnant. Take every offer of help you receive. You need to be able to rest and have a bit of time to yourself. When I was pregnant with easy child, I used to have a babysitter come over so I could take a nap. It definitely helped.

    Enjoy your evening and relax... You deserve it!!! WFEN
     
  5. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Oh darlin...you do need some help and rest and a massage and some pampering...
    I am so puzzled by the trouble getting the psyc evaluations...it is repeated over and over on this site..have you never gotten one or are they declining to respond to the periodic evaluations?
    I assume through the DOE. Even is you have to wait to get it just put the process in motion and then keep going on all fronts...is my stradegy.
    What are they going to say..NO? No is an answer I as a parent do not take when it is inappropriate.
    I think you can find some information about respite through the department of health...and when you call the person who has some info may have other ideas about where to look for the support you need for your situation.
    Since you are coping with so much and not feeling well to boot maybe have one notebook you can list all your wishes and over time keep track what you actually do achieve over time. When the household is so busy it is easy to feel like you never got out of bed when actually you do a lot.
    Maybe, if you do not already, you need a mothers helper. It is one of the miricals of motherhood that angles do appear. The fact that you do say what you need can connect you to others. I desperately needed a
    compitant person to give me a break for any amount of time when my one child was little...and low and behold a teenager out on their own for the first time who had younger siblings offered to in exchange for meals.
    For a breakfast plate I had a time to go for a walk every morning that truely made my life better. ANd for a dinner plate I had a fresh and enthusiastic personality for my child to interact with while I centered on the other things that are just easier to do when attention isn't devided.
    Also maybe you can arrange playdates for your children so that you have some complete down time regularly.
    i am not a fan of screaming...I think that sometimes children are having to work way to hard to get attention and that they learn to start at the extreme level as a result. With your session coming up make a list of things that you are having go on and look into what works for other families. Giving attention is very often how the pattern is redirected. Yet until the meathod is fully understood and implimented 100% half measures can make matters worse.
    Hopefully you have other families near by that can benifit from the playmates in your home.
    When you do have time for yourself try to remember to just relax. I was so caught up in the burden I was sitting in a landry mat alone for the first time and I realized that that was not what I wanted to do with time I had available. I did not think ahead at all.
    Maybe ask your children to help you with your self care like have a drink of water party toghether through the day. Routene ceremonious get togethers add a special element. Maybe take turns who serves the water. Interruption to play sessions help younge ones to renew too.
    I know about the spine pain some...what we can do is use our own voice to soothe ourselves and those around us.
    ANy massage schools near you? If you do then as a pregnant person you may find that student or series thereof will include you in their practise for liscense. Could be good.
     
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ((HUGS)) No advice- try to get some rest- pop in a movie or something- like ear plugs!!
     
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I hope in your evening out you find your new wind.

    It does sound like difficult child is being extra frustrating lately. I wish I had advise on how to fill his days. What fun and interesting things would keep him busy for awhile? Does he like playdough? How about clearing the table, giving him some bedsheets, pillows, and blankets. Instruct him to make himself a "club house" just for him under the table. He can take whatever toys under there to play with. That will be his private hide out. How about giving him construction paper or cardstock and markers and have him make Christmas cards? He can send to relatives, give to neighbors, and give to teachers?

    Take care of yourself.
     
  8. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I'm sorry you've had a rough few days.

    We've been told that affect inappropriate to the situation (ie, smirking while raging) can be a symptom of mania. Has any mental health professional suggested that your difficult child might have a mood disorder? Besides the psychiatric hospital, what kind of evaluations has he had?

    Hang in there.
     
  9. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    Awwww, I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed right now. ((((HUGS)))) hope things return to normal for you soon
     
  10. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Thanks to everyone who responded.

    Our night out was not one of our better nights.... easy child S threw up in the sink before we left, and after we left she threw up in her bed. So throughout dinner I was getting phone calls from Moonwolf and Moe about puke :( Gotta love that. NOT

    I did lay down and sleep for about an hour and a half before we left, so at least my headache was gone.

    Smallworld, I have said for a long time that difficult child seemed to me to be bipolar. We have had NO evaluations except what he got at the psychiatric hospital and at the Behavioral Health center. I really want to get him into easy child's dev pediatrician. She and I have been through alot with easy child T and she will listen to me. My SO and I are also going to request a meeting with the main pediatrician in the practice we go to. She knows my SO very well and she might be willing to send him for more intensive testing and/or the neuro psychiatric evaluation if she hears the whole story from both of us.

    Ropefree, my difficult child has absolutely no problems at school so DOE is not involved at all. :) A good point in among the mess I supposed.

    Adrianne (love your name the male spelling is difficult child's middle name, after my dad) I liked your suggestions on how to fill his days. We will be trying some of them this weekend.

    So easy child S has a flu bug, and her clonidine and melatonin knocks her out so hard that she was throwing up in her sleep and choking on it, so I'm in for a sleepless night with her. Moonwolf and Moe will be here around 8 AM so I can go to bed. If anyone else is up all night PM me with your yahoo or MSN messenger names if ya wanna chat LOL

    Thanks everyone :)

    Hugs
    Jan
     
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