In need of support yet again.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by exhausted, Oct 21, 2012.

  1. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I haven't been around much in the last month. I do read your posts when I can and think of you all. difficult child has been on probabtion and with her work schedule to 2 different jobs, teaching, and a knee that needs surgery, I have been too busy.

    We have court tomorrow as a probabtion check in. difficult child violated her probation about 2 weeks ago and was placed back on house arrest. Last night she decided to bolt. She packed a suitcase, took her medications, toothbrush, everything she needed. She has never left prepared before. She means to be gone. She is now 18 so no calling the police at this point. PO is of course not available on weekends.

    She has been communicating with so many people on the phone we don't know. I have at least 20 numbers. I am finding myself in codependant mode and wanting to call all the numbers to track her down. I also found a homemade bong in her room (yep-searched her room). I am really scared because I heard a bit of a conversation with what sounded like an older man, he was talking is some kind of lingo and almost sounded like he was a pimp. A few of the things he said about dropping a girl on a street and she came back 2 hours later with 1500 bucks, yadda, yadda. I really couldn't make out the coversation. She is not suppose to talk to people we have not meant-court ordered. So I am sure we only know a fraction of her violations.

    She has really never stabalized since placed on probation. She struggles at both jobs, she has had all kinds of fall outs with "friends". I have suspected MJ use all along. She washes out before all the drug tests and I really don't know how she passes. I thought that the stuff stays in your system a long time and if you are heavy, it stays longer?

    I'm just scared beyond belief because of her scary risk taking behavior and desperation. She was probably headed to secure care (Juvie prison)for a good amount of time even though the PO wasn't recommending it. The judge has had it and she knows it. Honestly she could probably stay gone quite awhile because I doubt they are going looking. I don't know how much money she has. We decided to stay out of the banking and let her handle her court payments. I don't know if she has even done that?? Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I can only send you the most caring and supportive hugs. Frankly I have no idea what action you could take at this time that would protect her from herself or others. I'm so sorry that things have gone from bad to worse. Fingers crossed that she realizes that she needs to be safely at home. DDD
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am sorry Exhausted, I understand how scared you are. I'm sending prayers for her safety, for her to make good choices now, for some peace of mind for you and for her to keep in contact with you somehow. And, gentle and caring hugs for you Mom..............
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sending very understanding and caring prayers and thoughts to you and for your difficult child's safety. I know how worried you are. Does she have a cell phone to contact you if needed? Iknow I would want to call her the numbers you foiudn too but what will that do? It won't bring her back. She has to find her own way mom. Let her know you love her and are there for her but she has to make her own mistakes.

  5. BKS

    BKS New Member

    Hugs and support for a tough situation. I pray for good things for both of you - peace and a healthy way ahead.

  6. Exhausted, I read your post and i don't have much advice but wanted to let you know you are in much thoughts and prayers. I can relate to some of the emotions your are going through because i was going through a similar situation a few weeks ago. My 20 yr old difficult child was a month into his probation when he decide not show up to report to the PO, ignored paying the probation fee and took off to New York with a "friend" who i later learned is a 28 year old drug dealer. difficult child was supposed to report on a thursday but instead called to say he was sick. The po told him to fax him a doctor's note or show up on friday but difficult child did neither. When failed to show up, a warrant was issued for his arrest. When the cop showed up to my house with the warrant- it was on a Monday, i called difficult child and told him about it and begged him to report, but he didn't until wednesday. The Po was furious. Two weeks prior to this, difficult child had been stopped driving aroung town with another "friend" and when the car stopped, the "friend" bolted out and ran because he had a gun, mind you my difficult child is on probation because of weapons possesion. Anyway, nothing was found on my son and he was let go but not before the cop reported the matter to his po. So the Po knew difficult child was still hanging around criminals.

    When difficult child showed up on wednesday, he was taken before a judge to answer for 4 violations. When the lawyer and i talked to the po while waiting for judge, he told us that difficult child was hanging around very dangerous people and didn't even realize it. He wanted to hold difficult child in prison for a few days and the judge wanted to hold him for sixty days. I talked to the judge about difficult child's problems with marijuana and we came to a compromise that if i could find a treatment centre, he could be released there. It took me a six days to find a place while difficult child was cooling his heels in prison. Ten days ago, we went before a judge and difficult child was released to me so i could take him to the rehab centre. He has been there for ten days now and is doing very well. The first three days were hard because the kids there, (the place is for young men 18-24) are recovering from hard stuff and difficult child didn't think weed was such a big deal for him, but he has adjusted and is determined to do well. The place is kind of half recovery and half way house and i have been able to visit him two times and today i picked him up with three other kids and took them to church with permission and they were very happy and grateful.

    Back to your difficult child. When you go to court tommorrow, do you think if the po recommended difficult child be held in juvie for a few days, with your consent would help?
  7. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Exhausted, you've been on my mind lately because we haven't heard from you in a while. I'm sorry she isn't complying with her court orders, and I'm very concerned about her behavior and the people she's spending her time with. I'm hoping she'll reconsider and come back tonight. Do you remember when Britney Spears was out of control a few years ago, and her family (with her permission) had her declared incompetent? Is there any way you can follow that route, considering she is such a danger to herself?
  8. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Thank you everyone. Calamity, i have wondered what it would take to declare her incompetent. I wonder if we will even have court if she doesnt come home? I know they will issue a pick up order.
  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    She came home. I'll update after court. Glad she changed her mind.
  10. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh exhausted, I am so sorry you are going thru all of this. Keep in touch, you are on my mind and in my prayers - {{{hugs}}}
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Don't you hate the roller coaster they put us on? I'm glad she rethought things and came home.


  12. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Glad difficult child came home. Anxious to hear how court went.

  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Glad she came home safely. Thinking of you and praying she gets a wake up call and accepts help.
  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Any update on court exhausted?
  15. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I am so sorry it has taken me so long to reply. Things are so busy and I am wiped out at the end of the day because of my knee.
    Well I can't believe it but the judge released her totally from court probation (despite running off, and only having 1/3 of her communioty service hours done) except for paying her brother back. He extended her time to pay out to one year (not good). She is now in the adult system should anything go south. He felt her having 2 jobs was good and that her attitude was better. PO and I were not expecting this reaction. He told us to kick her out as soon as she decided to break house rules. We have had a good week but we did tell her that she would be out if there were any signs of pot use, or she stayed out over night.

    She has an appointment at voc. rehab. She is hoping for help going to school (we pulled the plug on paying for this since she continued to disobey house rules) and help with housing. Though I know she is too immature to handle life on her own, I hope she gets the help. I will even help with groceries and the basics she needs to live on her own. So tired of her drama. She is waiting to get onto the psychiatric. for a medications appointment. she had to cancell the last one as she had just started a new job and they would not let her off. It is a long wait with the adult providers on our insurance so.......
  16. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Hi Exhausted,
    I've been thinking of you. Well, I don't know if what the judge did was good or bad, but I just want to let you know I'm very concerned about what all this is doing to your health and state of mind. Try to take care of yourself.
  17. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You must be exhausted. The best thing would be for her to be able to live on her own. That is the only reason we agree to help difficult child out with gas and groceries and sometimes rent, we need her to be on her own and hopign that at some point she is able to completely take care of herself. That's what we both have to hope for.

  18. BKS

    BKS New Member


    I concur with Nancy and Calamity Jane. We are paying a few of my sons expenses (intermittently) to keep him living on his own. I think it makes sense in the long run as well all push and hope they will eventually become completely independent.

    Hang in there.

    << hugs >>

  19. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, we know it is just a matter of time until she breaks the household rules. I hope you and your husband are on the same page about what comes next.