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General Parenting
In a bad place...does anyone have a crystal ball?
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 147951" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>I am so sorry about your dad. How that must hurt.</p><p> </p><p>I can imagine what you must have felt, looking at those report cards and having your mom comment. I felt like I was right there with you.</p><p> </p><p>In regard to your questions:</p><p><em>"Will he end up like Dad?"</em> Not necessarily. In fact, probably not. I agree with-several people here on that issue.</p><p><em>"How can I prevent him from ending up like Dad?" </em></p><p>You're already in counseling and as several people pointed out, we have resources now that your dad never had as a child. You may want to bring up the issue of your dad's death at your next session and spend the entire 45 min. on just that. See what your son says and feed him ideas to get that part of his brain working. </p><p><em>"Do I really have any control over this?"</em> Yes, to a point. You can guide and instruct him but no, you don't have control over his genetics. One thing I have done with-my son is to point out things in real life situations, for ex., if there's a car accident, and I see someone crying, I'll point it out and say, "Oh, poor thing. Car accidents are so scary and sad." I use words that are easy to understand. I also find newspaper articles about kids my son's age that he can relate to. In fact, one in today's paper was about a 10-yr-old boy who choked on a cracker and his teacher gave him the Heimlich Maneuver. Then I ask him, "What do you think of this?" (Better yet, for your son, "How does this make you feel?")</p><p>I believer that developing and dealing with-emotions, empathy and compassion is learned, much like any other skill. Some people are better at math, some have innate emotional intelligence. But I do believe it can be taught, and your son is at a perfect age.</p><p> </p><p>Most of us here have issues with-our kids being angry or just being outsiders, and we all have the task to give them the tools to make themselves happy. But we cannot "make" them happy. They have to develop their own parameters and stress levels and learn to self-sooth, and you can help with that. Surely, by knowing that his grandpa abused drugs, your son has an excellent example of how not to deal with problems. </p><p>Mostly, I just want to say, thank goodness you're his mom! What a lucky boy he is!</p><p>Thank you for sharing with us. This is a great community. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 147951, member: 3419"] I am so sorry about your dad. How that must hurt. I can imagine what you must have felt, looking at those report cards and having your mom comment. I felt like I was right there with you. In regard to your questions: [I]"Will he end up like Dad?"[/I] Not necessarily. In fact, probably not. I agree with-several people here on that issue. [I]"How can I prevent him from ending up like Dad?" [/I] You're already in counseling and as several people pointed out, we have resources now that your dad never had as a child. You may want to bring up the issue of your dad's death at your next session and spend the entire 45 min. on just that. See what your son says and feed him ideas to get that part of his brain working. [I]"Do I really have any control over this?"[/I] Yes, to a point. You can guide and instruct him but no, you don't have control over his genetics. One thing I have done with-my son is to point out things in real life situations, for ex., if there's a car accident, and I see someone crying, I'll point it out and say, "Oh, poor thing. Car accidents are so scary and sad." I use words that are easy to understand. I also find newspaper articles about kids my son's age that he can relate to. In fact, one in today's paper was about a 10-yr-old boy who choked on a cracker and his teacher gave him the Heimlich Maneuver. Then I ask him, "What do you think of this?" (Better yet, for your son, "How does this make you feel?") I believer that developing and dealing with-emotions, empathy and compassion is learned, much like any other skill. Some people are better at math, some have innate emotional intelligence. But I do believe it can be taught, and your son is at a perfect age. Most of us here have issues with-our kids being angry or just being outsiders, and we all have the task to give them the tools to make themselves happy. But we cannot "make" them happy. They have to develop their own parameters and stress levels and learn to self-sooth, and you can help with that. Surely, by knowing that his grandpa abused drugs, your son has an excellent example of how not to deal with problems. Mostly, I just want to say, thank goodness you're his mom! What a lucky boy he is! Thank you for sharing with us. This is a great community. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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