In need of support

GoingNorth

Crazy Cat Lady
Thomas is a big boy! He weighs around 18lbs and stands around 14" at the shoulders. He simply stands up on his hind legs, works his head under the lid, and pushes it back up against the toilet tank. Then he has his drink (and doesn't put the lid back down).

When I clean the toilet, I have to close the bathroom door until I've gotten all the cleaner thoroughly flushed out of the bowl so its safe for Thomas.

(He's so tall that he stands on his hind legs and leans into the toilet bowl to drink.
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
Staff member
I came here to "lighten up," my answer and I see in a certain way, Copa did that beautifully. Just because something might be difficult, doesn't mean it is Impossible. Additionally, I've been married for over 30 years and I can tell you that there were one or two very rough periods. Very. My husband is a sweetheart, but certain things like our Difficult Child, threw us into chaos at times. We went to counseling even during times that we weren't arguing. But, when I think about those few VERY BAD times and the gazillion difficult times. I'm sure glad we stuck it out. In fact, difficult times are to be expected and surmounted. Therapy was the best thing for us. A discovery, learning and growth opportunity. Of course, just like we often say with our diff. children, each person must have the desire to want a healthy relationship. With that desire, willingness and a little help as needed...much can be accomplished.
 

GoingNorth

Crazy Cat Lady
Nomad, my husband and I went to counseling a few times, everything from learning how to fight productively and fairly, to general venting either together or separately. We went through extensive individual and couples therapy when Stu was medical-ed out of the Army, as he had PTSD and was carrying a lot of guilt because the brainwashing the military does to teach its soldiers that the enemy aren't people, didn't take in his case. In all honestly, I think every couple thinking of making a permanent commitment to each other should undergo couples counseling before making that commitment.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
In all honestly, I think every couple thinking of making a permanent commitment to each other should undergo couples counseling before making that commitment.
Going. While I agree with you in theory I do not have the confidence that do you in the mental health profession. I have seen hubris and power seeking, the willingness to put themselves first, the believing in their own glory.

I have experienced and seen too much. Perhaps I am the limiting factor. Because I know others have a far different sense of things. I wish I was still trusting and believing. I wish life had not taught me otherwise.

And there are men, like M, who would never go. He does not have confidence in most professionals nor would he put his business out there.

Today I had an upset with a physician's office. I was prescribed blood work last year and neither my medicare nor my very excellent secondary insurance would not pay because the physician was too arrogant to correct a coding error, he had made. I am being billed hundreds of dollars because the doctor wrote the wrong code and will not hear he made an error.

He put Lung Nodule, with the wrong code.

When they called asking for him to resubmit he would not. *All his staff needed to do was put in the correct code number for lung nodule. Or any of several diagnoses I was being treated for that required blood work.

He told the lab: I don't care whether she has to pay or not. I will not lie just so she doesn't have to pay. (Which was completely not what he was being asked to do by the lab.)

It was not a question of lying, but a question of doing his job correctly and not abusing people.
 

GoingNorth

Crazy Cat Lady
Your doctor is a schmuck (In the Yiddish sense, not the German sense.) Actually, if you are religious, your pastor is a good place to start. This is assuming your pastor is of a denomination where pastors are trained in counseling and are able to think outside the bible.

husband and I went to a msw specializing in couples counseling because we realized, despite having been an "item for 5 years, and despite having lived together for 3 years, there were a few sticking points and petty annoyances in our interactions with each other that we thought it would be good to iron out before swearing a lifetime oath to each other.

I've had coding errors galore over the years, both on my and my late husband's billing. I've never had a problem getting them corrected beyond them taking their own sweet time about it.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I am not sure everyone should be forced to attend premarital counseling. Not all therapists are equally good and not all people will listen to advice.

I haven't however had bad experiences much with mental health caregivers. They definitely helped me a lot in becoming the person I wanted to be. Without help, I would not have reached such a high level of happiness, contentment with who I am and I doubt I'd even be alive. I was very suicidal. A gifted psychiatrist found the right medication for my depressions and the right therapists and self help books and group therapies made me able to be strong. I started out a mess...a typical d c minus drug abuse, but I was eager to help myself. I let others guide me.

Trust me, I had a few loser therapists along the way. I fired them quickly and found helpful ones. In the process I became a lay advocate for other mentally ill who were too shy or beaten to help themselves. I always had that desire to be a better me, but I was unable to figure out how to do it alone. So I actually love the mental health community. A few times my husband has come with me to stabilize issues we had but he doesn't have mental health issues. He goes if I ask him to please come with...for me.

I haven't had doctors try to rip me off either. If I think a doctor isn't up to snuff or has a bad attitude, I find another one. I've never ever experienced the gall you did from your doctor, Cop a. I'd fight that any way I could.

Anyway, I do not think everyone should make it work. Abuse is not okay. Cheating is not okay. I have my 'honey don't" list! With kids at home, I let more things slide. But not now

Just my worthless .02.
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
Staff member
As a side note...I think a lot depends on the therapist. in my humble opinion, we were extremely lucky finding a therapist we both liked. I have heard plenty of negative stories from others. I have one friend who went for many many years weekly to a marriage counselor with her husband. WEEKLY for many years. Good grief. And this therapist, had her going to him separately. A potential conflict. We would go for 2-4 weeks. Then not go for many months...maybe a year or more. Then go back when we had a concern or a lot of stress. She DIScouraged constant therapy.
Over the years, I heard of one friend that went to see our same therapist who didn't like her and I've heard of others that found her to be very helpful. So, there are good and bad therapists and there are some that just aren't the right "fit." Hard enough when you are struggling, but then you have to find someone good. Yes, we were fortunate.


PS Copa..this doctor sounds a bit like a jerk. I worry that arrogance can lead to serious medical errors.by the way, I first read that he wrote "lung noodle," and thought goodness, this guy is insane not to change THAT! LOL! Anyway, I hope you are ok.
 

Scent of Cedar *

Well-Known Member
I had a cat that refused to drink from water bowls - or anywhere except the toilet. Literally, he'd beg and beg and go without or just spill a dish. I finally stopped cleaning with anything too chemical and left the toilet lids up.

I also cleaned them MUCH more often.

With my current cat, we are a lid-down house.

Our cat drinks out of the kitchen sink or the bathtub. There she is in the morning, staring straight at me with those green eyes cats have, waiting for me to turn the faucet on.

So, you guys?

We never have to clean the toilet.

Life is good.

:puppet:

Cedar
 

Scent of Cedar *

Well-Known Member
Trust me, I had a few loser therapists along the way. I fired them quickly and found helpful ones.

This so amazes me. For the longest time, I thought I was the only person who'd stumbled into a bad therapy situation. And I came away from that thinking the bad person was me, and not the therapist. (Responsible for everything, remember?) I think Copa said she had a bad experience once, too. After that first therapist, I found such a nice lady therapist, and she helped me very much.

But just think how normal I would be today, if it weren't for that first therapist, you guys.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

In the process I became a lay advocate for other mentally ill who were too shy or beaten to help themselves.

Oh, good for you, SWOT.

Thank you on their behalf.

I first read that he wrote "lung noodle," and thought goodness, this guy is insane not to change THAT! LOL! Anyway, I hope you are ok.

I must have missed that post. Copa, I too hope everyone in your family is okay.

Cedar
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
Lil- she said she would be out at the farm, where there isn't much/any access to internet. She will check in when she gets back in range.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Oh, Copa.
Not to worry (I hope). It was discovered five years ago and I was very scared when the idiot internist told me I had a fifty percent chance it would be cancerous. Not true.

The pulmonologist from the beginning did not think it was cancer but we followed it nonetheless. The likely etiology is valley fever which was never diagnosed.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I have had some bad therapists too. My very first experience when my ex left me on my (now 29 year old son's) first Christmas. She did not say one WORD but she listened. I was so green at the time I did not realize that is now how it should be. I needed her to talk though!!

A few years ago I had a doctor tell me I had full blown diabetes from ONE test that showed high sugar. I did NOT have diabetes. I have never had a high reading since.

You have to be your own advocate no matter who you see.

Copa that doctor is horrible. Can you report him to someone? Or even tell your insurance about it and maybe they can fight it out?
 

KTMom91

Well-Known Member
That's a good idea, RN. To call the insurance company. After I broke my leg, I was sent to an absolutely awful orthopedist. Had the MRI and other required things, only to find out his office had never followed up, and they did not have the information when I went in for my next appointment. I fired the guy in the middle of a packed waiting room at the top of my voice while leaning on a walker. My mom said it was a great speech - wish I could remember what I said.

Insurance found me another ortho who was much more efficient and proactive.
 
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