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Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Quanya, Nov 14, 2006.

  1. Quanya

    Quanya New Member

    Hello I am so glad I have found a site that can assist me in helping my daughter. I am not quite familiar with the acroynms. I have been through hell and back. My daughter has recently been diagnosis with ODD. She is nine years old. Let me give you a history of family.
    My daughter was the only child in my family for seven years. I am a single parent of her and a 2yr old son. Problems began in pre-K. She refused to go to sleep. She was aggressive but everybody loved her. She was a loving child when she wanted to be. She was suspended for one day because she poured paint on the floor of the classroom. She cut a little girls plait off ( she only had two plaits). When she went to kindergarden, I told them that they had to be firm and could not be her friend. Teacher stated that by the end of the month, they would be friends (my daughter and her teacher). By the end of the month, she was in another classroom. At this point, I thought I had a bad child. The next teacher was a male and took control of my daughter. I did not have any problems from my daughter for the rest of the year. I am thinking yes it has ended but no it did not. First grade teacher called me EVERYDAY at work. Nyla want do her work, Nyla just staring at me, Nyla is humming, Nyla this, blah blah. Nothing major just petty things. 2nd grade teacher just refuse to deal with Nyla. Nyla would get into it with the same five kids in the school. One day they friends the next they are enemies. Well they began to label Nyla a bully. They recommend her to SST (Student Support Team) to create a plan of action. We started with the star sheet. That did not work becasue they never made it to me. Nyla would trash them before she got home. So we had it where they would give them to her nana. That lasted for about a couple weeks. So we tried a basket of coins. Well in thirty minutes the basket was empty. (a coin was taken away everytime she was out of line.) Next the school district tested her for gifted and that was average even though according to her teachers she was a head of the class. She read on a 4th grade level in 2nd grade. Then we had teachers going around saying she was a liar. SST wanted to have her evaluated by their counseler. The counseler diagnosis her with emotional disorder. She was sent to another school for evaluation for sped. During this time she had problems but not as many. She was during excellent. During all this time she was on honor roll. I asked the school district if she could stay in this school since we were not have that many problems. They said okay as long as the principal ok's it. The principal refused. :9-07tears: :confused:She was only there for a semester. So she was sent to another school. She was in a regular class but spent one hr a day in sped for behavior and math totur. Well she did good in the regular class but in the sped she had major problems. She was only there for a semester and three weeks. So we are off to another school. In this school, she was in sped fulltime. This is where major problems really started to happen. The others student were much move severe than she was. (I was told this by the teacher) The teacher was really babysitting and not teaching. I had to call to have homework sent home. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gifBy this time she is in 3rd grade. She has been suspend over 10 times in a two year span. At the end of the year I decided to withdraw her and put her in private school. Ok within three weeks she is suspend for three days for disrespecting the teachers. I know it is long but this my life. I have changed jobs three times in the last three years. Now she feels that I am neglecting her because of her 2yr brother. She is receiving counseling weekly by a pychachist. The private school has started deducting or giving her zeros in classwork because of her behavior. Please tell me if there is anything I can do. :confused:
     
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    Welcome to the site. Is Nyla on any medications? Sorry I can't give advice just a welcome. Others will come who will have excellent advice. I've learned so much here. Something I've learned from teaching is that private schools (unless its a school for behavior kids) don't have to put up with or help the child manage behaviors and won't. Public doesn't have a choice.
     
  3. BonnieJean

    BonnieJean Active Member

    Hi Quanya, first, please know that you are not alone. There are many parents at the same place you're at, where you were or have been there done that (been there done that) and it's okay. We can try to help you, but remember, we don't diagnose. We support though...okay...

    First, you need to do a Profile Signature this is just so we won't keep asking the same questions repeatedly and then you should have a look at the ACRONYMS AND ABBREVIATIONS OF DISORDERS This is just to help you understand what we're talking about and so we don't appear to have our own board language.

    Also, can you list what type of doctors, if any, your child has been too? Any diagnoses? Grade level seems to be pretty good so most academic disabilities might not be a problem at the present time. But I am only assuming as you have not pointed this out yet.~shrugs~

    Good luck, I am sure someone more knowledgeable will come around soon enough....

    Take care,
    BonnieJean
     
  4. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Hi Nyla's mom and welcome. The faq/board help forum has all the acronymns and info to navigate the site.

    I'm sure you noticed that your child's behavior is way out of line compared to her peers.

    How was she as an infant?
    Did she do all the developmental steps according to average charts(crawl, walk, talk etc)
    Anything different that you remembered about her?
    How does she do outside of school?
    Does she do any extracurricular activities?
    Is she physical to baby brother?
    Any academic weaknesses, forgetful, unorganized?
    Any family history of behavior problems, substance abuse or suicide attempts in the family?

    We have questions more than answers right now but it's obvious the schools are grasping at straws and does not have a realistic plan for your child. Have you requested an IEP?

    It's probably time to have her evaluated by more than a psychologist or even a psychiatrist. I would look at the local university based Children's hospital for either a behavior disorder clinic or a specialist (ex. developmental pediatrician) I had a team evaluation where all the specialties evaluated difficult child at the same time. Once you have a clearer picture of what is going on then you can sit down to do research as to what the best plan is for your child.

    As most of us will suggest the book, The Explosive Child(found in the faq/board help forum) has been a huge help to many parents in helping us to deal with our kids.

    It is so difficult when you think you are battling difficult child and the school district and family and your job when all of those should be a support and a help.

    You aren't alone anymore.
     
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Hi & welcome. You need to have your daughter evaluated by a child psychiatrist or by a team of specialists at a Children's or University hospital. I'm just a Mom, but I see some red flags for a few different disorders. In addition, you need to send a letter to the school district's Special Education director requesting a full & complete evaluation, this is so that she can get qualified for an IEP (independent education plan). If she has an IEP already, then you (as a member of the IEP team) need to send a letter certified mail to convene a meeting of the team. She needs better supports in order to succeed in school.

    I can't promise you're daughter will improve, but a good working diagnosis with appropriate treatments and effective supports at home and school can go a long way toward making things better.
     
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Hi Quanya. You've been given some good advice already. Stick around, there is more. And once we know more, we can help even more. Meanwhile, read other posts, you may be able to see connections in some places. We all support each other because as we get more used to each other we get a broader understanding of how our own experience can be used to help someone else. You may feel right now that you have nothing left inside you; it is there. We'll help you find it again.

    If you read my signature below, you will see what we've been dealing with in our family. Your daughter may not have the same specific diagnosis as my kids, but there are sufficient similarities for me to suggest consideration of some possibilities.

    First, someone else has already suggested you get her professionally assessed (and not by the school district). Take along what you already have on her, it can keep your costs down, but I think the school district already has made up its collective mind and not in your daughter's favour. An independent professional opinion is worth its weight in gold, or platinum.

    Second, get hold of "The Explosive Child" (already recommended). It may help.

    Third, before you actually get to the specialist's appointment, go online to www.childbrain.com and browse the site. I would recommend yo do the online Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. Even if it's not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), the printout should be taken to the specialist also, to help give him some ideas of what you are concerned about. It's hard to remember it all during the first consult. The Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire is not officially diagnostic, it's only a tool, one of many. A professional will take it into account along with his own professional opinion.
    You may find other notes there which jog something in y our memory which you could also use to talk to the doctor.

    Fourth, begin keeping a diary. Start a communication diary between home and school. It helps you to pass useful info on to the school and it's better for them to write down their concerns as they happen instead of ringing you every afternoon. The book should be seen not only as a vent for both teacher and parent, but also a tool to promote effective and fast communication to assist in the best management of the child both at home and at school.
    You don't need to write much - you just put in what you need as necessary. For example, "she had a bad night, didn't sleep well, she may be more irritable than usual," and the teacher may reply, "she actually had a fairly good morning, then she had an altercation with another student. It turns out the other student had been provoking her, but she has to learn to not hit back. We'll try and keep the pair of kids apart, we're stepping up the supervision."
    This book helped us quickly identify a number of problems which relying on chats with the teacher wouldn't have done. For example, with us, the teacher wrote, "He's been difficult today, he was yesterday also. Very rigid, didn't cope well with some noisy building work outside the classroom and shouted at me and the aide." I would then read back a few days, maybe find that he had three days in a row with poor behaviour and no apparent trigger. I learned that this was often an early warning sign for difficult child 3 developing a cold, or cutting a new tooth. Once the fever hit, his behaviour improved. As he was recovering, he was worse again.
    By allowing honesty with no recriminations, you are also supplying a valuable safety valve for the teacher.

    A communication diary can also become a useful record for your own purposes. The book would travel in difficult child 3's schoolbag, with parents and teachers being responsible for the book, not the student.

    You say your daughter is bright, she is reading above her age - is she possibly also hyperlexic? It might be something else to consider.

    The noises she makes - we went through this with difficult child 1 and for years tried to discipline him out of it. We finally learnt that he simply couldn't help it, and by punishing him for things he had poor control over, we were setting him up for failure, poor self-esteem and the belief that he was a bad kid by nature.

    A professional assessment and diagnosis would make it easier for you to identify what she can control, and what she can't. She shouldn't be punished for what she can't control.

    Once you have a specific diagnosis you will be able to get her more help and with good support and recognition, problems should ease. And I'm appalled at the principal who refused to take her - there should be a school with services suitable to her needs, where you can send her.

    Keep us posted on how you're getting on.

    And welcome!

    Marg
     
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! Glad you found us - it is a huge relief isn't it?

    It seems your biggest problem is with school. In my opinion, they have not really done much to support your child or help her. They have just shuffled her along. Do you know they are legally required to provide her an education? You might want to visit the Special Education 101 forum here on this board for some advice on how to get the school district to start acting instead of pushing you aside.
     
  8. Quanya

    Quanya New Member

    Thank you thank you thank you all. The information you have been giving me is sending me on the righr path. So of you have questions for me.
    How was she as an infant? excellent

    Did she do all the developmental steps according to average charts(crawl, walk, talk etc) above average

    Anything different that you remembered about her? always wanted the attention of adults

    How does she do outside of school? It is a struggle sometimes at home with her attitude and lying
    Does she do any extracurricular activities? No I can not afford any right now.

    Is she physical to baby brother? No but she wrestles and plays with him and he loves it.

    Any academic weaknesses, forgetful, unorganized? Math and Science now. She is very forgetfull and unorganized. She loves to draw and do projects.

    Any family history of behavior problems, substance abuse or suicide attempts in the family? No history that I am aware of. I have realtives that are considered bad but they have not been diagnosis with anything

    No she is not on medication
    Yes she has seen several certified social workers but she is currently seeing a psychiatrist weekly. They have diagnosis her with ODD with possible ADHD. She has had several IEP with the local school district but no success because the schools refuse to deal with her and eventually has stated she must be sent to another school.
    I have put to much as risk putting her in private school. I have depleted my savings and is living with my mom and pay check to pay check. We will not have a christmas because I do not have the money to buy gifts. My family is helpful but it is causing a severe strain on them too. I am thinking of putting her back in the school district but I do not want her in the same schools as before. I am tired of moving her from school to school because it is already hard for her to make friends.
    Thank you all for all your suggestions and words of comfort.
     
  9. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Hi Quayna

    "She has had several IEP with the local school district but no success because the schools refuse to deal with her and eventually has stated she must be sent to another school."

    The school district wherein your daughter resides is responsible for her education. Getting the IEP is often a difficult task, but that is just the beginning.

    Developing an appropriate IEP (Individual Education Plan) is the next step. An IEP doesn't do one bit of good if it's not followed, so the next step is making sure it is carried out.

    As busywend mentioned, visit the Sp Ed forum when you're ready.

    Welcome aboard!
     
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