I'm the difficult child

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Liahona, Sep 8, 2013.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Yep, I'm the one in m y family that rocks the boat. My parents are in town as are a few of my siblings. They are spending half a month here. They will see their grandkids (my kids) a grand total of 3 times. It is hurting my kids. Yesterday my mom came to my house took her favorite (difficult child 1) and left the others. They were devestated. I was livid and I sent a text msg saying how much she hurt the other kids. Yep. By doing so I rocked the boat. Now they are talking about me when I'm not there, ignoring husband completely, and the last family party (the third and last time for grandkid interaction) was tense/unpleasant. My kids really want her attention but she just doesn't seem to care. Those articles on detachment in the PE forum hit kinda close to home for me. From my mom's perspective I'm the problem for bringing unpleasant emotions front and center.

    In case you were wondering I was very respectful in that text msg but very to the point. And husband was wonderful trying to distract them. I let difficult child 1 go because if I hadn't (after she showed up without talking to me first) I would've had difficult child 1 melting down on top of the other kids upset.

    Thanks for letting me vent. I have no one else to talk to about this.
  2. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    I'm the difficult child according to my mom. I bring up things she doesn't want to talk about. She accuses me of things only a pretty bad person would do with no reason why. And generally believes I was put on this earth to p her off.

    I also had to call her a week or so ago because she only talked to tk on the phone and left boyo screaming in the back ground about wanting to talk to grandma on a dead line. I called her back and told her she had another grand child who she hadn't spoken to in forever and she was required to talk to him for at least a minute or two. And she did. But I don't play favorite games with anyone in my family, tk is everyone's favorite since Boyo was born he's gotten short changed by my family and Ex's
    Family I actually made an announcement that if Tk received more presents than Boyo Then I would not give the presents out and would return them in the mail. He's old enough to notice the preferential treatment, and when Tk's pile is 3 times as large as his he notices. And to be honest Tk's presents are more expensive than toddler toys there is no reason to lavish one child and ignore another. I'm sure people think I am illogical or unfair but there is no reason to dislike a toddler who is the better behaved of the two! It makes me so angry. You aren't alone Lia!
  3. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I'm in good company than. With all the stuff we deal with it isn't fair to get it from adults who should (and do) know better.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm the difficult child-in-law who poisoned mother in law's son's mind away from her. Of course... So was Belle & Rose's bio and Butch's bio, too. I don't suppose she will ever notice that she is the one with the issue. (And I tried, believe you me!)

    father in law sees me as the best "Mrs." between him and husband - of 6. Whew.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry, hon. I know you are much younger than me and I will never forget the hurt of my mother's favortism toward my brother a nd sister and how she gave up on me, not even ever meeting my two youngest children. She saw Julie, who is now 29, when she was six years old and never saw any of my kids again. Her reason was that I was a terrible person and that she doesn't like my husband who would stick up for me. Maybe he shouldn't have stuck up for me, but he would take up for me when my mother called me names and told me how deficient I was. She refused to come to our wedding (I lived with husband before we married).

    Often being a difficult child means you see the problems in the family and perhaps talk about them and that sets everyone on edge. I was THAT sort of difficult child. Plus I always played by my own rules. I didn't help myself much with my family, but I'm not particularly sorry that I didn't. They were in my opinion pretty awful and dysfunctional. Perhaps that is like you.

    Please, as bad as you feel, don't take your mother's actions personally. Her actions are fueled by her own dirty garbage from the past. It isn't your fault and you are a GOOD mother.

    Sending major hugs. I'd be honored to have a daughter like you. A good daughter cares about the feelings of ALL of her children. Your mom is deliberately causing trouble and acting like it's your fault when you point it out.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My mom played favorites too. I always said she wanted everything from me including my first born son. I have wondered if she wanted a boy instead of the girl she got stuck with..who knows.

    Even my oldest noticed that he got a whole lot more toys than his brothers did. My mom would buy him lavish gifts and give the other two a box with 5 matchbox cars in it.
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Thanks guys. I'm feeling much better now. She is gone. It is nice to know I'm not alone.

    And I think you are right, I am the only one willing to talk about certain subjects. If she had done that to any of my siblings kids I doubt they would've said anything.