I'm still fuming
- Thread starter tiredmommy
- Start date
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
I think the part that really bothers me is that it's such juvenile behavior but is so prevalent among adults. Most of Duckie's classmates/friends already understand that this sort of thing doesn't fly because it is extremely rude and disingenuous.
The part that made chuckle was that she seemed incredulous that I confronted her on it. In fact, she apparently called a mutual friend to complain that I hurt her feelings.
My friend was laughing when she told me because she got to say it was the mean girl that started it so what did she expect?
I have to laugh when someone behaves in a demeaning way to a person or a group of people and decides the best way to cover is to play victim. Grow up already! (My next reunion is sure to be fun, lol!)
The part that made chuckle was that she seemed incredulous that I confronted her on it. In fact, she apparently called a mutual friend to complain that I hurt her feelings.
My friend was laughing when she told me because she got to say it was the mean girl that started it so what did she expect?I have to laugh when someone behaves in a demeaning way to a person or a group of people and decides the best way to cover is to play victim. Grow up already! (My next reunion is sure to be fun, lol!)
rejectedmom
New Member
You did great. Was her name Julie by any chance? We all have people like that in our lives. But man does it feel good to put them in their right place.
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
No,her name is not Julie, lol! But I can think of few names to re-name her. 
witzend
Well-Known Member
Good for you! I have always been thin, and as a girl I was rail thin. Let me promise you, women may be jealous of thin women, but men like rounded women. So, when I was about 27, I went to a friend's funeral. JR was an honest and open friend, and would have stood up for anyone. I get into the aisle, and see our mutual friend KC in front of me. She was always brassy and kind of balding and 100 pounds overweight but she had many talents that most of us didn't have when we were younger. Mostly, the confidence that comes with being a wealthy child. She didn't say hello, didn't miss a beat andsaid, "Skinny as ever I see". I said, "Yep. Fat as ever, I see." Another friend thought we were coming to blows, but the truth is we were just marking our territory.
After the reception, she apologized profusely. "I had no idea that it wasn't ok to comment on your weight, or that you would take it as anything other than a compliment." I said, "Well, now you know. It's no more ok for you to comment on my weight than it is for me to comment on yours." End of story. Never saw her again, and don't care if I do. Even if I have gained 25 pounds and am now a more usual size for a woman my age. Still thin, but not "skinny". Who wants to be called "Skinny"? No one!
After the reception, she apologized profusely. "I had no idea that it wasn't ok to comment on your weight, or that you would take it as anything other than a compliment." I said, "Well, now you know. It's no more ok for you to comment on my weight than it is for me to comment on yours." End of story. Never saw her again, and don't care if I do. Even if I have gained 25 pounds and am now a more usual size for a woman my age. Still thin, but not "skinny". Who wants to be called "Skinny"? No one!
You Rock!!
It isn't a joke unless BOTH/ALL Parties are laughing. This is just bullying.
In my hs they were named Stephanie and Chelli and they kept FAR away from me because they KNEW I would dedicate an hour or six to getting absolute MOST unflattering pics of them possible and then put them in the yearbook. We had a surprisingly understanding yearbook teacher (it was actually a class, lol) and yes, we DID that. We called it Art. Even Modern Art. And at our last reunion they were STILL careful - the one who was catty to me was shocked as all get out when I replied to her nasty remark with "Well, at least I don't have to have major surgery every few years to keep a husband. What number is this one?" And yes, it WAS mean and NO I was NOT quiet and NO I don't regret it. Poor woman looks like a Plastic Surgery "Don't" poster - truly truly scary looking. It was one thing when she had her nose done for her 16th birthday because she did have an unfortunate nose and I am sure it caused some health problems.
For a kid who got good grades, had a pretty small circle of close friends, and didn't understand what the fuss about sports was, I was at a LOT of things and people learned to leave me alone because that camera I carried wasn't for show. It was always with me, this is too small a town for me to NOT find out where you live and easily stalk you until I had some unfortunate pics or ones that would get you in BIG trouble with your folks. I only actually did that twice, but the mean kids took notice and ignored me, which was EXACTLY what I wanted.
by the way, a few years ago the bizarre high school "museum" that our town has (WHY? I have NO clue, seriously, who wants to do that again?) asked to borrow my old negatives. The person in charge has printed quite a few of those pics and used them at reunions because those people are STILL picking on people. I do have a book wiht the worst, which is good because the jerks "lost" a huge book of negatives. And the guy who borrowed them is a cop. So I trusted him, which did mean at the reunion 5 yrs later ALLLLLLLLLLLL those pics of him with a bong or rolling a joint or smoking one between the buildings somehow mysteriously made it into the slide show. There were about 20 of them and boy did he have some 'splainin' to do to his boss, who also got copies. I still don't have my film back but he gets weekly drugs tests. For life. Or fired. Since he was the biggest druggie in town and the first few yrs he was a cop he was still dealing, well, he hates me. Not. My. Problem. Because I have far newer pics of his drug use - and he KNOWS it. because I sent copies after he had me pulled over 10 times in 5 days. Suddenly I had no tickets at all. Isn't that fun? Small town police forces are STRANGE.
I am sorry that this poor woman never learned that what she is doing hurts people. Sadly, she may be the target of that from siblings or other family members. We had a family down the street when I was little who was like that. They had six girls and one boy and he was untouchable and hideous as a human being and the girls were the absolute meanest people I ever met, but they were mostly each other's main targets and their dad and mom thought it was hilarious. Their youngest was mean to anyone younger because that was what she thought people did. Ick. So I never was too mean back to their little sister because she was being raised by mean wolves, NOT people.
It isn't a joke unless BOTH/ALL Parties are laughing. This is just bullying.
In my hs they were named Stephanie and Chelli and they kept FAR away from me because they KNEW I would dedicate an hour or six to getting absolute MOST unflattering pics of them possible and then put them in the yearbook. We had a surprisingly understanding yearbook teacher (it was actually a class, lol) and yes, we DID that. We called it Art. Even Modern Art. And at our last reunion they were STILL careful - the one who was catty to me was shocked as all get out when I replied to her nasty remark with "Well, at least I don't have to have major surgery every few years to keep a husband. What number is this one?" And yes, it WAS mean and NO I was NOT quiet and NO I don't regret it. Poor woman looks like a Plastic Surgery "Don't" poster - truly truly scary looking. It was one thing when she had her nose done for her 16th birthday because she did have an unfortunate nose and I am sure it caused some health problems.
For a kid who got good grades, had a pretty small circle of close friends, and didn't understand what the fuss about sports was, I was at a LOT of things and people learned to leave me alone because that camera I carried wasn't for show. It was always with me, this is too small a town for me to NOT find out where you live and easily stalk you until I had some unfortunate pics or ones that would get you in BIG trouble with your folks. I only actually did that twice, but the mean kids took notice and ignored me, which was EXACTLY what I wanted.
by the way, a few years ago the bizarre high school "museum" that our town has (WHY? I have NO clue, seriously, who wants to do that again?) asked to borrow my old negatives. The person in charge has printed quite a few of those pics and used them at reunions because those people are STILL picking on people. I do have a book wiht the worst, which is good because the jerks "lost" a huge book of negatives. And the guy who borrowed them is a cop. So I trusted him, which did mean at the reunion 5 yrs later ALLLLLLLLLLLL those pics of him with a bong or rolling a joint or smoking one between the buildings somehow mysteriously made it into the slide show. There were about 20 of them and boy did he have some 'splainin' to do to his boss, who also got copies. I still don't have my film back but he gets weekly drugs tests. For life. Or fired. Since he was the biggest druggie in town and the first few yrs he was a cop he was still dealing, well, he hates me. Not. My. Problem. Because I have far newer pics of his drug use - and he KNOWS it. because I sent copies after he had me pulled over 10 times in 5 days. Suddenly I had no tickets at all. Isn't that fun? Small town police forces are STRANGE.
I am sorry that this poor woman never learned that what she is doing hurts people. Sadly, she may be the target of that from siblings or other family members. We had a family down the street when I was little who was like that. They had six girls and one boy and he was untouchable and hideous as a human being and the girls were the absolute meanest people I ever met, but they were mostly each other's main targets and their dad and mom thought it was hilarious. Their youngest was mean to anyone younger because that was what she thought people did. Ick. So I never was too mean back to their little sister because she was being raised by mean wolves, NOT people.
Fran
Former desparate mom
I am shocked someone would say something like that!!!! I give you lots of credit for having a response that was quick and to the point. I would have melted in embarassment. Way To Go!! You are my hero.
People who hurt then say they are joking are just as devious as those whose children are bullies and say "boys will be boys" or "you know kids are like that". No matter what hurt is inflicted there is a justification to some people.
I hope we all can make people who are hurtful with their words be accountable.
People who hurt then say they are joking are just as devious as those whose children are bullies and say "boys will be boys" or "you know kids are like that". No matter what hurt is inflicted there is a justification to some people.
I hope we all can make people who are hurtful with their words be accountable.
lovemysons
Well-Known Member
Hi Fran! It's so good to "see" you.
My thought is don't start it...but if you have to, finish it!
My thought is don't start it...but if you have to, finish it!
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Fran very good to see you! Are you enjoying this very mild NC winter? I have no idea what has happened this year but it seems Old Man Winter seems to have passed us by!
Suz
(the future) MRS. GERE
I used to work for a woman who would say to peers, staff, board members, etc, "I'm not trying to be mean, but..." and then launch into the most outrageous insults and she was always genuinely surprised when people took offense. I came to the conclusion that some people are just complete idiots when it comes to human decency.
Kudos to you for having the presence of mind to think of a comment. I hope you have some satisfaction knowing via your mutual friend that you permeated her thick skull...at least a little bit.
Suz
Kudos to you for having the presence of mind to think of a comment. I hope you have some satisfaction knowing via your mutual friend that you permeated her thick skull...at least a little bit.
Suz
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Hi Suz...I know a lot of people like that too. How are you doing?
DDD
Well-Known Member
The true victory, in my humble opinion, is filing it away in your brain (or your heart) so she has no risidual effect on a moment in your life. You were right on target with your response. I hope you are comfortable with the idea that you were right, she was wrong...and she doesn't impact your life. Hugs. DDD
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
You know, ladies, it may be because I'm from around Buffalo, NY but I feel compelled to say "It ain't over yet"!
Fran
Former desparate mom
TM, I laughed when I read this. My Pittsburgh roots says the same thing. I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. My daffodils are starting to bud and the trees are starting to get little buds. It has been a week of almost cloudless skies and pleasant temps during the day but cold at night. Just like you would expect in late March or April around here. It makes me really worried about a brutal summer. Guess I'll just go with the flow.
