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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 411757" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>ToTired - </p><p> </p><p>Hi and Welcome, </p><p> </p><p>These situations often makes us doubt every reason why we put our children where we did in the first place because we get just a break of time to give our brains time to think and parts of us forget the master mainpulator that is where they are for reasons that they are. on the other hand. </p><p> </p><p>My son has been in countless placements and by that I mean if I tried to list the places he's been and the kinds he's been in? I'd loose count - AND I have nearly sued, and pulled him AMA, not that I'm proud but I've also threatened staff for choking and holding my son against a wall as a means of punishment. He's had necklaces stolen, and we were able to pull video of that. In most instances? We were able to have him released AMA - BECAUSE of video - which NO Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will EVER show you. You just see an ad in the paper, or on their web site a few days later looking for staff. All places in jeopardy cited - we're all only human. I cited on place in Augusta GA, - meet me out in the parking lot and I think we'll even the odds. I had no takers - they actually held this male staff member in the building until we left. (No I'm not joking my son had red marks on his neck) </p><p> </p><p> My son has had concussions, been sent to the hospital, been hit by cars twice, had broken noses, by staff and finally a broken jaw from another peer and had to have his jaw wired shut. He's also been arrested and lived in such horrid conditions we had the state shut the place down for child and animal cruelty - they opened short of two weeks later, under the same supervision of the same state that shut them down. Nice huh? </p><p> </p><p>I ALSO can tell you despite all this? There were a LOT of places that had expemplary care, caring staff, wonderful managers AND all of them had video - every, last, one. So it gets to a point where these kids KNOW how to self-inflict or they learn from other kids or they'll even ALLOW other kids to bite them to get out. Some trade things like clothes, and mp3 players, ipods - to get bitten, hit - so mom and dad will come get them. </p><p> </p><p>My first line of questioning to the staff? WHERE are the video monitors. WHO looked at the tapes during the time (TIME) my daughter claims this happened. And trust me - these kids know WHERE these are, when they are on, where they are NOT -----and will claim those places and times that staff abuses them to get you to take them out of that placement. </p><p> </p><p>Okay - so fine. You believe she's being abused. Now what? She comes home? What good does that do her? None. In the very far recesses of your mind you may be thinking that part of you thinks "If I take her out of there, she may think I'm saving her from this place and she'll pull herself together and it will be a little better at home." IT.WILL.NOT. So stop thinking that. It will be better for about a day - if that. I pulled my son out and it was better for about 3 hours and it went down hill fast. </p><p> </p><p>So first plan of action to any "rescue" operation is - See.......what is available for moving her. What other places are available. Call the bluff if you think there is one. What's the worst place available? Mention that - and just let that roll around for a day. IF it's a bluff? You say that place and the kids there will know - they've been in the system long enough and she says XXY place and all of a sudden ABC place isn't abusing her. IT stops. If she is really being abused by STAFF and you say XXY place? Its not going to matter. </p><p> </p><p>These are tactics our caseworker used with our son and amazingly we'd find out pretty quick which times ABC was just "I think I'll work it out with mr. mean. and the rest of the kids." </p><p> </p><p>There is also Mom sense - and you're already questioning her motives - so that says something too. I had NO doubts AT ALL when I walked in and saw the choke mark on my sons neck that day - NONE. That and the fact that when I said "I want to see tapes....NOW." Tapes were reviewed, kids were talked to - and all of a sudden Mr. so and so - wasn't available. </p><p> </p><p>The time my son got a concussion? I had no doubt either - Staff was fired IMMEDIATELY. </p><p> </p><p>The time the necklace was missing? I demanded staff empty her pockets - when she said no? I had my fiance stand there with the manager and drove over to the finance manger office - her pockets were emptied in front of them - she was fired on the spot. </p><p> </p><p>So trust your instincts - but also remember why she's there. This is really hard I know. Hang in there. But if you do believe your daughter? Find a place NOW - and have a place for her to GO TO - BEFORE you move her. Don't ever let her think she's just coming home because of a complaint - she has to work the levels - THEN comes home. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 411757, member: 4964"] ToTired - Hi and Welcome, These situations often makes us doubt every reason why we put our children where we did in the first place because we get just a break of time to give our brains time to think and parts of us forget the master mainpulator that is where they are for reasons that they are. on the other hand. My son has been in countless placements and by that I mean if I tried to list the places he's been and the kinds he's been in? I'd loose count - AND I have nearly sued, and pulled him AMA, not that I'm proud but I've also threatened staff for choking and holding my son against a wall as a means of punishment. He's had necklaces stolen, and we were able to pull video of that. In most instances? We were able to have him released AMA - BECAUSE of video - which NO Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will EVER show you. You just see an ad in the paper, or on their web site a few days later looking for staff. All places in jeopardy cited - we're all only human. I cited on place in Augusta GA, - meet me out in the parking lot and I think we'll even the odds. I had no takers - they actually held this male staff member in the building until we left. (No I'm not joking my son had red marks on his neck) My son has had concussions, been sent to the hospital, been hit by cars twice, had broken noses, by staff and finally a broken jaw from another peer and had to have his jaw wired shut. He's also been arrested and lived in such horrid conditions we had the state shut the place down for child and animal cruelty - they opened short of two weeks later, under the same supervision of the same state that shut them down. Nice huh? I ALSO can tell you despite all this? There were a LOT of places that had expemplary care, caring staff, wonderful managers AND all of them had video - every, last, one. So it gets to a point where these kids KNOW how to self-inflict or they learn from other kids or they'll even ALLOW other kids to bite them to get out. Some trade things like clothes, and mp3 players, ipods - to get bitten, hit - so mom and dad will come get them. My first line of questioning to the staff? WHERE are the video monitors. WHO looked at the tapes during the time (TIME) my daughter claims this happened. And trust me - these kids know WHERE these are, when they are on, where they are NOT -----and will claim those places and times that staff abuses them to get you to take them out of that placement. Okay - so fine. You believe she's being abused. Now what? She comes home? What good does that do her? None. In the very far recesses of your mind you may be thinking that part of you thinks "If I take her out of there, she may think I'm saving her from this place and she'll pull herself together and it will be a little better at home." IT.WILL.NOT. So stop thinking that. It will be better for about a day - if that. I pulled my son out and it was better for about 3 hours and it went down hill fast. So first plan of action to any "rescue" operation is - See.......what is available for moving her. What other places are available. Call the bluff if you think there is one. What's the worst place available? Mention that - and just let that roll around for a day. IF it's a bluff? You say that place and the kids there will know - they've been in the system long enough and she says XXY place and all of a sudden ABC place isn't abusing her. IT stops. If she is really being abused by STAFF and you say XXY place? Its not going to matter. These are tactics our caseworker used with our son and amazingly we'd find out pretty quick which times ABC was just "I think I'll work it out with mr. mean. and the rest of the kids." There is also Mom sense - and you're already questioning her motives - so that says something too. I had NO doubts AT ALL when I walked in and saw the choke mark on my sons neck that day - NONE. That and the fact that when I said "I want to see tapes....NOW." Tapes were reviewed, kids were talked to - and all of a sudden Mr. so and so - wasn't available. The time my son got a concussion? I had no doubt either - Staff was fired IMMEDIATELY. The time the necklace was missing? I demanded staff empty her pockets - when she said no? I had my fiance stand there with the manager and drove over to the finance manger office - her pockets were emptied in front of them - she was fired on the spot. So trust your instincts - but also remember why she's there. This is really hard I know. Hang in there. But if you do believe your daughter? Find a place NOW - and have a place for her to GO TO - BEFORE you move her. Don't ever let her think she's just coming home because of a complaint - she has to work the levels - THEN comes home. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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