I'm so stressed I feel sick.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by StephAnn, Aug 27, 2012.

  1. StephAnn

    StephAnn New Member

    I googled and found this board and have been reading some of the threads. Seems like most of you know exactly what I am going through. I have a 20 yr old son that I love dearly, as I do his sisters. His problems have caused our entire family huge amounts of stress and me personally to be so stressed that some days I literally can't eat or sleep. He got a job after being told to for the last couple of years and quit it after working a few weeks. He said he wasn't going to work a job that didnt give him so many hours a week. He didnt care that his attitude about working wasn't great and they probably limited his hours because of that.

    He got mad and me and my husband (step-dad who has been in his life since he was 4) because we literally dragged him to the local community college and made him enroll. He wasnt doing any of his schoolwork so one morning he got really nasty and packed his things and moved to his bio-fathers house. I was surprised but I didnt beg him to stay, which I think is what he expected. We told him if he left he was not coming back. He said he would take care of himself and his school. Needless to say he failed every single class this last semester and didnt even attempt to enroll for the fall. He is now jobless and his bio-dad says he stays out all hours of the night and gets really angry when questioned about it.

    He gets really nasty and angry with me and his bio-dad and yells and screams, but always comes back and apologizes. He has seen a therapist and a doctor who say he has anger issues and is mildly depressed. Personally I feel like the only thing really wrong with him is that he is lazy and doesn't want to work or support himself. When he has money in his pocket he is fine, when he doesn't he is terrible to be around. Theres so much more to this, but I don't think I can write it all down. He bounces back and forth staying with his sisters, his bio-dad and coming to me for money for this or that. I try not to give him any but sometimes my heart beats out my head and I do give him some.

    He could do so much for himself, but he simply doesn't bother. I know I need to back away and let go, but its the hardest thing I've ever done.
     
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! There are too many enablers here. Someone besides you needs to put their foot down! You did good!
     
  3. StephAnn

    StephAnn New Member

    Thanks for your reply. He does have many enablers and I guess when I cave and feed him I am one too. My husband doesn't enable, he's done with him altogether (he says he cant do it because it's killing me, our marriage and our family and he is right). My ex, my sons bio-dad comes from a family that is well off and all my sons life they've handed him cash to make up for not being an active part of his life. They still do this and this is how he gets money. They gave him a car and pay for all expenses for it, so all he needs is gas. His sisters have just about reached the point my husband has and so he won't have them to run to anymore. I guess I'm still trying to understand and make sense of it all. His sisters were raised the same and all of them are college graduates with jobs and homes.

    I don't think I will ever fully understand.
     
  4. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    StephAnn,
    Stop adding to your stress by beating yourself up about enabling! I was conned out of money just last Oct, Nov, and Dec and I am a veteran lol. Read the posts and the many books on the subject of detaching and helping YOU. Therapy is great if you can afford it.

    A major biggie is YOU HAVE HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE - stay strong and keep him out. There are many posts on the forum about that issue too - the book below also addresses it.

    I feel it is much harder on the mother than anyone else, mainly because society makes you feel like a failure. Regardless of the past he is an adult and is now responsible for himself. I blamed myself far too many years and it did not solve the problem at all, it only adds to it.

    There are so many great places to get help (like this forum) that I did not have access to when my difficult child started raising h***. I was in therapy with him for years and he refused to participate. He was on court ordered rehab 3 times and almost went to prison. My gifted son (math and science) dropped out of school. I drove him to take the GED and sat in the car the entire time to make sure he stayed and took the test. After that I felt I had done the best I could and the rest is up to him.

    You can not change him and he makes his own choices. I can tell you from experience that he will not change until he has too. Many here have let theirs live on the streets. Tough love is extremely hard, but it may be the only thing that will work.

    My difficult child just turned 34 and I still shake my head some days and last week was stressful for me too. I exercise, and have hobbies, luckily hubby (13 years) is not emotionally attached to difficult child so he helps me detach.

    It is still hard, we are their mothers, but they are not children, they just refuse to grow up and be responsible.

    I love this book, mainly because it was written by a therapist, and she couldn't change her son.
    http://www.support4change.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=131&Itemid=177/7/23.html

    (((huggs for us all)))
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board. Can you tell us more about this son? Sounds like the problems didn't spring up overnight. Is he on drugs? Are you sure he's not? Drinking?

    Frankly, if I had a twenty year old that just sat around the house and abused me, I would give him three months to pack his bags and find another place to live so he will be forced to grow up. You and bio. dad in my opinion do him no favors by letting him get away with vegetating.

    I think he needs a new therapist. Somehow this one is missing the boat. Regardless of what is wrong with him, he is an adult now and needs to act like one. If you keep him at home, he may never grow up.
     
  6. StephAnn

    StephAnn New Member

    Thank you all for the replies. A bit more info on my son. No this did not spring up overnight. It has been a problem since he was about 15. He started ignoring chores and its escalated to him flat out refusing to do schoolwork etc. He was home schooled and did well until this period of his life. He was home schooled because he had heart problems and could not take medications for ADHD and our school system gave us the choice to medicate him anyway or remove him. Because of his health we removed him. At any rate, he got his GED because we did like the mom above and drove him and waited for him to complete it. He is very smart and gifted but it boils down to being lazy and a lack of self esteem that I believe is due to his laziness.

    He has been out drinking with his friends, but it is fairly uncommon for that to happen. He is not into drugs and I know this is true because of a recent blood test. He tends to act suicidal and has threatened it before. It scared me so much that I had him committed for a week. This was when he was diagnosed with mild depression and anger issues.

    He isn't at my home, he voluntarily left the first of this year. He mainly stays with his bio-dad or friends. I can't stop caring if he is sleeping in his car, or if he has food, or if he is physically alright. I don't think I ever want to become a mother who does not care. I am being firm in not letting him come home and its been awhile since I've given him anything at all. I guess I was just looking for people who have been in the same or similar situations as I am.
     
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was struck by the line in your post, "I don't think I ever want to become a mother who does not care." I think that is often the crux of our issues as Mom's of these kids, when we think of disengaging, detaching, stopping enabling, we think that means we don't care. I think we have to make a distinction between enabling and love. We enable when we do something for another when they can and should do it for themselves. We enable when we rob the other of the natural consequence of their behaviors which provide the learning ground for them to not repeat those mistakes. We enable when we give them what they should be earning on their own once they are an adult. And, through it all, we ALWAYS love them, but sometimes it must be from afar so that they can learn how to use their own wings to fly. This is a very hard way to love someone, however, we don't make those choices, our kids do.

    If you put to rest the idea that you are not a mother who doesn't care and replace it with you are a mother who cares enough to let your child fall down so he learns how to pick himself up, the guilt will lessen. Of course you will care if he is sleeping in his car, or has no food, but that is his choice now, not yours, and the ugly and sad part is, that we also have to live with their choices because their choices break our hearts. We all know how you feel, this is mindbogglingly difficult, fraught with so many overwhelming and often conflicting emotions, but, to continue giving him money only further inhibits his ability to get out there and find his own life.

    Yes, as I and many others can attest, this is the hardest thing any of us has ever done, without question. It's a place not one of us wants to be, and yet, it is what it is, we are here and we have to deal with it. My best advice to you is do your very best setting boundaries, which you are in the process of, and get yourself LOTS of support, a therapist, a group of some kind which deals with the same issues, Codependents anonymous a 12 step group, read books, keep posting here, take VERY good care of yourself because you will need to be strong and together to get through this. We're rootin' for you, hang in there, you're not alone..............(((HUGS))))


     
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Mild depression plus anger issues? Who did THAT diagnosis?

    Anger issues in the male species is extremely frequently a mask for serious depression.
    This is a kid with serious medical issues (heart problems) whose life got messed up (psychologically, being forced to home-school because of idiotic school policies tends to do that)... and you expect him to NOT be seriously depressed?

    Instead of treating him as lazy and a trouble maker... see the world through his eyes. in my opinion - based on the last two thirds of my difficult child's life - depression is a major, MAJOR threat and needs to be dealt with.

    But... it's a LOT harder once they graduate.
     
  9. StephAnn

    StephAnn New Member

    I do not treat him as if he is lazy or a trouble maker and if my statement about that came off as me treating him that way, I certainly did not mean it that way. I mean he has numerous people who love and support him, who help me in any way (other than cash) they can. I believe in my son and I believe he can do anything he sets his mind to. The lazy part comes from him having job interviews and time after time he just decides he doesn't want to go or he stays up all night when he knows he has to go to an interview the next morning. He makes excuse after excuse. I've gone so far as to call him a few hours before an interview to wake him and remind him and he will still miss it. When asked about his interviews later, he gets sullen and upset and there go the excuses as to why he missed this one or that one. I know he is capable of many things and getting out of bed and going to an interview could be a simple thing but he turns it into a major problem.

    He has seen several doctors and each one has said mild depression. His anger only comes up when he is confronted with getting a job, going to school, making his own life. That is why I made the statement that I feel a lot is due to his laziness. IF he got a decent job and made his own money his self esteem would certainly rise. It did when he got the last job and worked a few weeks, then he decided he could do better and quit. Now he has no job, no money and you don't dare ask about a job or he gets mad.

    I'd never treat him like his only problems are laziness and he has never been a troublemaker. I do see the world through his eyes, more than I could ever say.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have to disagree with IC. Depression (many have said mild) is not a good enough reason for him to abuse you. There is really no good reason for that. He is also too old to refuse to work, depression or not. Sounds like you are destroying the best years of your life (those golden years) to try to take care of a very unpleasant child.

    I have a child on the autism spectrum. If he treated me the way you son treats you, he'd be somewhere else. You are not obligated to take care of this young adult for the rest of him life. In fact, if you do, you will cripple him, destroy the rest of your life, and not have the time to spend with your other children. No adult child has the right to abuse any of us nor to refuse to work if he is capable of doing so. If he is very ill, there are group homes. I wouldn't put up with it. I do know it's hard, but it's his anger vs. you and the rest of your family. He CAN do something about his anger. Let him grow up. He won't even try to get a job living with you. He will get better self-esteem by working.

    JMO :)
     
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    MWM... I won't trade shoes for walking in, and haven't dealt with this in an adult...

    But for my difficult child, a list of subtle missed dxes was literally killing him. He actually CANNOT do what was being asked of him. Even now, when his peers have part-time and summer jobs, there's no way he can handle it. We fully expect he'll be closer to 25 before he is launched.

    However - having said that - if the problems don't get caught and addressed while they are still young enough that you have some say in the matter... what happens next becomes a very real dilemma.

    And I know intimately situations where the anger was taken as primary and the depression was downplayed by professionals, and... all we have left is a gravesite. This is not a guaranteed outcome. There is just no way to know for sure where the road will lead. Sometimes a hardline approach works... sometimes it doesn't.

    There is no easy or right answer. I really feel for parents who have to deal with these problems in adult children.
     
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Personally IC, I am probably going to hurt your feelings here but you are not a parent of an adult child so you have not walked a mile in our shoes. Most of on here have been through the ringer with this adult kids who refuse to grow up and mild depression as an excuse for domestic violence towards family just isnt an excuse that is gonna fly. It especially wont fly in a courtroom. You dont even want to know what happens to prisoners who are in prison for abusing their mothers. Its not a pretty outcome.

    As far as the original poster, you cannot blame yourself for any of this. You are not at fault and you are not doing this to him. Was it your fault when you sat on the side lines and bit your lip while he took those first steps and he had to learn to walk? Oh how you wanted to rush to his side so he never plopped down on his butt but you knew if you did that he would never learn to balance on his own and you would be carrying a 5 year old into kindergarten. No, parents sit there and watch our kids take those steps and fall down over and over again until they get the hang of it and take off on sturdy legs and then soon they are running! Its the same thing now. We have to push them out of the nest and give them the wings to fly. Of course they are going to fall and make mistakes. How else are they going to learn?

    Did you go straight from your parents home to buying a perfect home with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids and a dog? Or did you have to get struggle for a while and live in a dump and eat ramen noodles and pbj while you worked your way up? Most of us dont grow up with a nest egg that allows us to just walk out the door and into luxury. Be nice but...lol. Most of our difficult child's miss the idea that they have to work to get to where we are now. I know my son did. For some reason he completely blocked out his early years when we lived in dumps. Not that we live in luxury now. We just arent quite as bad off as we were.

    I will be honest here. The best thing I ever did for my son was put him out. He has thrived. He had his second baby 10 months ago and he hasnt asked us for one thing for this child. Not one pack of diapers, not one can of formula, nothing. Thats not to say I havent bought things for the baby because I do but its what I want to do, not what he asks for. I buy toys or clothes that I want to buy. Nothing he expects.
     
  13. StephAnn

    StephAnn New Member

    I think you hit the nail on the head somewhat with what I am going through and how he behaves: He does act like he should have everything we have worked for years to have, without having to go through what we did to get here. His anger only comes when we 'push' by asking about jobs, school, anything to do with him bettering himself. This is a horrible place to be for any parent of any aged child. It really just sucks.
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    IC, neither can Sonic. But he is in an assisted living program for work and on the waiting list for his own apartment and he feels good about himself for bringing home a paycheck. There are services for the disabled. We can't live forever and in my opinion it's best if we prepare our disabled kids to make it on their own. I don't know about Canada, of course, but the services in place for Sonic are awesome! :) The services are all FREE.

    I have had serious depression issues all my life. I didn't need any doctor to tell me that. I knew it. And although it did cause anger, it did not force me to scream and swear at those who loved me. I tried to work part time. I found good medications. I'm on SSDI now, but, thank god, I'm not 59 and still depending on my 88 yer old father!

    Janet, agree 100% with your post. It's different before the child is an adult rather than afterward and there is no excuse whatsoever for domestic abuse against a parent. None.
     
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    But most of us have been in your shoes. And we are tellilng you our experiences. Then what you want to do is really up to you :) You are about my age. Do you ever want to be able to relax? I do. I worked hard to get to my senior years!!!! :)

    I suggest you make your son go to the Dept. of Workforce Development. They will find him an easy job he can handle, even possibly part time. Maybe he will qualify for disability. I personally think he probably explodes because he's playing you...he doesn't want to get a job or he's afraid to try to work so he knows he can get to you by acting up if you mention it. Does he expect to sit around all his life? If so, better get him disability fast, if he qualifies.
     
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Midwestmom....Cory exploded much more when he was home and not doing anything because he was bored and felt worthless. Working gives him a purpose. He feels more like a man. What young male adult really wants to still be nursing on mommy's boob when all his friends are either off at college or working full time and have their own apartments with all the good things that come with that. Cars, girlfriends, parties, etc. Who would want to meet a girl and say...well, I live with my mom so we can go home and have a bag of popcorn with mommy and watch Desperate Housewives.

    Granted most homes arent run like my boarding house...lmao. I have had every kid in my family move in and out with girlfriends and wives.
     
  17. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    It sounds like he has a situational depression. His life stinks, and he's angry. I walked in your shoes, my son was very violent and diagnosed with ODD, he wouldn't work. We thew him out- I hate to say it like that because it sounds so cruel. We had to, he had no desire for anything because he always had everything right here. He had to actually be put in that position to want it. He was 18, he worked his way up to where he is now: a great job and loking Occupational Therapist (OT) buy a 3 bedroom home. (He doesn't want any roomates, he wants to buy a foreclosed on house.)

    This happened in very small steps. He did it himself only when we stopped all support. He lived in a fleabag boarding house at first. Now he can appreciate all he has. Your son can do it. He can have a great life, it's just begining, he needs a little push. That's all. Don't give him anything, that's his little push. (HUGS)
     
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi step -

    First of all - Welcome to the family. (((((huge hugs)))))) And as with any family - you can see we all have our own opinions, and thoughts, thought processes. While it can be a little eye brow raising to a newbie? I assure you everyone here has something of major value to contribue as far as life experience, being in the trenches, and coming out hopefully on the other side - about 1/2 sane. (lets not shoot for normal here - cause I haven't seen THAT in years)

    Your post said "I'm so stressed I feel sick." I don't think there is ANYONE here that can't relate to that, hasn't been through that in some way shape or form, and with a lot of parents here? You just pray for the day someone tells you "OKAY YOU- with the crazy hair, vacant expression, and blinking eyes - GET OUT OF THE TEA CUP - the Mad hatters ride is officially O...V...E..R..) but the sad reality of life is - Stress is going to come at us never ending. HOW we deal with that stress, those situations and process our feelings? ABSOLUTELY dictate how we move forward - and not stagnate in our lives OR for that matter be an example to our children that say (in a whiney voice) "OHhhh I'm falling apart, look what you are doing to me, I (drops to floor with arm bend over forehead) think I am having a heart attack from the things you do to me (peeks through another eye - OMG do you even care that an ambulance has to come get me (rolls around on floor clutching heart, gasping) and when you open the other eye - in this psuedo reality? YOUR son, MY son - HER daughter, his step daughter? Have been gone from the drama of YOUR reaction for ohhhh ummmm say 15 seconds after you first opened your mouth if not sooner. (see them inserting Ibuds, turning up volume on the Iphone YOU pay for, rolling eyes, haughityly stomping out of "YOUR HOUSE" while slamming YOUR door" and all of this was in an effort to get them to care () <------yup that much. But do they??? Nooooooope.

    And why? Well first of all - YOU need to take a self evaluation of YOURSELF. (and you are like ME? WTF did I do?) iT'S him/HER - THAT'S THE BOZO HERE. And while that statement is VERY TRUE......it seems that children mimic what they have seen, see or believe WILL get them THE.MOST. BANG. FOR. THEIR. BUCK. And ----dare I say - at his age? The good ship Mommytot - has sailed. I don't know what age my difficult child developed his own thinking mind - (thinks back - about 7 months old??? ---yeah I've had this a long time, cause he's 22) and I did EVERYTHING under the sun - to help him, to CHANGE him - or rather to FACILITATE change in himself. I begged, I cried, I had Residential Treatment Center (RTC), psychiatric hospitals, TOUGH love - hell I'm so well read that I bought a book shelf and DONATED the hundreds of books I had (plus board donations) to the State for underprivledged parents. Named the dang thing after my kid. Did the psychiatrists, the Tdocs the 65 medications, the group homes, the foster respites, the foster family help? hhhhhhmmmmmm yes and no.

    So WHAT is the magic key? (shrugs) Each child is different - and in THAT? I want you to know that like others have said - YOU did the best you could with what you knew and UNTIL you are able to accept THAT statement in your life - YOU WILL NEVER STOP - trying to FIX him, and never stop ENABLING him...and NEVER stop STRESSING YOURSELF OUT. Because after all ------this thread isn't about YOUR SON - it's about YOU - you said I AM SO STRESSED I FEEL SICK.....to me? That's a cry for help. A very good cry, a very good - reach out .......BRAVO BRAVE ONE - you're on the right path.

    Does that mean that what your kid does won't sicken you? Noooooooooope (pops the p with her mouth answering that)
    Does that mean that your kid will see YOUR example and think - OMG OMG I need to be on the right path? hmmmmmmm eventually we hope. (there is always HOPE - ALWAYS)
    Does that mean that your kid will hit the skids and cause you MORE heartache? ....AND THERE is the rub. Thats a question that YOU have to answer and figure out NOW before -------you end up like I did. Lemme see - I had a stroke, I gained 160 lbs, my hair fell out, I got diagnosis with a posisble brain tumor TWICE because of the reactions of stress, I ended up in the hospital 2x because of anti depressants that weren't right - and in the mean time? While my son was looking at 30 years to life - at 15 years old? I lost my job......DF had to have multiple surgeries.....I mean - (meah ) that's life...but I handled it ALL ON MY ATLAS sized shoulders and fell.

    What helped me most in detaching or the ART of war - as it's called in our home.......was LEARNING HOW - to do a few things that take time - ACCEPT my faults (so few, so few) snort. Accept that I can't change my son - but I CAN move forward without guilt...(very hard Moms are pre programmed for guilt) Learning to stop saying the words "I SHOULD HAVE" and accepting that WHAT I DID at that TIME was THE BEST I could do for my son, and myself and HAD I KNOWN BETTER? I would have done it differently - and not being angry at myself for NOT knowing differently. (acceptance) and that takes hard work, soul searching, and time - lots of time. Good news is - you are fixable.....I know this not because I'm a psychic - but because you are here - looking for help. REACHING OUT. ASKING - "THIS IS NOT WORKING (shoulda woulda coulda) NOW WHAT DO I DO?? (accepting that you can't fix everything) ----and getting HELP. NOW how to get that help?

    Well I HIGHLY recommend therapy. FIND a therapist you enjoy talking to - it's not going to be a comfortable thing at first. But make sure you are on the same page as far as family values. My therapist was a guy that used to doctor the prisioners within the prisons, and had faith but didn't plunge it down my throat. My ex was a sociopath/psychopath with Bipolar, alcholism, had drug problems and was over sexed. He was abusive, torturous and a 13 year marriage took 15 years in therapy to overcome. BUT while I was in therapy - I learned that I had issues from my childhood even though I had a great childhood. I was adopted and didn't even know that caused anger. Made me make poor choices.....weird huh? (and now I'm all well adjuseted - sticks tongue out turns head sideways and crosses eyes) yup adjusted, not normal. (sticks tongue out again- kinda to the right of the corner of my mouth like a crazy person would do - and GAWDE if you could see my hair - Einstein would be jealous this morning. NO NO Go away with your white coat foul hethan) Oh it was just my fiance with a sweater.

    So.....first things first - TAKING CARE OF BUSNIESS (or bineszz) say it however you like......is UP TO YOU. Because see NO ONE can take car of you...but you. No one can help you BUT YOU......and no one can get YOU to see that......hey wait - Read that again....now apply it to your son. Hmmmmmmm interesting hypothesis. Not? And yup he's going to screw up, and get his lumps but if he doesn't get them now? They get a lot harder, and a lot more expensive as he gets older - and if you deny him his lumps? THEN knowing what you know now? THEN you can say "WOW did I mess that up=======you have been told." Mk? Mk.

    DO NOT DENY THE BOY HIS LUMPS........help when he reaches out .......sincerely as you are now - but UNTIL THEN??????? LET lumpy get bumpy ........and Mom gets her life together and then kid M AY wonder - WTH happened to Mom? She doesn't cry like a little girl when I say "IF YOU DON't X I'm going to....z" -------

    and be warned - it' gets worse before it gets better - they REALLY reach into their bag of tricks when YOU start to change. UGH - I pass you my super uber thick - RHINO SKIN suit....you're gonna need it. But it will be worth it - give or take a few years. THAT depends on your kid and how much he likes lumps.

    HUGS & Love -(lumps removed to protect the nearly innocent)

    Star
     
  19. StephAnn

    StephAnn New Member

    Wow I want to thank all of you for your replies. I really appreciate each and everyone of them. I'm 47 years old, with four grown children, three daughters who are college educated professionals and I had hoped I'd have all four of them like that. My son and his behaviour has been shocking even if it has been in the making awhile. I will read and re-read all of your thoughts and do my best to put the wonderful advice more into practice. This last week I have tried to relax a lot more. I have had several very good conversations with my son and I can only pray things will be looking up slowly. I'm looking at a lot of changes in myself, for myself. Like feeling better about me, losing weight and getting fit again and yes doing something about this crazy hair of mine!

    Again thank you so much for just being here.
     
  20. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    (((((((((ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh HA)))))).......note to self (step ann the NEW girl has crazy hair like mine - coincidence?) I think NOT....(makes mark under column.....MY KID MAKES MY HAIR LOOK LIKE Phyllis Dillers)

    hhhmmmmm hmmmmmm. Good to know you're not sailing on the USS COMEBACK alone. - OH and about that weight? I lost 160 lbs once I had a good physical, found a nurse practitioner that gave a hang and STARTED to realize - the only elbow that bent to MY mouth? MINE. ------- I mean I dreeeeeeam about being spoon fed some exotic flavored yogurt by a strapping, tanned man (with duct tape over his mouth) but - the reality of the loss is - I had to be a loozer to be a winner. And since I don't watch myself in the mirror (contrary to popular belief) I figured it was all for my heath.....and that little wolf whistle from my fiance of 13 years. YEAH that was worth loosing every pound. Didn't get those and that little baseball hiney pat when I weighed 298.....he still LOVED me (of course - pft what's not to love??) but it WAS different. And I AM healthier. Wasn't worried so much about the weight because now I'm like a buck seventy - and MAN am I a sexy beast. DF said the sexiest thing about me is my mind. (that's good because after kids I have lap ta ta's)

    OKAY well on with PROJECT YOU!!!!!!!! NOW GET OUT THERE AND FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!!!!!!!!!! GO TEAM STEPHANN GOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo......(yup thats me - on the sidelines with the crazy hair shaking my pom pons.......) NOW you know you got friends......lol.
     
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