im upset..do i have a right to be?

[nateisnuts]

As i said in my previous post, difficult child is 3 and has aged out of early intervention. the caiu reffered us to behavioral health and we had his (3rd) evaluation at the beginning of june. then this past thursday the coordinator and the behavior specialist came to the house for the initial meeting. now, i had not been given the opportunity to see the written evaluation prior to this, and it was handed to me at this meeting in the midst of explaining services and telling me that we could get a re evaluation in 2 months and so on. so this is probably partially my fault.....i didnt immediatley stop and read it. i read it after they left. its taken me this long to calm down and be able to post about it. and here's where i say ok maybe im over reacting or taking things too personal. she listed diagnosis 1 as disruptive behavior disorder not otherwise specified, but then for diagnosis 2 she put "parent-child relational problem". correct me if im wrong.....but isnt that what would be expected with a child like this! of course there are relational problems!! my difficult child is having problems, wont or cant listen, breaks things, cant sit in a cart at a store, cant even play with other kids without there being a problem, yells and screams if he doesnt get what he wants within a millisecond of demanding it, cant sleep good, wont stay in his carseat.....wouldnt you have relational problems too??!?!?! maybe i shouldnt have been so honest about my frustration, but i thought we were trying to get help! now i feel like ive been labeled "the problem" and they are gonna be looking at me and not giving him the attention and help he needs. my mom has been there done that with both my brother and sister ( bro is bi polar and sis is mild mr and adhd, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), odd) so shes been my biggest support with all this. she's told me we need to tread lightly here cause theyve had similiar problems with people not seeing the whole picture. i feel very frustrated with this whole situation.

 

[Sara PA]

Oh honey, welcome to the club. We all get that at some time or the other.

I got it when my son tried to kill himself because his psychiatrist couldn't -- or wouldn't -- recognize an adverse reaction to an antidepressant. My son didn't get better with the doctor's treatment so the only possible answer was my relationship with him.

Now, that doesn't mean we can't learn new parenting techniques that might enable us to handle our kids better. I started a thread about it over in General. You might find it interesting.

by the way, my son was 16 when he read that evaluation by the doctor. He was so outraged that the doctor blamed me that he refused to see her again so we fired her.

 

[tiredmommy]

This is possibly the most frustrating part of parenting a difficult child. The only thing that has helped me cope is knowing I would walk on hot coals to help my daughter. That being said, my advice is to prove them wrong by taking their suggestions, document and clarify everything. FWIW, our family doctor & the psychologist became very concerned when I asked about parenting classes or anything else they could think of because they knew I was willing to change myself if I were the problem. They realized that it was most likely Duckie with the issues and not me. They also saw a mother that was desperate for help with her daughter and there was no mention of blaming me or me possibly being a hysterical mother. A caveat, though, is that you must keep your emotions in check and keep the focus on the child's needs.

 

[nateisnuts]

thanks ladies, ive calmed down a bit now, had another talk with my mom and she said the same thing, keep my cool, cooperate and document everything i can about what hes doing and what we are doing also. im curious to see what happens on tuesday when i let the bs know that we are not going to reduce what little space he has and we will not contain, or whatever word she thinks fits, him for time out either. im hoping that if shes truly here to help us and him that these suggestions can be adapted to something we are willing to use/try Know what I mean??

 

[barbie]

how do you calm down, what do you do, deep breathing, cry what, cause Im right there with you girl and I dont know what else or how much more Im supposed to bend before I break

 

[SRL]

What are the credentials of this behavioral specialist that she is able to give out diagnositic labels?

I've been here for 5 years and Parent-Child Relationship problem is a new one on me. I checked it out and there really is such a category in the curent DSM-IV, which is the manual used for diagnosing and coding mental health and some neurolocal issues.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think it's a judgement on your parenting. Looking at the description I think it's a diagnostic code used mostly in the counseling realm. It's right alongside there with sibling relationship problems and spouse relationship problems.

You will want to ask for a clarification to be sure.

 

[nateisnuts]

Barbiealonso~I drink! lol sorry, only half kidding i get on the computer, go hide in the bathroom, if someone else is here i find an excuse to go to the store, anything to get away from the situation. sometimes it actually works lol sometimes it doesnt and someone, usually hubby gets the brunt of my stress and attitude for awhile. the really sad thing is that its become a norm around here, and i really dont want it to be that way. so maybe someone else can give BOTH of us some better advice lol

 

[barbie]

I sure do hope so, cause no matter how deep I breathe, all I get is lungs full of air, no calmer.