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Im the worst
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<blockquote data-quote="Diabolique" data-source="post: 172668" data-attributes="member: 5512"><p>Hi, barbiealonso --</p><p> </p><p>I wish I had sage words of advice for you, but it sounds like you and I are in the same boat with our sons. My son hasn't been evaluated yet, I'm in the process of working that out. I have realized that I need to get myself together first -- right now I'm so depressed and have so little control over my emotions that I need to get myself on more stable ground before I can help my son. I am going in this morning to talk to a psychiatrist and start the process of gluing myelf back together again so that I am able to do what I need to do to help Noah. I will also be scheduling my son at the same facility to see if we can begin to figure out what's wrong with my son. </p><p> </p><p>I know what you mean about "not liking" your son; I am right there with you. I love my son, he is the air I breathe and I would take a bullet to save a hair on his head. However, there are times when I don't like him very much and that really makes me feel awful. I live on guilt. I eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and I snack on it between meals. My son also doesn't listen and he fights me on literally everything. I don't even know how many meltdowns I endured yesterday and I feel like I cannot do anything to please this child. He says horrible things to me on a daily basis. I can't take him anywhere anymore because I can't stand him having meltdowns in public and hearing people say things like <em>That kid needs a good smack upside the head.</em> When I try to take him to the park, there are parents who load their kids up in the car when they see my son coming because they've been at the park when we've been there before. They would rather take their own kids out of the park than be there when my son is there. It's awful. Noah is forever running around the house tormenting our 3 dogs and it's a wonder that he has not been seriously injured by any of them because he is just relentless. My son is so loud that my ears are constantly ringing and nothing I've tried succeeds in getting him to lower his voice. And, he talks (yells, really) constantly. Like you, I cannot have phone conversations when he is around...and forget having a conversation with his father when we are all home. Impossible. I am engaged in battle all the time and am so worn down that I'm barely functioning. I know how you feel. We can love them with everything we have and still not like them very much at times. </p><p> </p><p>I highly doubt that you are the worst mother in the world (maybe I am? lol). You are here because you are seeking help and advice, which the worst mother in the world wouldn't do. The worst mother in the world might hop in the car and just bail out when the going gets tough, and you're not doing that. Take some small comfort in the fact that you are working hard to find answers and possible solutions. We can only ever do the best we can do at any given moment. Some moments are better than others and it's hard (impossible, maybe) to be on top of our parenting game 100% of the time. I think that would be the case even if we were parenting "typical" kids. </p><p> </p><p>Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know that's easier said than done... I struggle with it myself. </p><p> </p><p>As I said, I wish I had sage words for you, but I don't. From one beat up mom to another, I hope that we can both find the answers we're hoping to find. In the meantime, I send you {{{{hugs}}}}. You're not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Diabolique, post: 172668, member: 5512"] Hi, barbiealonso -- I wish I had sage words of advice for you, but it sounds like you and I are in the same boat with our sons. My son hasn't been evaluated yet, I'm in the process of working that out. I have realized that I need to get myself together first -- right now I'm so depressed and have so little control over my emotions that I need to get myself on more stable ground before I can help my son. I am going in this morning to talk to a psychiatrist and start the process of gluing myelf back together again so that I am able to do what I need to do to help Noah. I will also be scheduling my son at the same facility to see if we can begin to figure out what's wrong with my son. I know what you mean about "not liking" your son; I am right there with you. I love my son, he is the air I breathe and I would take a bullet to save a hair on his head. However, there are times when I don't like him very much and that really makes me feel awful. I live on guilt. I eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and I snack on it between meals. My son also doesn't listen and he fights me on literally everything. I don't even know how many meltdowns I endured yesterday and I feel like I cannot do anything to please this child. He says horrible things to me on a daily basis. I can't take him anywhere anymore because I can't stand him having meltdowns in public and hearing people say things like [I]That kid needs a good smack upside the head.[/I] When I try to take him to the park, there are parents who load their kids up in the car when they see my son coming because they've been at the park when we've been there before. They would rather take their own kids out of the park than be there when my son is there. It's awful. Noah is forever running around the house tormenting our 3 dogs and it's a wonder that he has not been seriously injured by any of them because he is just relentless. My son is so loud that my ears are constantly ringing and nothing I've tried succeeds in getting him to lower his voice. And, he talks (yells, really) constantly. Like you, I cannot have phone conversations when he is around...and forget having a conversation with his father when we are all home. Impossible. I am engaged in battle all the time and am so worn down that I'm barely functioning. I know how you feel. We can love them with everything we have and still not like them very much at times. I highly doubt that you are the worst mother in the world (maybe I am? lol). You are here because you are seeking help and advice, which the worst mother in the world wouldn't do. The worst mother in the world might hop in the car and just bail out when the going gets tough, and you're not doing that. Take some small comfort in the fact that you are working hard to find answers and possible solutions. We can only ever do the best we can do at any given moment. Some moments are better than others and it's hard (impossible, maybe) to be on top of our parenting game 100% of the time. I think that would be the case even if we were parenting "typical" kids. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know that's easier said than done... I struggle with it myself. As I said, I wish I had sage words for you, but I don't. From one beat up mom to another, I hope that we can both find the answers we're hoping to find. In the meantime, I send you {{{{hugs}}}}. You're not alone. [/QUOTE]
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