I'm so sick of the F word ... and life

[trinityroyal]

Trinity, are these the medications that helped your son? Seroquel SR. Lamictal

Those are the very ones.

It took quite a bit of tinkering with his medications dosage, as well as significant dietary and sleep pattern changes to get difficult child into a stable state. And it's a constant balancing act to keep him there, but he's so much better than he used to be. Another thing we did was to cut off all access to screens (tv, video games, computers) for about 2 years. difficult child was so addicted, and his behaviour after any exposure was so destructive and rage-filled that we realized he had to go cold-turkey.

Once we got the medications straightened out, we've slowly started reintroducing very limited screen time. difficult child still shows an appalling lack of boundaries, but the one computer to which he has access is fully locked down and it generates a daily report of all traffic, keystrokes, and a copy of all e-mail messages, so we know exactly what he's been doing. And what he's tried unsuccessfully to do.

As for their ability to behave, it seems that pleasure/pain is the only thing that's ever motivated difficult child. If he really likes something and knows he'll only have it if he behaves well, he will behave well until he gets it. Similarly, if he knows a particular misbehaviour will result in unmitigated grief, he won't do it. So we work very hard to make it such a PITA for him to behave badly that it's just not worth the trouble. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is a huge help with this. There's no way we could sustain it if he still lived at home.

 

[TerryJ2]

Okay, I'll do the F-word thing. Reminds me of when we had him light 500 matches. Or was it 2,000?

 

[Wiped Out]

Sorry I'm coming into this so late-just sending hugs at this point-others have made some good suggestions. I'm going to use the F word thing and the door closing thing with my difficult child.

 

[susiestar]

I had forgotten about having them say it 500 times. Our school nurse for elem school makes all the 5th graders say the names of body parts out loud together until they all stop giggling at it. Imagine walking by a classroom and hearing the kids all say "P#*($" over and over at the top of their lungs! Talk about something you don't expect, LOL!

I also remember that the Montessori director at my older two kids' preschool would draw a line about 1/4 to 1/2 inch up the side of a dixie cup and make kids who spit fill it up. Only a couple ever had to do it more than once. She also had something she made biters bite over and over to help break that habit. Not sure what it was but it didn't taste very good. Lots of parents took that one home to help with biting children.

I am sorry it is so rough. When they are so determined to get that screen time it can ruin otherwise perfectly lovely times. And make bad times so much worse. Problems like this are why I used to put certain things into a storage unit several miles from our home. That way difficult child could not go and get them back on his own. If he continues to be violent when do you draw the line and ask the psychiatrist to admit him?

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Terry,

So sorry you're going through absolute HE77 with your difficult child!!! It brings back horrible memories of what life was like when difficult child 1 was living at home. I can relate to so much of what you've said. I think you've been given some excellent advice. I agree with what Trinity said about the medication. Until difficult child 1 was properly medicated, nothing we did to try to change his behavior helped at all. He never learned from natural consequences, therapist, psychiatrist appointments, etc... in my humble opinion, the combination of bipolar/Aspie is particularly tough!!!

Like Trinity's difficult child, difficult child 2 is only motivated by pleasure/pain. I don't think he has the ability to see life from any other angle. I think difficult child 1 is better at hiding his true feelings and really does, at times, try hard to see things from other people's point of view. (husband disagrees with me on this. He thinks difficult child 1 only does nice things for others because he needs something from us in return. I agreed with husband until difficult child 1 moved out of our house and I began to see positive changes in him. However, he is slipping fast - headed in a down-ward spiral. A long story. Don't want to "hog" your post!!!) In fact, at times, difficult child 1 can be very generous and caring. However, when it gets right down to it, if his medications aren't working, all of his generosity and caring fly out the window. He becomes self-absorbed to the max!!!

I love Star's recommendation about having your difficult child repeat the F word over and over again, etc... I think I need to try this on difficult child 2!!! difficult child 2's verbal abuse is constant and getting more and more difficult for me to tolerate.

Sending many hugs your way... Hope today is a much better day!!! SFR

 

[SRL]

I don't know if it's the heat, or the stress of my cousin, the house repairs, or what, or if I've finally come to the realization that difficult child has not made much progress and I am getting depressed thinking that I am stuck with-this behavior for the next 7 yrs, but I just can't seem to handle it any more.

I am seriously thinking of asking my cousin for $ to send difficult child to a special school in the mtns ...

I think it's past time. You need a rest, girlfriend. difficult child is 13 and there are only a few short years left where you're in the driver's seat to possibly influence the outcome. difficult child needs a different approach, and a professional staff to implement it.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you all. Lots to think about.