/sigh. Recap: Last summer, I detached. I gave up (or gave in to what I needed to do for my sanity). I stopped contact with my son. DONE. FINISHED. Read the books. Posted here, felt empowered because I knew deep down it was the RIGHT THING TO DO. My daughter commented not long after that happened that I was different. She could SEE the change in me- I wasn't always on edge, I wasn't always waiting on the other shoe to drop, I wasn't waiting to see what he stole from me NEXT, I wasn't always being badgered for money all the time. December 2014= find out that my son and his girlfriend were going to have a baby. I minimally became re-involved. Because- baby. First grandbaby. I had some life experiences myself that had made me make a promise to my kids YEARS ago (and myself) that what THEY went through as grandchildren (no interest) would never happen to MY grandchildren. No child asks to be born or knows the circumstances of their arriving in the world. NOT THE BABY'S FAULT. Fast forward- he lives with the girlfriend, leaves in March- moves in with his sister (my daughter). She can't take it anymore, and he leaves there and returns to the home with the girlfriend in July. Baby born in August. October, he leaves girlfriend's house again (admittedly, he needed to leave- she likes to hit and punch, and pinch, and choke, and all that) and goes to his sisters (they discussed ahead of time- I told her NOT to get involved, but I can't control that). Now, here we are- right back to where we were. Badgering the hell out of me for money, lying, arguing, yelling, threatening to keep my grandson away, being disrespectful. I told him last monday (he and his sister were arguing, I was out of town on business- they call me)- he doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. How can HE, who NEEDS help right now- how can he put demands or conditions on ANYONE? How stupid. I WISH I had had the help and support he has now back when I was QUITE LITERALLY alone and by myself trying to take care of TWO kids. How can HE feel like someone has to respect HIM and have no expectations of HIM when he NEEDS his sister right now. She has no OBLIGATION TO YOU SON. I have no obligation to you. The ones who try to do for you are the ones you treat the WORST. That boy would take my very last dollar if I'd give it to him. I KNOW I have to stop. I KNOW I do. He got mad last week at his sister and said he would just sleep in his car with his baby. (He keeps him overnight Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night, and Wednesday nights because she works the night shift). SLEEP IN THE CAR WITH YOUR BABY? ARE YOU SO SELFISH THAT RATHER THAN SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU WOULD DO THAT? I have no issue with detaching from HIM. I don't. I don't like him, I don't enjoy being around him (horrible, isn't it? He's my SON), my life was so much more peaceful when he wasn't a part of it. But (and I know I've posted about this before, I just have to work this out in my head) how do I detach from a FOUR MONTH OLD WHO HAS TWO PARENTS THAT AREN'T WORTH A DAMN? He's so innocent. So sweet. I have a couple of options in that regard- The enemy of my enemy is my friend. I can get on team girlfriend. She's easily persuaded. But I don't WANT to do that. Otherwise, I guess I'd have to lose sleep over what the baby is doing, how he is, and just give it to God. Because I'm going to have to call my son's bluff. I told him a long time ago that he'll need me LONG before I'll need him. That I'm a better advocate than adversary. I've become an enabler again. I don't like it. I know it's not the right thing to do. I know that it'll kill me and he'll just go on with life and start in on someone else. My daughter has given him a time to get out. January 31st. OUT. Why do they do this? Why? How have I raised a human who has (I believe) only pockets and moments of common decency. It's not who he is. He just cannot just be a nice person. Grateful. respectful.