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I'm Terrified.
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<blockquote data-quote="bran155" data-source="post: 179563"><p>Hello and welcome, you have found a wonderful place to connect with people who truly know what your life is like. You will love it here. </p><p></p><p>The beginning of this journey is always the hardest. You said it best, you are grieving the loss of your perfect son. That is exactly how I felt many years ago at the start of all of this chaos. This life is very difficult and heartbreaking. You are not alone, we all have felt or still feel the same emotions that are consuming you right now. I too feel horrible guilt for my difficult child's illness. I dont have mental illness myself, but somehow feel responsible for my daughters. That will get much easier to deal with. It will subside with time. I promise. I used to be suffocated by the guilt, I have learned to detach more and free myself of some of the guilt (not all of it). Even though none of us are at fault, I think it is natural for moms to feel badly about not being able to "fix" our sick children. </p><p></p><p>I think all moms sacrifice alot for their children, however moms like us have had to give up alot more than the average mom!! I too have lost so much in my life due to my daughters behaviors. I still dread going out in public with her, the looks of strangers as she is cursing me out in the mall because I wont buy her hundred dollar jeans or the rage she goes into because someone across the street is looking at her. After many years of dealing with this I still feel the need to tell the world not to hate my poor child, not to judge her because she is sick. I have trouble letting that go. I mean I cant walk around with her forever and cushion the blow. I feel like you, people will never get to see the wonderful person she really is and that hurts. You know what - it takes a special kind of mom to raise a child with mental illness and for some reason we were the chosen ones. We are warrior moms!!</p><p></p><p>Glad you found this site, you are in good company. Hang in there and God bless.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bran155, post: 179563"] Hello and welcome, you have found a wonderful place to connect with people who truly know what your life is like. You will love it here. The beginning of this journey is always the hardest. You said it best, you are grieving the loss of your perfect son. That is exactly how I felt many years ago at the start of all of this chaos. This life is very difficult and heartbreaking. You are not alone, we all have felt or still feel the same emotions that are consuming you right now. I too feel horrible guilt for my difficult child's illness. I dont have mental illness myself, but somehow feel responsible for my daughters. That will get much easier to deal with. It will subside with time. I promise. I used to be suffocated by the guilt, I have learned to detach more and free myself of some of the guilt (not all of it). Even though none of us are at fault, I think it is natural for moms to feel badly about not being able to "fix" our sick children. I think all moms sacrifice alot for their children, however moms like us have had to give up alot more than the average mom!! I too have lost so much in my life due to my daughters behaviors. I still dread going out in public with her, the looks of strangers as she is cursing me out in the mall because I wont buy her hundred dollar jeans or the rage she goes into because someone across the street is looking at her. After many years of dealing with this I still feel the need to tell the world not to hate my poor child, not to judge her because she is sick. I have trouble letting that go. I mean I cant walk around with her forever and cushion the blow. I feel like you, people will never get to see the wonderful person she really is and that hurts. You know what - it takes a special kind of mom to raise a child with mental illness and for some reason we were the chosen ones. We are warrior moms!! Glad you found this site, you are in good company. Hang in there and God bless.:) [/QUOTE]
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