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In law update: husband is a victim of their influence
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 370285" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Sorry husband isn't more of a support. He is dealing with his own convoluted thinking and guilt. </p><p>My mom is from the school that she is martyred for her children. She did work, very, very hard but it fed her shopping needs. She tried. I figure she started early planting seeds that "good children" take care of their parents. Philosophically, I believe charity begins at home and spreads from there so I'm not far off from thinking we take care of our own. We help our parents in different ways, not necessarily money since most young adults are raising children or struggling. Giving parents money to go to Vegas sounds like quite the excessive gesture. Maybe husband can get around his guilt by offering them a Christmas gift of a trip to vegas but stop sending them cash. Does he want his kids to go without because his parents are somewhat financially irresponsible? Does he want to be like his parents in retirement because he spent his resources on them for excess and not necessities. I find it hard to believe they are so poor that they couldn't afford a decent meal at McD's. Doesn't that sound ridiculous even to husband? </p><p>If in laws couldn't pay the electric bill or were stretched too tight once or twice a year due to taxes or unexpected bills then helping seems to be the correct gesture(if you can) but they sound like silly people with no common sense. </p><p>Maybe a discussion with husband about what is a reasonable amount of help to in laws should be. It might help him clarify in his mind what he should and shouldn't do. </p><p>TG! my in laws do not believe they should be dependent. My mom loves it until I let all her credit cards expire. : ) She is almost out of debt now. : ) : )</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 370285, member: 3"] Sorry husband isn't more of a support. He is dealing with his own convoluted thinking and guilt. My mom is from the school that she is martyred for her children. She did work, very, very hard but it fed her shopping needs. She tried. I figure she started early planting seeds that "good children" take care of their parents. Philosophically, I believe charity begins at home and spreads from there so I'm not far off from thinking we take care of our own. We help our parents in different ways, not necessarily money since most young adults are raising children or struggling. Giving parents money to go to Vegas sounds like quite the excessive gesture. Maybe husband can get around his guilt by offering them a Christmas gift of a trip to vegas but stop sending them cash. Does he want his kids to go without because his parents are somewhat financially irresponsible? Does he want to be like his parents in retirement because he spent his resources on them for excess and not necessities. I find it hard to believe they are so poor that they couldn't afford a decent meal at McD's. Doesn't that sound ridiculous even to husband? If in laws couldn't pay the electric bill or were stretched too tight once or twice a year due to taxes or unexpected bills then helping seems to be the correct gesture(if you can) but they sound like silly people with no common sense. Maybe a discussion with husband about what is a reasonable amount of help to in laws should be. It might help him clarify in his mind what he should and shouldn't do. TG! my in laws do not believe they should be dependent. My mom loves it until I let all her credit cards expire. : ) She is almost out of debt now. : ) : ) [/QUOTE]
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In law update: husband is a victim of their influence
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