Incessant talking how do you cope?

[Jody]

I posted yesterday that difficult child came home from fostercare after 1 1/2 years. She has been home every Friday-Sunday for almost the entire time. During the week though my house was very quiet. Last night was her first night back and it wasn't terrible, but oh my goodness, she never shuts up. I tried to go to my room, I told her that I needed half and hour of quiet. Certain noises really bother me, chewing, incessant chatter, swallowing, sniffling, bag rattling, like chip bags. I know this is my own issue, but she is so loud in all of them. Even when she gets in the bed she rattles her bed and tosses and turns and it's just not relaxing to me, even though she really isn't doing anything wrong. I guess I just don't know how to co-habitate with people. She wears her headphones when listening to musci most of the time, but I can still hear it. ]

One day and my nerves are frayed. I am scared how I will be in a weeks time. I need help. I don't know if I can do this. I feel like a big baby yet it really does bother me in a way I really can't explain. How do you strenght your nerves. A Dr. didnt tell me, but I know I had a breakdown of some kind when difficult child had to go to fostercare and I just haven't been the same since. Any advice??? How do you block it out?

 

[InsaneCdn]

First, go to a doctor. Sometimes, us warrior moms need medications to get through some of this. therapist might help too - but probably not enough by itself.

And then... do whatever has to be done to take the squeeks, rattles and other irritants out of the picture.
Chips get stored in re-sealable PLASTIC containers... open, take out whatever chips, and close again. No rattle.
Fix the bed frame - or put mattress on floor.
Oil door-squeeks.

And then... maybe get a white-noise machine for when you're sleeping?
and/or earplugs for when you need to mute the sound during the day?

 

[AnnieO]

Jett will talk nonstop, too. At top volume - he doesn't seem to understand that people being right in front of him mean, TONE IT DOWN!

He walks like an elephant, turns the TV up extremely loud - will turn it down when asked, since he has no hearing problem (he's been tested repeatedly).

I hide in my room for 15 minutes here or there, put on my OWN mp3 player...

If others can hear her music through her headphones, she is damaging her hearing. Tell her to turn it down.

I have extremely sensitive hearing, so I can understand (some). If the TV is on, but muted? I can hear it. The high-pitched electronic noise makes me CRAZY. I've woken up at 2 AM, can hear the noise, go upstairs and Jett has turned off the DVR but left the TV on - so no picture - just the "ON" noise.

Have you tried the "quiet game"? Start with 5 minutes - And if it helps, you can be quiet during this time too, which is probably easier for you than her. If she likes TV, whatever, use it as a reward...

Just a few thoughts...

 

[DDD]

I have very sensitive hearing also. Truly it was really difficult when difficult child#2 lived with us because he is just plain loud. Once he moved out I thought I'd be able to peacefully sleep but...I bought a dog for my husband and I hear him every single time he moves, gets a drink, chows down etc. during the night. Sigh!

In your case, however, it sounds like you might have associated issues that makes it impossible. Perhaps your Doctor can help. I hope so. Hugs DDD

 

[rejectedmom]

My daughter cannot tolerate noise well since her brain injury she uses those foam earplugs. She says they work the best.
and she has tried them all even the expensive noise canceling headphones.

 

[InsaneCdn]

DDD - husband has that kind of hearing. We were told very early on that we needed to crate-train our dog(s) with an oversized crate - this isn't going to be used for SHIPPING, but instead as the dog's "bedroom". Put a water dish in there, a safe toy, a nice dog blanket or pad... and tuck doggie in for the night. NONE of us would be getting any sleep listing to the dogs roam the house at night...

 

[DDD]

Sigh! I bought Ace for my husband who was depressed a couple of years ago. The combo of depression and pushing 80 has resulted in the dog being his constant companion and very spoiled. We have had three wonderful dogs (yes, including Ace) over the past thirtyfive years and with-o using a crate they never got on furniture, never came into the kitchen or dining room during meals etc. etc. So...the problem is husband who, by the way, has hearing deficiencies.

Wow...I turned this into a whine, didn't I? DDD

 

[InsaneCdn]

{{{hugs}}} - my ears don't work, and it drives the rest of the family nuts. So... even if I don't always get it... you've got three people here who do!

 

[trinityroyal]

I'm a bit hyper-sensory, and lots of noises drive me 'round the twist. I'm also incredibly introverted, and lots of talking and interaction shut down my brain. My difficult child, also hyper-sensory, talks and does things very loudly to drown out the other noises of the world that bother him. He's also the most extroverted person in the world and will follow me from room to room to "converse" when I need quiet.

I've found that bluntness has worked really well.

If difficult child is bending my ear rather than talking about something important, I tell him. "difficult child, I need some quiet. Would you please stop talking for the next 10 minutes." When (not if) he starts talking again, I just gently say "Shhh." as a reminder. Over the years he's gotten better, in that it takes fewer reminders, and he can last longer in silence.

As for the general banging around and noise, a few different things work.

If the children have the volume up too high on the tv or stereo, I tell them that it's "yelling at me" and they need to turn down the volume. I usually specify a number, for example, Anything lower than "9" on the tv is fine. When that's impossible and I just need general quiet, I use industrial foam ear plugs. They are rated to 33 decibels, although you can get ones with better noise cancelling properties. These ones allow me to hear screams and big noises, but drown out the smaller irritants.

 

[AnnieO]

He's also the most extroverted person in the world and will follow me from room to room to "converse" when I need quiet.

We call this the "up my rear syndrome"... Onyxx does it, too. Jett doesn't follow, he just keeps talking - you could be in the car and 3 miles away and the other parent will call and tell you Jett is still talking to you. No joke. Onyxx will follow follow follow and I've had to tell her flat out, "I NEED SOME TIME ALONE PLEASE". Usually it is when she is trying to make an absurd point about why she should be allowed to whatever it is (or why she was right to break whichever law), and I've told her I'll think about it and/or discuss it with husband - or no, end of discussion, she keeps bugging me.

I think the biggest issue with all our "motormouths" is that they don't get when to stop. So... We have to tell them... Bluntly is usally the only way they get it...

 

[Jody]

Well thank goodness, I am not alone. I still want to go home tonight, but I am hoping somehow for some solitude. I am definately going to get the ear plugs this weekend!!!!

 

[InsaneCdn]

Well thank goodness, I am not alone. I still want to go home tonight, but I am hoping somehow for some solitude. I am definately going to get the ear plugs this weekend!!!!

Jody - so often, the biggest thing is to know that we are NOT alone... we're not crazy, insane, off the deep end. We're "normal" (whatever "normal" means!)

 

[DDD]

Amen, Insane. DDD

 

[TerryJ2]

Jody and all, where's the "like"button?
Best of luck. I agree with-the earplugs, the bowl for chips (not out of the bag, too much noise) and the dr. In that order.

 

[Jody]

I got the ear plugs, wonderful. I told her what they are for and then when she starts with that on and on and on talking I point to my ear and she's like okay, later whatever. I love this. No cheetoh bag driving me insane, no music. It's bliss. Thank you so much.

 

[buddy]

LOL, I tried this with Q tonight to see what would happen (I always have some because of his sound sensitivities...but HE can be loud and never stop!!! ) he came over and pulled them out!!!

I can't catch a break lately...hahahaha

 

[ready2run]

i find myself getting mad at difficult child for his noises when it's not necessarily bad, just annoying as well. he gets up in the night and rocks in the corner. it sounds like he is going to break the wall, but that's only because everything else is so quiet. i have small kids, so i can't do ear plugs. i feel like i am always shushing and saying 'quiet please'. i also put my hand up in a 'stop' motion at him for it which seems to help. and the talking. ugh. he starts talking at 5am. if i am still in bed by 6:30 ish i wake up to him crying and freaking out because no one is answering him when he talks to them from his room while we are all asleep down the hall. and then he continues on talking all day if i let him. i have started to just send him upstairs if he doesn't listen the first time when i ask him to stop.

 

[susiestar]

There is a quick, easy trick that WORKS for people who talk too loud but don't realize it, or those who are not so much loud as they are projecting their voice as though speaking to an auditorium with-o a microphone. Just make a very very quiet shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh noise - they do NOT have to consciously hear it for it to work. I have used it in classes full of kids, crowded buses, with my family a TON (esp my dad and husband who both project a LOT). I know it sounds strange. You don't have to even move your lips to make the sound - just make it under your breath sort of and it will quiet an overly loud person down with-o them even knowing that they are quieting down.

If I hadn't learned that from a roomie who was an audiology major, I probably would have strangled Wiz before he turned four. Esp as he combined high pitch and LOUD.

Jody, if you can hear her music from her headphones, she needs to turn it down. She is doing damage to her ears and it WILL show in 10-20 years and it IS cumulative. My kids still get a maximum volume setting on their mp3 players, etc... - I just use a bit of nail polish at the loudest they can hear it and I cannot when sitting about 3 feet away. If it is louder than that? I take it away for 24 hrs. Period.

My bro showed significant hearing damage at 25 because he used headphones and kept the music up loud. Now? He has had to use a little gizmo my dad made to amplify noises to hear in some situations. He refuses to admit to it, but his daughter can say all sorts of stuff that he just does NOT hear if he isn't looking at her or she isn't yelling. We are heading more and more toward this as we create more things to listen to on headphones.

You will become desensitized to some of this in a few weeks, it is part of the adjustment. But you can also use your sensitivities to urge good manners like chewing with your mouth shut. My kids do this because the sounds makes me want to vomit. There have been times it actually made me vomit. House Rule is that if you do something that you know makes someone sick, you can't complain if they barf on you - and you get to do the cleanup. Of course I don't do it - well, not on purpose except once when all 3 were really really pushing the limit and I had the flu, but it made enough of an impression that all I have to do is ask what happens if you purposely make someone sick to their tummy. Lol I guess, but it just seems like natural consequences to me. It HAS led to decent table manners, though.

 

[mazdamama]

As I sit here trying to block out the circling I realize that somehow, someway I have learned to close my ears internally to much of what David is saying. We have a great room here that consists of the dining room, kitchen and living room. The couch seperates the large living room for the other areas and he has been circling the entire room around the couch and back again. My desk is at the wall close to a chair that is alongside the couch. He is chattering away and alot of it is NINJAGO!!..his new thing.
I can understand though because if your difficult child has been in foster care for awhile you have had alot of quiet in your home except for those weekend visits. Complete change for you and I can bet difficult child is so excited about being home full time that she is bursting with things to say to you. I am so used to noise in my home that quiet gets to me. With 8 birds chirping away, mice and hamsters running on their squeaky wheels when it is quiet I know something is wrong.
I would do as the others have suggested...earplugs. But I would also go to the craft store and get the materials to make up some signs and then explain to difficult child what they mean and try to get her to understand that we all need some quiet time. She can even make up her own. Maybe some signs saying QUIET ZONE, LET'S WHISPER TODAY. etc. I did get one of those foam door hangers and when I need a time out to get myself under control so I don't lose it. I hang it on a hook on my bedroom door and had written on it with marker "MOM IS IN TIME OUT DO NOT ENTER!!"

In David's case what bugs me the most is his getting into my space. Last night I was reading something on the computer and twice he walked up and actually put a piece of his new foam US map on my glasses so I would SEE it.

 

[buddy]

Jody every time I see this thread I remember, I think anyway, we just had a similar discussion. I think many many of us can so relate to this. But yeah, youre adjusting to it after some time... will take a while for your ears to tune it out a little easier. I am not proud I do that, but it is survival at times, LOL