Inconsiderate Neighbors

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by joneshockey, Sep 1, 2011.

  1. joneshockey

    joneshockey Guest

    Ok, Ok - I am not usually one to complain, but something REALLY upset me last night. One of B1's neighborhood friends came to my door last night asking what we were doing and if we were going to be home because he wanted to play... after telling him we were going to be home he proceeds to tell me that his mom is not home and that her boyfriend is gettting ready to leave to go to a football game and that he doesnt want to go to the game, but wants to stay at our house instead... now usually I am all for letting my kids play with their friends, but after a LONG day teaching 29 1st graders I really didnt feel like being responsible for another child (for who knows how long). So I told him no that he needed to go home and that he could play with B1 another day. Next thing I know I look outside and he is STILL playing in our yard --- I went back out there again and told him to GO HOME... I then had to leave to pick up a pizza for dinner.... when I got home the boy was STILL IN MY YARD and the boyfriend had LEFT HIM at my house without checking with FF1 or myself (I later found out that the boyfriend had pulled up in front of my house and the friend told him it was fine for him to stay as long as they played outside)... Now this made me fuming mad because who in their right mind would just leave a child without checking with a parent???? I certianly wouldn't just take my 8 year olds word for it when you are dealing with the safety of your child! I tried to contact the mom via cell phone but she didnt answer and I had to leave a message --- I also tried to call the biofather with no success.... I even called the boys daycare provider and she didnt have any other numbers for the mom... I then told the friend that if I didnt hear from his mom soon that I would have to call the police... After another 45 minutes go by, the mom FINALLY calls me back (15 minutes before I was going to call the police)--- The mom didn't even appolgize or anything she told me just to send him home!! Well, 1 1/2 hours later (9 PM) the boyfriend comes to my door and is upset because I told the boy that I was going to call the police!!! And he didnt believe me that I told him to go home --- He believed the kids story over mine, yet he EVER came to the door to ask if he could stay!!! I STILL feel as if I could SCREAM --- Who does this to their kid??? I sooo wish that I had called the police --- parents like this shouldn't be allowed to have kids - in my opinion
  2. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Just let it roll off your back. Something good did come out of'll never have to be responsible for that boy ever again. Those people are ignorant, they don't see they've done anything wrong, you can't even explain how it's wrong because you won't have a listening ear. So just don't bother, get it out of your head, you have enough on your plate.

    That little boy shouldn't play at your house anymore, you're not their babysitter. Should they ever confront you, just say that, you're not his babysitter, sorry.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Next time, just call the police.

    One time when Nichole was 7 she asked me if one of her friends could sleep over. I told her no because I didn't know the parents at all. Next thing I know this child comes home with Nichole on the school bus thinking she's going to spend the weekend with me! I didn't even know her mother's name, address, ect! I was instantly livid. The little girl did have her aunt's phone number and I called the aunt and explained. I told the aunt to come pick her up or have the mom pick her up or I'd call the police. A neighbor came and picked her up instead. Turns out the neighbor gets stuck with the job often. The mom was always letting her child go sleep over here or there without the other parent even knowing she was coming and she never knew the parents. ugh

    This mom did lose custody of her kids about 2 months later.
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I'm more the parent/neighbor who takes in these strays, always have. I just remember always being that kid and it was nice when a neighbor or parent would just invite me to stay or have dinner with the family. Sometimes one of the parents (and my friend) would walk or drive me home. As a teen I spent many nights or dinner hours at a friends house whose parents never met my parents. I truly believe that it hadn't been for those kind people, I would never had known what 'normal' was. Some of them were the kind of people I tried to emulate when I became a parent.

    I know you're tired at the end of the day, but maybe seeing it from another perspective will help you roll off the anger at the parents and think of the impression you're making on the kid.

    I had this one girl from the neighborhood who rang the bell every Saturday morning, winter spring summer and fall, at 7:30 AM - we'd still be sleeping and H would have her sit in front of the tv and wait for the girls to wake up. We never met her parents, but she spent a lot of her time with us. The first and only time I met her mother was when she came looking for Brandi because apparently the girl's father had a massive coronary and died. It was horrible. I remember once calling her mom to let her know we were going to eat dinner and before I could tell her I was sending Brandi home (so she could watch for her), the mom said, 'sure' and hung up. I guess she thought I was asking permission for Brandi to eat with us, which she did.

    I think that these are situations we are put in for a reason. I've had many other strays over the years. For some reason, I could tell which ones were good and which ones weren't, because we never got burned. In fact, one of those strays we now consider our surrogate son and he works with H often, he calls me for every holiday and always tells me he loves me before hanging up. I've met his mother twice and while she's 'okay', I wouldn't give her any mother awards. Big hugs.
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2011
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    We had a nice boy in our neighborhood who stayed in our yard during dinner...and then stayed after dark. The kid was a polite kid but it messed up meal time and bedtime etc. Long story short, it turned out that he was left alone from after school until 9 PM every day while his Mom worked and his Dad did "his thing". What a difficult choice we had to face because of his parents choices. We started including him at dinner time. Then we let him stay in the family room whle easy child/difficult child got ready for bed. But when I realized there was no end in sight and it did disrupt the flow of our home I made the choice to cut back on our support. We invited him to stay for dinner a couple of nights a week, asked if he had dinner at his house on the other nights and one of us "watched him walk safely to his house from the sidewalk with the admonition "Randy it's time for you to settle in at your house. Lock the door behind you
    and we'll watch for your inside lights to come on before we go inside."

    He was probably nine or ten at the time. I hated that he had so little family support. One day at the grocery store a few years ago a big handsome young man came walking up to me. "Do you remember me?" Sure enough that was the boy. He managed to get into the Armed Forces and was doing well. He thanked me for the support and the friendship we had offered when he was little. Finally, after ten or twelve years, I could sigh a sigh of relief. DDD
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I kinda think of it more like Jo. I dont think I could have made it through my life without the kindness of my friends moms and their families. I was forever spending the night at their homes. Im sure at 8, it was probably facilitated by my mom but as soon as I could ride the bus in Jr High, I was heading home with my BFF to her house for days at a time. I can remember fondly sitting in her mothers kitchen watching her cook and just talking.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, dear. How sad and scary that they just leave him like that. That poor kid.
    And poor you, exhausted and with a new baby.
    Even though you say he won't be back, I have a feeling he will ... just one of those types of families.
    Let us know how it works in a few months. We used to have a kid who wanted to slide down our hill in the winter ... he had no long pants, no jacket, no boots. We invited him in for hot cocoa and the next thing we knew, his brothers and their goth friends were all at the door. We did not let them in. Finally, Soc Svcs got involved and the entire family ended up in jail for one thing or another.
    So sad.
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    When I was about 12-13, my best friend got kicked out of her house. I took her home with me, and we asked my Mom if she could stay for a few days.

    My Mom is SMART. She called the girl's dad and stepmom. A cop answered the phone. Turned out my friend had run away! She'd been gone for several days... The cop pretty much threatened my Mom if she did not bring her home that instant. So we did... Mom thought she was going to be arrested for harboring a runaway. Since I was there the cop asked to talk to me, and was pretty nice from what I remember. I guess I saved Mom's bacon (after throwing it on the fire).

    ...So about 2 years ago O comes to me and asks if her friend can stay over a couple of nights, because her parents kicked her out. Instant deja vu... I told her I wanted to talk to the girl's parents FIRST. Funny... I never talked to the parents, and never met the girl...
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    This happened to us also - with one of easy child's friends AND one of difficult child's friends. Both times I called the parents and both times it was BS. easy child's friend's dad asked if his daughter could stay with us for one night to give them each some time to cool down. Now I thought that was a good dad because he realized that if I brought the girl home, no progress would have been made and she'd run again. As it turns out, she was just a wild child and as soon as she turned 18, she split and went to find her mom who had abandoned them years before. Of course, the mom took her in and now the girl has no relationship with her dad at all - it's a sad ending in my opinion because clearly, the dad cared a great deal for his daughter.
  10. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    So this boys mother told you to just send her eight year old home to an empty house? OMG!

    When my kids were small we lived in an apartment complex in Florida and there was a family like this. They had two little girls about the same age as mine and those kids were always over at our house. I never did meet the mom but apparently there was no dad, just the mom, her occasional boyfriend, and the two little girls. If the kids got hot while they were playing outside, they would come to MY door to ask for a drink of water. It finally came out that the mom would send them outside to play and then lock them out until she was good and ready to let them in again! She just assumed that the neighbors would look out for them and never once came to our house looking for her kids. They couldn't get in even to use the bathroom or get a drink of water! I'm not sure if the mother was even in the locked apartment or if she just put them out and went off running around somewhere. I felt so sorry for those kids and we probably weren't the only ones who gave them drinks, fed them, and let them use the bathroom. If they were still there at dinner time I would usually ask them to eat with us but I would send them home to ask their mother first ... they would come back and say the door was still locked. The oldest little girl had a very obvious eye problem. One eye was OK but the other one kind of moved around and would twitch from side to side. She spilled something at dinner one time and was so embarassed - she said "I can't see real good"! I just wanted to cry! This was a long, long time ago and I regret to this day that I never called to have CPS check on them. I just hope somebody else did. I think they moved not too long after this and I never had the chance.
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Its a really tough situation.
    We had every stray kid in the neighborhood around our place.
    Many of them came out OK, and some still come back and hunt down my folks to tell them how much they appreciated it.

    It meant far less parent time and involvement for ME and my brothers - and WE needed it way more than my parents ever understood. (3xGFG with a certified difficult child dad)
    So... one bro estranged, one off the rails, and me... sort of surviving.

    You can't take on someone else's problems unless you have enough time and energy to first look after your own problems.
    Its a really tough call. I hope I don't ever have to make that call... to not help someone who needs it.
    But my resources are limited, and our familly's needs are still more than I can deliver on...
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You had me at "bio mom is gone and boyfriend wants to go to a football game and sent the child to play at your house." Either that kid was too scared to go back and tell boyfriend "no", or the boyfriend was already gone.

    I'd write a POLITE letter to the neighbors to explain what had happened, and honestly, while threatening to call the police might not have been the best way to deal with it, it was a long hard day and they put you in a bad position. That child is their child, and they need to make babysitting arrangements for him. In any case you certainly hope that the child will not be left on his own again, but they should be aware that even if you are at home, you are not available at a moment's notice and they should not count on you.
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2011