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I'm very scared
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<blockquote data-quote="barneysmom" data-source="post: 383637" data-attributes="member: 1872"><p>Sharon,</p><p></p><p>Coming in late. I feel such a soft heart for your easy child/difficult child. Adolescence is so hard for our kids, I read that the adolescent brain is very busy re-pruning itself in preparation for adulthood. Especially hard if there is a mood disorder on board, plus adoption issues hit with a bang in adolescents, at least they did in our house. Plus kids with "issues" can be behind in maturity because of all the other stuff they have had to deal with.</p><p></p><p>Regarding feeling like a failure -- I never felt like a failure because I knew for sure that I had done everything for my kids. Then I figured out that this was what was truly horrifying -- I did everything <u>right</u>, often at quite a cost to my person-hood and my health, and things still went down the toilet in a big way. And that any control I thought I had, over the years, was simply an illusion. This was the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn. My brain would only allow me to absorb this information a little bit at a time until I finally understood that my diligence wasn't guaranteed to influence the outcome all that much. </p><p></p><p>So --- you are right to be scared. It is terrifying isn't it? It's reality though. And it's nothing you could have controlled. </p><p></p><p>I'm still getting used to reality and I'm still pretty much terrified on a regular basis. I haven't posted for awhile (too terrified :~)) </p><p></p><p>Some of what your easy child/difficult child is saying, is typical teen but so intensified by the other stuff -- major disrespect, anger are so typical teen but become hugely fueled by the other issues. Also some depression is typical teen and feeling like a disappointment if not living up to the cultural "standard" of what a teen is supposed to be like.</p><p></p><p>If she doesn't graduate -- maybe that will be OK. I think she would have done the work if she could have. Maybe she just cannot do it right now. Maybe you will have to let go of thinking of her as a easy child (maybe she knows she used to be a easy child and can't do it anymore). I did this with gfg13 -- he used to be a easy child, now he is a huge difficult child. </p><p></p><p>Having two difficult child's is really terrifying :~) but it will get easier as you wrap your mind around it -- as the denial slowly wears off . . . . :~)</p><p></p><p>You will be able to guide your daughter through this, doing the thing you do best, which is loving her, the same as you've been doing all along. </p><p></p><p>HTH some.</p><p></p><p>Jo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="barneysmom, post: 383637, member: 1872"] Sharon, Coming in late. I feel such a soft heart for your easy child/difficult child. Adolescence is so hard for our kids, I read that the adolescent brain is very busy re-pruning itself in preparation for adulthood. Especially hard if there is a mood disorder on board, plus adoption issues hit with a bang in adolescents, at least they did in our house. Plus kids with "issues" can be behind in maturity because of all the other stuff they have had to deal with. Regarding feeling like a failure -- I never felt like a failure because I knew for sure that I had done everything for my kids. Then I figured out that this was what was truly horrifying -- I did everything [U]right[/U], often at quite a cost to my person-hood and my health, and things still went down the toilet in a big way. And that any control I thought I had, over the years, was simply an illusion. This was the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn. My brain would only allow me to absorb this information a little bit at a time until I finally understood that my diligence wasn't guaranteed to influence the outcome all that much. So --- you are right to be scared. It is terrifying isn't it? It's reality though. And it's nothing you could have controlled. I'm still getting used to reality and I'm still pretty much terrified on a regular basis. I haven't posted for awhile (too terrified :~)) Some of what your easy child/difficult child is saying, is typical teen but so intensified by the other stuff -- major disrespect, anger are so typical teen but become hugely fueled by the other issues. Also some depression is typical teen and feeling like a disappointment if not living up to the cultural "standard" of what a teen is supposed to be like. If she doesn't graduate -- maybe that will be OK. I think she would have done the work if she could have. Maybe she just cannot do it right now. Maybe you will have to let go of thinking of her as a easy child (maybe she knows she used to be a easy child and can't do it anymore). I did this with gfg13 -- he used to be a easy child, now he is a huge difficult child. Having two difficult child's is really terrifying :~) but it will get easier as you wrap your mind around it -- as the denial slowly wears off . . . . :~) You will be able to guide your daughter through this, doing the thing you do best, which is loving her, the same as you've been doing all along. HTH some. Jo [/QUOTE]
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