mstang67chic
Going Green
difficult child has been doing nothing since turning 18. I think he did the dishes once and only did it half a**ed. Anyway, he wanted to go to a friend's tonight but was in a bad mood because it looked like it wasn't going to happen.
husband came home frome work and told difficult child that he needed to do the dishes. Normally we take turns but a while back, difficult child promised he'd do them for the next 9 times if we let him do something. We agreed and even put it in writing with a spot to check off for each time he's done the dishes. He's not done them 9 times yet and husband and I have both done them a couple of times because they needed to be done. So tonight after husband told him he needed to do the dishes, we got attitude, bargaining, more attitiude and flat out refusal. In the house rules/contract we set up, it states that he does chores as needed, required or reqested. It also has a three strike policy in it for not following the rules. He managed to go a whopping 13 days before getting his first strike.
He decided that he's 18, he doesn't have to do what we say and he's NOT doing the dishes. He also said that he doesn't have to nor does he want to live here anymore. So he left at one point, went to his friend's house down the street to, I assume, ask the mom if he could live there. As he stated that he was moving out when he left, we locked all the doors. (He doesn't have a key) When he came back, he had to ring the doorbell. husband answered the door and they had a discussion culminating in husband losing his temper and yelling for difficult child to get the he** out. So of course, he did. husband waited a few minutes (after I reminded him that we aren't goingt to get anywhere if we don't follow the rules and procedures that WE set down in the contract) and then called difficult child's cell. He apologized for losing his temper but reminded him of the rules and the fact that while he still lives under our roof, he has to follow the rules. difficult child said he was going to take a walk and then he would be back.
husband and I talked for a bit and for the first time (whether I've said it out loud or not, I've been feeling this way for a loooong time) that he actually wishes difficult child WOULD move out because he's tired of dealing with his ****. I just gave him a kiss and said "welcome to my guilt".
difficult child has no money, no job, no place to go. But at the same time, I think that all three of us are fed up. Granted, difficult child lives in a world of denial and narcisism but still. husband and I just don't know what to do. difficult child refuses to do anything. He comes home, throws his books in his room (assuming of course that he brought them home) and then goes to his friend's house. There's no way to make him do anything. If he wants to leave the house he does.
Oh, just remembered. During the trying to get him to do the dishes part, I just kept repeating calmly that he could either do the dishes or go to his room. He went and sat on the couch instead. So I walked over and stood in front of him. Before I had a chance to say dishes or room again, he looked up at me and (VERY snottily) said "You can't touch me, I'm 18" Little poop.
Anyway, he and husband are talking right now although most of what I'm hearing is "I'll do the dishes tomorrow....I'm not going anywhere tonight but I don't have time to do them tonight. I'll have all the time in the world to do them tomorrow...blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" I just heard husband say something to him and his (again snotty) reply was "Dad, I don't know what you're talking about, you are just rambling on about stupid stuff" (You mean like.........I don't know....doing the dishes?) GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Help!
I'm not sure what KIND of help I'm looking for mind you, but any advice would be welcome. (And our trip is NEXT year? Dear God.)
husband came home frome work and told difficult child that he needed to do the dishes. Normally we take turns but a while back, difficult child promised he'd do them for the next 9 times if we let him do something. We agreed and even put it in writing with a spot to check off for each time he's done the dishes. He's not done them 9 times yet and husband and I have both done them a couple of times because they needed to be done. So tonight after husband told him he needed to do the dishes, we got attitude, bargaining, more attitiude and flat out refusal. In the house rules/contract we set up, it states that he does chores as needed, required or reqested. It also has a three strike policy in it for not following the rules. He managed to go a whopping 13 days before getting his first strike.
He decided that he's 18, he doesn't have to do what we say and he's NOT doing the dishes. He also said that he doesn't have to nor does he want to live here anymore. So he left at one point, went to his friend's house down the street to, I assume, ask the mom if he could live there. As he stated that he was moving out when he left, we locked all the doors. (He doesn't have a key) When he came back, he had to ring the doorbell. husband answered the door and they had a discussion culminating in husband losing his temper and yelling for difficult child to get the he** out. So of course, he did. husband waited a few minutes (after I reminded him that we aren't goingt to get anywhere if we don't follow the rules and procedures that WE set down in the contract) and then called difficult child's cell. He apologized for losing his temper but reminded him of the rules and the fact that while he still lives under our roof, he has to follow the rules. difficult child said he was going to take a walk and then he would be back.
husband and I talked for a bit and for the first time (whether I've said it out loud or not, I've been feeling this way for a loooong time) that he actually wishes difficult child WOULD move out because he's tired of dealing with his ****. I just gave him a kiss and said "welcome to my guilt".
difficult child has no money, no job, no place to go. But at the same time, I think that all three of us are fed up. Granted, difficult child lives in a world of denial and narcisism but still. husband and I just don't know what to do. difficult child refuses to do anything. He comes home, throws his books in his room (assuming of course that he brought them home) and then goes to his friend's house. There's no way to make him do anything. If he wants to leave the house he does.
Oh, just remembered. During the trying to get him to do the dishes part, I just kept repeating calmly that he could either do the dishes or go to his room. He went and sat on the couch instead. So I walked over and stood in front of him. Before I had a chance to say dishes or room again, he looked up at me and (VERY snottily) said "You can't touch me, I'm 18" Little poop.
Anyway, he and husband are talking right now although most of what I'm hearing is "I'll do the dishes tomorrow....I'm not going anywhere tonight but I don't have time to do them tonight. I'll have all the time in the world to do them tomorrow...blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" I just heard husband say something to him and his (again snotty) reply was "Dad, I don't know what you're talking about, you are just rambling on about stupid stuff" (You mean like.........I don't know....doing the dishes?) GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Help!
I'm not sure what KIND of help I'm looking for mind you, but any advice would be welcome. (And our trip is NEXT year? Dear God.)