Installing a husband

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Feb 16, 2009.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    This is actually pretty funny. Hope it makes you laugh today.:D

    NSTALLING A HUSBAND

    Dear Tech Support,

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
    distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the
    flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
    Boyfriend 5.0.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
    such as
    Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
    undesirable programs such as
    NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

    Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
    the system.

    Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
    problems, but to no avail.

    What can I do?

    Signed,

    Desperate

    DEAR DESPERATE,

    First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
    Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

    Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download
    Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that
    application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically
    run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

    However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband
    1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6...1.
    Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download
    the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law
    1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize
    control of all your system resources..)

    In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0
    program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband
    1.0.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
    memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
    buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We
    recommend:
    Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

    Good Luck !

    Tech Support
     
  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    OMG. It will take at least 3 people to lift me off the floor. Too darn funny.

    Abbey
     
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    On the floor with Abbey -

    OMG that was a scream!
     
  4. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
    LOVE IT !!!!!!! _RM
     
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    That's WONDERFUL! i LOVE IT!!!!!!
     
  6. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    So THAT"S what happened to husband!

    :)

    Barbara
     
  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    That is great!!! LOL

    Thanks for the laugh. I so needed it. I am having a sad day today.
     
  8. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    :rofl: husband just came back here to make sure I was okay - I was laughing so loud!!! :rofl:

    I let him read it and he completely misread the last line as:

    Cooking 3.0 and Hot Linguini 7.7. :spaghetti:

    He really wasn't understanding why I thought it was so funny.... that's my guy - the way to his heart is definitely thru his stomach.
     
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    This is going off to easy child and K. :D
     
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

    That's exactly why I'm sticking with my Solo 10.0. :D
     
  11. cadydid

    cadydid New Member

    OH MY!! You should have put a disclaimer with that one LOL. Please excuse me while I go get something to clean my monitor off. It's suddenly become covered in dt coke lol
     
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Oddly enough it mentioned NOTHING about ram. (now before I get sent to the corner) RAM is......Random Access Memory. With most men isnt it RIM? Random Inaccessible Memory -

    SHAME SHAME.........SHAME SHAME........some of you act like yer single!
     
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    What I wanna know is why the model I got became obsolete six months before the warranty ran out? :p
     
  14. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    OK, bragging here. I happen to have my own exclusive, advance-release (beta version) of Husband 10.0. Maybe because it's Mac, but it has had a lot of the extra features as standard, which are still in development stages in the easy child versions.

    As the Apple ads say - it just works!

    Seriously though - my Husband 10.0 (aka "Marg's Man") sent this home in 2003. Then, two years ago, he sent home the following:

    Date: Wed, 15 Aug 2007 15:24:26 +1000
    To: Recipient List Suppressed:;
    From: *********
    Subject: A Couple of problems for Technical Support

    Dear Technical Support

    18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble.
    However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware program, Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
    Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage to my hardware.
    I then upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2002.
    Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
    Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
    Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week.
    Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi typical teen hard drive, it often crashes.
    Wife 1.0 also comes with a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off. (I have discovered that this is a trojan that runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all system resources.)
    Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2007, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2007, it tends to delete all of your Money files before uninstalling itself.
    Any ideas?
    ____________________________________________________________________________________


    Subject: Fw: INSTALLING A HUSBAND

    Dear Tech Support,
    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the applications Flowers 2.5 and Jewellery 1.7, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

    Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

    What can I do?
    Signed,
    Desperate
    _____________________________________________________________________________________
    Dear Desperate:
    First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

    Go to this website http://www.I_Thought_You_Loved_Me.htm and try to download Tears 6.2. This works better if you also install the Guilt 3.0 update.

    If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the upgrade applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

    But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will usually download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (this runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Another program that is often suggested is Recriminations 3.5.1. This should be avoided because it can also run a virus in the background.

    Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are no longer supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider obtaining additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7. Another possibility, still in beta test, is Viagra 0.65. Try this as well.

    Good Luck,

    Tech Support
     
  15. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    That is so perfect. LOL.
     
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    GCV Mom -

    Must have missed the MENo on buying the EXTENDED warranty.
     
  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Tee-Hee
    I thought RIM had something to do with the Toilet...But I guess Random Inaccessible Mammory could be used for a lot of things!
     
  18. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Star, I decided medications were better than any extended warranty! :D
     
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