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Substance Abuse
In need of wisdom and advice
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 760110" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Copa,</p><p>This is so true and I appreciate your words to remind me again of what I know in my heart of hearts. I've been telling my older son that I can't see him during my weekdays after work. I told him it was "my time" to unwind etc. I believe I've told him that a few times and yet he actually just texted me about something and "my schedule" today. I told him this again and his reply was "oh.OK" like it was the first time he heard it.</p><p></p><p>His behavior has been steady and on the improvement this past week but he undoubtedly would like to be around me all the time, so that my heart continues to soften and enable him. I know from past experience that the more I'm able to separate myself from him or my other son, the stronger I am in setting boundaries. Otherwise, I get so entangled in where they end and I begin that their hurts become my hurts and I do anything I can to eliminate them. The best thing I can do for me and him right now is to continue to fight for my space allowing him the ability to try to stand on his own two feet. </p><p></p><p>He takes it that I don't like him or don't want to be with him but I've emphasized that it's not healthy for him to want to be with me 24/7. I'm sure in his emotional state, he doesn't see it that way but I have to be the clear-minded one.</p><p></p><p>It's a struggle.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 760110, member: 23405"] Copa, This is so true and I appreciate your words to remind me again of what I know in my heart of hearts. I've been telling my older son that I can't see him during my weekdays after work. I told him it was "my time" to unwind etc. I believe I've told him that a few times and yet he actually just texted me about something and "my schedule" today. I told him this again and his reply was "oh.OK" like it was the first time he heard it. His behavior has been steady and on the improvement this past week but he undoubtedly would like to be around me all the time, so that my heart continues to soften and enable him. I know from past experience that the more I'm able to separate myself from him or my other son, the stronger I am in setting boundaries. Otherwise, I get so entangled in where they end and I begin that their hurts become my hurts and I do anything I can to eliminate them. The best thing I can do for me and him right now is to continue to fight for my space allowing him the ability to try to stand on his own two feet. He takes it that I don't like him or don't want to be with him but I've emphasized that it's not healthy for him to want to be with me 24/7. I'm sure in his emotional state, he doesn't see it that way but I have to be the clear-minded one. It's a struggle. [/QUOTE]
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