I'm tired :-(

buddy

New Member
by the way, I know this process can be overwhelming. I have used advocates from ARC (they are across the US) and PACER (which has a website that can offer amazing ideas) which you may need to take in little by little as issues come up. PACER is a parent advocacy group that does national outreach and education and they know the laws in each state though they are based in MN. I have added in my son's IEP: Due to (names) diagnosis of Autism and Acquired Brain Injury, he is not able to follow school conduct codes and policies as written. All discipline/consequences will be discussed on a case by case basis including the special needs IEP team. I was given this suggestion at a PACER conference when IDEA (the special needs law) was coming up for renewal several years ago. It was a response to all of the zero tolerance discussions. Just sharing if it helps anyone.

Buddy
me- currently a stay at home mom to 14 yr old adopted son who is on the autism spectrum (high functioning) and has an acquired brain injury-ABI. He can be verbally and/or physically aggressive at times. Can rage and is impulsive. After many years we have a great medical, home and school team that works together...but we never let our guard down!
 

forkeeps251

Member
First, thanks so much to everyone who has commented and given advice. I'm much saner now because of it than when the school year started :)
Today we had the first step towards getting difficult child some help, and that was the ARD meeting with the speech therapist, as well as the vice principal, his teacher, another lady (I wasn't sure who she was), and the school psychologist.
Overall if was a very positive meeting. It didn't accomplish a LOT, because this was pretty much just setting up a behavior plan for the school. He has been evaluated by the psychologist and she said she noticed three major issues that is he having: physical aggression, verbal aggression, and non-compliance. She said that she did note that he may have some sensory issues, as well as social problems (that actually suprised me!). And the teacher and VP also said that they had noticed him pulling and chewing on his shirt as well.
The behavior plan we are going to use is pretty much setting up rewards (or stickers or a points system), so that he can be rewarded or praised every time he does something that is good. Every time he shares nicely, every time he walks in the hall correctly, etc. Currently we are just doing an "end of the day" sort of thing, where the only feedback given is something like "Today difficult child hit another student". Basically the bad behaviors don't negate the good behaviors now, if that makes sense. The way my husband put it was "So we treat good behavior just like bad behavior", meaning that we recognize it immediatly and reward it by itself (like we would reprimand bad behavior immediatly). The teacher will be adding another page that she sends home everyday, with maybe stars or points to use to earn rewards, for example if he shares with his friends, he gets a star. If he walks correctly in the hallway, a star. And then he would have a reward after he earns so many stars or stickers or points or whatever. This is an 8 week plan that we will re-evaluate at a later date.
I guess I thought that maybe they would say something like "maybe you ought to get him tested for (insert something here)", or "we saw some behaviors consistent with one who has (such and such)", but my mom tells me that unless I ask that outright, they can't say anything like that. Not that it really matters, because the only thing we could do is have him seen by a medical professional, which we are working on doing anyway.
Like I mentioned in another post, we've set up appointments later on this month and next month for play therapy. After that is over, hopefully they will recommend he be evaluated by someone else. If not, then it is on the the child study center.
I think the major benefit of what will come today is that it will be easier on difficult child and on us as a family. It is hard to have to constantly give negative feedback, but we never had anything to reward him for since all we heard about was the negative. Hopefully it will also give him some confidence, and lessen his anxiety about school as well. Just this morning he told me "I never have good days", and sounded so defeated, so I'm happy that I will have a reason now to give him some positive reinforcement.
Next step: play therapy.
 

forkeeps251

Member
Oh, one more thing... when I mentioned play therapy, I thought the school psychologist acted a little odd. She almost had a suprised look on her face and didn't say anything about it, and I think my mom picked up on it too, because before it was over she asked the school psychologist if she thought that play therapy was a good idea, and she replied "oh absolutly". That was the only kind of weird thing that came up.
 

keista

New Member
Yes. Focusing on the positive and essentially "ignoring" the negatives is a very good technique. Boosts confidence and self esteem and creates a general "I CAN do this" attitude.
 

buddy

New Member
Oh so nice you are happy with the outcome. I was thinking one other reason they didn't bring up additional testing is that some districts have a process of needing X number of interventions before going to the child study team. It helps weed out those that can have success with more general education support. in any event something positive is being done, and if you see it going south fast you can call a meeting any time so.....

Best of everything with your upcoming appointments. I hope you keep us informed about how it is going. I am sure we can learn from you. Ta, for now...
 

VagabondDreamer

New Member
<---also VERY tired. I am at a loss as far as how to punish/reward my son too. Nothing seems to really work, at least not for more than a couple days. For example, I got a phone call from the bus driver this morning stating that he had to tell me son 4 times to sit down and turn around. Her had to have him move to the front of the bus. And my son hit someone. Then, I get a phone call from the school guidance counselor stating that he had a WONDERFUL day at school today. One of the best in a long time! Then 15 minutes later (10 minutes into latchkey) I get a phone call from the YMCA staff that my son is not listening, crawling under tables, throwing toys, and running away from them. How do you reward excellent school behavior and discipline the poor behavior at the same time?
 
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